Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

I second this. I've seen both therapists and coaches of various types a number of times over the years, and have found it to be tremendously helpful in getting me through a number of rough/challenging patches.

It's really nice to have someone to talk to who has no vested interest in any part of your life. You can vent to them without having to worry about pissing anyone off or it getting around to anyone. A good therapist or a coach can offer a fairly unbiased outside opinion and even strategies for dealing with things that come up in your life.

The biggest thing to remember is that it's important to find someone who is right for you. There are a lot of people out there, and each has his or her own personality and style. Finding a therapist is a lot like dating in certain ways, so don't be afraid to move on if it isn't working for you.

At the edge point, I find it helpful to lie down and not react to any thought, sensation, or feeling until I feel stable. On rare occasions, I feel like I'd want to punch someone in the face just for speaking a word, and when I lie down, I feel the dire need to react to something. I put on a sleep mask, put in ear plugs, put noise cancelling headphones on top of that, and then play a decent volume of white (brown) noise in them, and very carefully do not move, think, or react... and if I do, i'll just go back to not thinking, not reacting to thoughts, not reacting to the repeating jerking urge to get up and do something, and I'll usually fall asleep for a bit. Generally, I've never found this to fail to clear almost any negative state I'm in.

It's just a psychological agitation. Even normal friction, etc. can agitate a physically sore spot, and you should just let up off it to let the agitation subside. Same idea, works great for me.

I actually pretty much do that every day after work to some extent or another, but I'm only really serious about not reacting to anything when I really have some anger/agitation/whatever that needs to dissipate.

It is an important life skill, cannot be denied.

However, I cannot stop noticing that all the worst traits of the software industry start with the talented professionals amoungst us "caring less" about their jobs; and then the bozos running the show are free to go around wanking their minds and fucking up everything for everyone. If you ask the authors of every monstrosity out there, they will claim the Nuremberg defense, pennies to peanuts!

I think the important part is to understand, that you are in charge for bringing those emotions from work back home.

I second a lot of the things here, including regular therapy, self care, and thinking about whether another job would be better. You might also consider a job-specific coach who will help you figure out how to solve workplace issues before you hit "murderous".

But one other thing that works for me is long walks. I walk until I'm no longer angry, and then I turn around and walk back. Eventually, I get worn out, both on the topic and physically.