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Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#61

Post by gus_massa »

Sleep now, next 18 years will be hard. :) Enjoy the sleep during the second trimester.

In the first baby, the time from the contraction to the delivery is something like two days, with random contractions every two hours or something, it's (more) difficult to sleep. When the contractions are frequent enough you go to the hospital and wait a few more hour. Ask the doctor for the details.

It's not like in the novies! Nothing is like in the movies!

The first two days after the delivery are terrible. The baby has tummy ache and cries and cries and cries and cries. You can try to fix it with some tummy massages. Ask the nurses in the hospital for help, they have a lot of practices, it's like magic. Usually after two days it get's better, hopefully.

As another comment said, babies have a lot of variation. Don't get too worried if they don't follow exactly the calendar. I've never seen a calendar with sigmas. Ask the doctor.

Doctors also have a lot of variation. Try to get one that is good and that fits yours preference. Bonus points if s/he understand what you want when you ask for a calendar with sigmas.

Once the kid enters kindergarten, s/he will get all the silly contagious illness. Expect to have her/him at home like 50% of the days during the fist 2 or 3 months.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#62

Post by btowngar »

rpedela wrote: post #50
lghh wrote: post #38

I had my first child several days ago. I am half asleep typing this. This isn't preparation as much as it is a warning. Here's what I think I have learned so far and what I didn't know: 1. The lactation specialists at the hospital can be rude, aggressive, and pushy. Or at least come off that way when you're pissed and desperate to get your child some food. We have ran into many issues breastfeeding and the lactation…

My wife had a lot of difficulty with breastfeeding for the first month, and our experience with lactation specialists was mixed. Several were horrible like the ones you described. One was amazing and her primary advice was "feed your baby", formula was fine. Her other primary advice was "take care of yourself" such as using nipple shields. Not only can the nipples be sore, but too much damage can lead to more serious…

Good advice. We found (in SF) that the lactation consultants and many of the neonatal healthcare providers came across as quite pushy promoting breastfeeding when the reality is that it doesn't work for every parent. I think it's good to try it, but if it doesn't work out then just feed the kid with formula and don't beat yourself up about it.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#63

Post by kangnkodos »

nightbrawler wrote: post #5

There's a great series of books called 'What To Expect' ... When Expecting, The First Year, etc. They are an awesome resource. Other than that I wouldn't over think or analyze preparation too much. You'll be surprised how much instinct kicks in and you just know what needs to be done. Just do it! If you have multiple kids, they'll all be different and it can take some time to figure out what works and doesn't with ea…

The Expecting book is kind of good. But I often think of it as "200 things to scare the sh*t out of you when expecting". Most of the book is a long list of things that could go wrong, and most of those have a very, very low chance of happening.

I'm kind of glad I read it, but it did a job on me, worrying about about so many things that never came to pass.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#65

Post by kraftman »

lghh wrote: post #38

I had my first child several days ago. I am half asleep typing this. This isn't preparation as much as it is a warning. Here's what I think I have learned so far and what I didn't know: 1. The lactation specialists at the hospital can be rude, aggressive, and pushy. Or at least come off that way when you're pissed and desperate to get your child some food. We have ran into many issues breastfeeding and the lactation…

I think the jury is still out on swaddling: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/to-swaddle-or...

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#67

Post by kibibu »

Know that fresh babies come out a dark red purple colour. I didn't know, and given the complications we had in childbirth, there was a good 30 seconds where I thought my baby was stillborn.

Also, if your baby doesn't sleep well, nobody will truly understand your hell.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#68

Post by kraftman »

nrjames wrote: post #34

Kids need A LOT of sleep; more than you think. I would say that 80% of the time you see a kid crying or throwing a tantrum, it’s a combo of not having enough sleep and not having the emotional toolkit or communication skills to express their needs. My single recommendation is to get your child on a sleep schedule and stick with it aggressively. Check out the book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. BTW,…

Something I didn't realise, along with how much sleep babies need, is that they don't know that the solution to being tired is to go to sleep. I just assumed that if they were tired they would sleep. But they don't know how to go to sleep, or that the horrible feeling of being tired is solved by going to sleep, so they just get wound up instead.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#69

Post by kraftman »

jedberg wrote: post #30
aantix wrote: post #21

Set 7 alarms on your phone, one to wake you up each hour. Go to work the next day and try to do your best work. Do this two months before the baby comes and you'll already be adjusted to your new mental norm. I'm only half-kidding. The eradic sleep is tough - babies through toddlers wake up for all sorts of reasons. Depending on the child, it could be years before you sleep consistently through an entire night. That…

My wife and I worked out a deal so we didn't have to do this. She was pumping so either of us could do a feeding. I would take the feeding around 1am so she could pump then. Then I would go to sleep. She would pump and feed overnight. I'd wake up around 7 or 8, and then do the next few feedings while she slept till around noon, when she'd get up to eat and pump. Then she'd take a nap at some point with the baby midda…

We did shifts like this too, it worked really well.

Re: Ask HN: How did you prepare for being a first-time parent?

#70

Post by [deleted] »

lastofus wrote: post #3

Something that I wish was made clear to me beforehand is that there is a huge variance in children, even between siblings. This means that what works well for some kids will fail terribly for others. Half of parenting is trying out a bunch of different things to find out what works well for your kids, and is also acceptable for you. This variance is also a big reason why there is no "one true way" of raising kids, an…

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