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Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

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Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#62

Post by sixhobbits »

DiThi wrote: post #60
sixhobbits wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you read the article? It discusses energy at length.

Yes but I found the definition I gave much more helpful to explain to people as an starting point, in one sentence or two. It helps dispel the relationship with happiness, (in)ability to change and other false dichotomies.

OK but you're skipping over the central point that the energy drain disappears as a person grows more "skilled" in extroversion. You're welcome to disagree, but your comment is closer to ignoring the entire debate than addressing it :)

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#63

Post by punchclockhero »

Video games, no doubt about it now. Tried to give them up to "be productive", backfired hard. Led to interesting times both in a good and a bad way. Who knew suppressing yourself and your desires leads to nothing good. Ended up scaling back on expectations and rediscovering the joy of wandering free on- and offline. Indulging my weird little cravings. Not trying too hard. Ended up with what I was putting all that effort for anyway (a job above the API). Not sure if it was worth it, but liked the journey anyway.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#65

Post by thereyougo123 »

I love doing board games. You are in company but you have rules that guide the interaction. Board games are especially fun if you are playing together against the game.

Edit: As others have noted meditation can be helpful. This may help you realize what you really need in your current situation. But it is not a silver bullet. I personally recommend doing this in company once in a while and keeping a safety distance to "preachers of principles".

I really hope that you find your way.

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#66

Post by thraxil »

sixhobbits wrote: post #13

I know "introvert" is an important part of many people's identity, so I don't want to bash that, but this article[0] and some long talks with someone who didn't believe that "introvert" was a thing definitely increased my overall happiness. TL;DR most people think of introvert/extrovert on one dimension, but in fact some people are both (happy alone, happy in groups) and others are neither (unhappy alone, unhappy in…

Sorry, but that article's really annoying.

He accuses people of misunderstanding the terms "introversion" and "extroversion" but does the same thing himself by associating them with the stereotypical behavior that we commonly think of rather than the underlying neurological differences. Those differences are real (dopamine vs acetylcholine, different blood flow patterns in the brain) and appear to be linked to genetics [1] [2]. Yes, the terminology both in common use and within Psychology is imprecise and often misapplied, but that doesn't mean that there aren't actual differences.

He dismisses the "energy" interpretation as a simple matter of fatigue from undeveloped skills. I haven't seen any research that supports that or indicates that individuals can change their fundamental reaction to external/internal stimulus through practice and effort. Ie, an introvert can learn to work a crowd and present as an extrovert, but afterwards they will be exhausted compared to a true extrovert.

I do agree that the positive external traits that we typically associate with each (sociability, friendliness, assertiveness vs ability to focus on solo tasks without becoming bored) are enabled by skills that anyone can learn no matter where they are on the introversion/extroversion spectrum and people shouldn't give up just because they find it hard. But an introvert will have a fundamentally harder time developing the social skills and will need to recuperate afterwards (and same for an extrovert with solo skills). I don't think it's productive or helpful to encourage the "just toughen up, buttercup" dismissive approach.

1: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0926641005... 2: http://www.jneurosci.org/content/32/50/18087.short

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#67

Post by jrowley »

I joined a running club. Met smart goofy inspiring people. It really has turned into a social thing for me more than a physical thing but some of the people are very experienced and provide great actionable advice that has improved my running to places I’d never thought I’d get. I also learn about alternative life styles and prioritiziations in life. It’s great

Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?

#68

Post by dasmoth »

jchw wrote: post #51
cpfohl wrote: post #30

Even as an introvert it's always people. After college, before getting married my (now) wife and I had the same problem - but we noticed it wasn't just us: everyone we knew felt lonely. We decided to start getting together with all our friends and acquaintances almost every night after work. We hosted or set it up for about two weeks before it took on a life of its own and we didn't have to be present for each night;…

I'm pretty lonely too, but I have two problems: 1. I don't feel like I have enough energy to do things after work, and I find myself unable to socialize for long periods of time. 2. My friends, or at least friends I know in the real world, are running into number 1, and often have different work schedules anyways. Modern society feels isolating. When I try to be social, I find many people are disinterested. I myself…

I think the obsession of many modern workplaces with “team stuff” is making things pretty hard for some introverts. If I could work (truly —- i.e. no interruptions at all unlesss something’s on fire) solo for a couple of days a week, I suspect I’d be a whole lot more sociable in the evenings...
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