Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

61–70 of 79 posts

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#61

Post by znpy »

sparrish wrote: post #44
AndrewDucker wrote: post #25

On a non-monetary note, here's some advice I gave my brother recently. (My daughter is now 15 months old, and I was thinking about what advice I wish I'd been given before she was born): 1) Remember at all times that no matter how tired you are, your partner is almost certainly much more tired. Basically, give her a free pass for the first few months, if not longer. (The hormonal changes a few days in are no fun eith…

This is good advice. I've got 7 kids and can verify this. To add a bit more to it, teach your babies how to fall asleep without you rocking them for hours. It's a skill and one few of them learn on their own. Your life will get incredibly easier once they're sleeping through the night and mom and dad can sleep through the night as well. A recommended book is 'On Becoming Baby Wise'. Worked for our 7 - all them were s…

Holy shit dude, seven kids?

On a more serious note: how do you teach them to fall asleep without rocking then for hours?

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#62

Post by chrisjc »

Look for Daddy-bootcamps, as well as all the other kind of classes available. These classes are often times free or pretty inexpensive. You don't even have to belong to the Hospitals that they're presented at a lot of times.

I went to a daddy bootcamp, breast feeding with my wife, baby-care, etc... All of which were extremely informative and helpful.

Congratulations!

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#63

Post by codingdave »

znpy wrote: post #61
sparrish wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is good advice. I've got 7 kids and can verify this. To add a bit more to it, teach your babies how to fall asleep without you rocking them for hours. It's a skill and one few of them learn on their own. Your life will get incredibly easier once they're sleeping through the night and mom and dad can sleep through the night as well. A recommended book is 'On Becoming Baby Wise'. Worked for our 7 - all them were s…

Holy shit dude, seven kids? On a more serious note: how do you teach them to fall asleep without rocking then for hours?

In short, ignore them... for actual details, you can google "Cry it out". There are a variety of techniques, varying from letting them cry for 5 minutes, to just letting them cry. Most modern ideas lean towards the 5 minute route, starting when they are close to 6 months old, as then they are old enough to not need feeding overnight.

It does work. Kids do learn that crying doesn't bring any attention, so they stop, and learn a sleeping routine. And with 7 kids, I can understand the appeal. With less kids, we went another route. When my kids were little, there was research saying these techniques were not healthy, but in the last 10 years newer studies have said they are OK. But it is a heated debate among parents.

Ultimately, every parent needs to make their own choice.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#66

Post by arwineap »

kgwxd wrote: post #42
bsagdiyev wrote: post #6

Congrats! As someone else said, make sure you have a healthy buffer of cash. Unexpected doctor visits come up, you'll want to take the kid somewhere and they go through diapers really fast in the beginning. Also make sure you and your partner can communicate and have plans for sleeping and babycare. My son is just two months and we've finally figured out a sleep routine since we had both been getting up when we start…

"they go through diapers really fast" This is where a membership to a wholesale place like Costco becomes a no-brainer. Diapers, wipes and formula are best bought in bulk.

Agreed, the prices on diapers at costco are fantastic, but even better the quality of the diaper is on par with [insert-brand-name] diapers.

This is not the case with most discount or offbrand diapers. We did try one of the diaper online services (not the big one) and found the quality to be off putting.

I've been avoiding costco my entire adult life, but I finally find the membership worth it.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#68

Post by revx »

codingdave wrote: post #52
AndrewDucker wrote: post #25

On a non-monetary note, here's some advice I gave my brother recently. (My daughter is now 15 months old, and I was thinking about what advice I wish I'd been given before she was born): 1) Remember at all times that no matter how tired you are, your partner is almost certainly much more tired. Basically, give her a free pass for the first few months, if not longer. (The hormonal changes a few days in are no fun eith…

> There is no point comforting a crying baby I've had 3 children, and found this to be 100% false. Every crying baby has a reason, and if you build a checklist of things to check, almost all babies can be calmed down. I say almost, because there are exceptions to everything. It has been years, so I no longer have the list in my head, but it boiled down to making sure everything in their environment is in moderation.…

So true. I think the idea that a newborn should be left on its own is pretty terrible. No 1-month-old is going to be able to logically determine that you're not going to show up for them. All they know is that something is wrong. Rock your kid to sleep. Love them. Once they get to the point where you can reason with them you can leave them alone, since then they know why you're doing it.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#69

Post by kleer001 »

G4BB3R wrote: post #57
AndrewDucker wrote: post #25

On a non-monetary note, here's some advice I gave my brother recently. (My daughter is now 15 months old, and I was thinking about what advice I wish I'd been given before she was born): 1) Remember at all times that no matter how tired you are, your partner is almost certainly much more tired. Basically, give her a free pass for the first few months, if not longer. (The hormonal changes a few days in are no fun eith…

What is a free pass?

taking more than your share of the responsibilities while still assuming a good faith effort on their part, it's understanding that they are working with a diminished ability to do work and cannot supply a purely logical 50% of all required behaviour

it means being very generous

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#70

Post by sifar »

Congratulations. Cherish it ! Take care of your partner - eat healthy food.

I would like to add - stop worrying. Yes you don't have a predictable income, but your constant worrying about it will hamper your ability to have one. It is a vicious loop. Be calm, keep improving your skills and producing better results. In your anxiety to provide for your kid, it is easy to forget to actually "be" with them, love them. Children can easily pick these things in you. Read/tell them stories every night. Goof off with them - this is your chance to be a kid again !! It is surprising how easily you can get away with "my kids insist I do/play this with them" :)!. The world can wait, it will be there still, when you return to it.

Like others have said, lower your costs - increase your savings. Keep increasing your Savings Rate. Drop things that cost but add little/no value. Convenience has a cost - Embrace inconvenience. Prefer buying used things, learn to invest at a low cost. Stay healthy. Parks and libraries are free, use them over other forms of entertainments.

Post reply on HN