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Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#61

Post by jexah »

koliber wrote: post #58

I am lucky enough to have a good manager with whom I can have very open conversations. We often talk about things we could improve at our company. Many times it is fixing a bug or improving the UX. Sometimes, it's a process that needs to be built or tweaked. At other times, it's a habit that is counter-productive or something that one of us does that could be done better. It's a two way street. Just because he is my…

I am in this exact situation. It's one of the best places to be in as an employee IMO.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#62

Post by bitL »

Giving a talk at a prestigious event is a clear signal to your manager that you are likely going to jump over them due to your vastly increased visibility and popularity, so a crab mode is employed at you. Get thick skin - any job is temporary anyway, but marketing opportunities are few. Don't do anything rough and clearly unfair though.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#63

Post by hn0 »

Try to understand their point of view. Maybe he/she hates your guts, but I doubt it.

I’d ask something like:

“I’m certain you have your reasons about not wanting me to attend the conference, but they aren’t clear to me. I have the best interests of the company in mind, but from my point of view this feels like a unduly limitation of my personal liberty. I do understand there’s not always the time or energy to explain yourself to those you manage, and I don’t want to question your decisions. But I wish you would explain your reasoning about why you feel I should not attend the conference. And maybe see if there is a possibility of a compromise? I hope you try to understand my point of view here, I do not want any sour feelings to develop between us.“

Also, give people time to change their minds. Just gently asking a few times a couple of times in advance, preferably during downtime or when your manager is in a relaxed state if mind. It might help them reconsider the idea, even if it feels like nagging. Just be wary that you don’t come off as “not listening” or questioning their authority. If you manager is really difficult you could ask a superior, but be very careful, you can be certain they won’t like you going behind their back.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#64

Post by gtt »

dagw wrote: post #51
slededit wrote: post #4

If you focus on this at the point where you aren't getting what you want its too late. You need to build a relationship of trust before you ask for an exception or special request (in the eye of the manager not you). Your manager should know the following: - That if there is a problem you will always come to him/her first not try and work around him - That he can count on you to do what needs to be done. You will go…

That he can count on you to do what needs to be done. You will go out of your way for her. If you've ever said "this isn't my job" then you will have only an adversarial relationship. True to the extent that it is actually related to your job in a larger sense and doing so won't adversely affect your ability to do your 'real' job. Many managers will just keeping adding more and more responsibilities to their 'best' w…

>>Many managers will just keeping adding more and more responsibilities to their 'best' workers until they either start saying "no", quit or burn out, often without any malice or ill intent.

I consider such people total failure as managers and try to avoid.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#65

Post by kamyarg »

dpark wrote: post #2

Why were you asked to not give the talks? Context is everything. Are you asking for the company to pay but the travel/training budget is insufficient? Sell your boss on why this is valuable to the company and why the budget should be expanded or funded some other way. Does your manager not think you’re good enough to be giving the talk? Your options are probably to prove him/her wrong, get a better manager, or live w…

ditto to this one, exactly what I would try to do with the same order.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#66

Post by zakum1 »

Managing people is hard, so it is always important to recognise this and help your manager by being proactive with ideas that help her/him manage the team, understanding what is important to her/him and the organisation, and contribute greatly to showing results as a team. Too often we unnecessarily feel that we are on different sides - and overblow this in our minds.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#67

Post by cmdkeen »

slededit wrote: post #4

If you focus on this at the point where you aren't getting what you want its too late. You need to build a relationship of trust before you ask for an exception or special request (in the eye of the manager not you). Your manager should know the following: - That if there is a problem you will always come to him/her first not try and work around him - That he can count on you to do what needs to be done. You will go…

Good advice, I picked up some good phraseology for parts of it from the military:

Your "1 up" and "2 up" (i.e your manager, and their manager) - what is your manager working towards, what is the context in which they are operating. Understanding that can play a large part in helping to exercise the good judgement, especially things to potentially flag up early.

Appreciate they're context switching more frequently, launching straight into a complex issue you haven't discussed for a few days is going to cause a massive page fault. Give their brain a chance to get into gear, a quick refresher or catchup can help. Quick being 60 seconds.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#69

Post by mseebach »

greggarious wrote: post #14
confiscate wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

agree. Especially with #3 "understand what boss wants" From the way OP phrased the question, it sounded like the OP felt the manager "owed" the OP. As in, OP feels going to the conference is a must, "a given", a "constitutional right", and that the manager "wronged" him by not letting him go. It's a very childish way of viewing the world. As in, I deserve to go to Disneyland. My mom won't let me, so I will now get a…

> OP feels going to the conference is a must, "a given", a "constitutional right", and that the manager "wronged" him by not letting him go. It's a very childish way of viewing the world. OP's employer does not own them - they have a right to a private life. While they certainly could not want OP identifying themselves as an agent of their employer when giving a talk, OP is entitled to use their free time / vacation…

OP isn't perfectly unambiguous on the subject, but it's an industry conference, and since asking the manager is a thing, I think it's fair to assume that it's a work conference and that the manager actually has a legitimate say in this - participants in industry conferences are typically identified as representing their company.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage your manager?

#70

Post by azangru »

ilkan wrote: post #29

Imho odds are your manager is right. Are you working for a 3 letter agency, its contractor or subcontractor; are you revealing trade secrets or company priorities, or implying them by revealing your knowledge on a subject; are you using your role as employee of company X to land paid speaking roles; have you signed employment agreements that state any intellectual property you create on or off the job is property of…

> do you work in finance and are being paid an amount in cash or in perks (transport, meals) which invites scrutiny for ethical violations

I too would love to hear the reasons behind the manager's request, but wow, is this also a potential issue? Are you not allowed to be paid however much they are willing to pay you? And why would you disclose your salary or perks at a conference anyhow? Do people do that?

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