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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

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Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#61

Post by Mz »

Several comments here say, essentially, "talk to someone to help you deal with your feelings." All well fine and good, but I will suggest you try to find a sounding board. Feelings come from somewhere. While there can be value in venting to get that part out of the way, if all you do is vent and get emotional support but you don't do any problem solving, it is sort of like drinking or taking drugs to deal with your problems. It is just sort of this feel good experience that bleeds off the big feelings and that's about it. And then you still have to face all this crap anyway.

But a good sounding board can help you hammer out why things aren't working and what might be done about them. They won't make your decisions for you nor tell you what to do. A good sounding board listens a lot and comments a little and makes thought provoking comments. They do a bit of reframing. They give you some perspective.

It can be a huge sanity saver to have a good sounding board to run things past. This is much, much, much more valuable than a psychologist or crying on the shoulder of a friend or loved one. Sometimes friends or loved ones can play the role of sounding board, but that isn't guaranteed.

I don't know how you can find a good sounding board. But I think this would do more for you than talking just to vent about the stress. I agree that you need very much to talk with someone, but not just to blow off steam. You need to be able to go "AAAARGH!!!! The Whatsit is NOT fucking working AGAIN for the third fucking time this fucking week" and have someone say "So, with that much downtime, would it make sense to buy a second Whatsit? Would having two of them eliminate one of the major sources of stress in your life?" or even "So, explain to me what a Whatsit does. Why is this such an enormous source of stress for you?" and then in the course of explaining its role in the business, you have some epiphany about how things work and why you keep tripping over X, Y and Z issues.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#62

Post by creepydata »

bsvalley wrote: post #7

There is a huge misunderstanding from people in tech regarding blue collar jobs. You guys are way too naive about what it entails to work at a grocery store or on a construction site. I've done it a few times during summer while studying CS to pay for my bills. They do shifts from 4am-12pm, or 12pm-8pm, or even night shift... They treat you like a bad kid, you get humiliated 24h/7 by who ever is higher in the "hierar…

You're describing a poor work environment which can occur in tech, especially in startup. There's also thousands upon thousands of blue collar work that don't have a poor work environment.

I felt much better after a day of unloading trucks in a wearhouse than I do now coming home from a day of sitting in an office chair programming. Sitting all day is terrible for your body and it's exausting to boot. One of the biggest shocks of my entire life was the first day I got home from my first programming gig and being more tired than coming home from the job I was working a week before (food service) (1)

(1) https://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/23/stand-up-wh...

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#63

Post by snarf21 »

throwaway10595 wrote: post #6
mindcrime wrote: post #4

I mean, it's hard to truly know what somebody else is experiencing and to give advice in a situation like that. But if you're that close to an acquisition and if the acquistion stands to make a material difference in your life going forward (like, does it get you to "fu money"), then I'd lean towards "suck it up and stay long enough to cash out". OTOH, if the acquisition gets you, say, enough money for a new car, but…

I'd say it's not fu money. We're talking total deal size of I do think I'd regret not following through, you're right. The question is whether that regret is worse than multiple years of hating work. I guess I'm probably the only one who can answer that. I just took a week off and went out of town. Although everyone did manage to leave me alone while I was gone, people tried to do my job because they didn't want to k…

Money stops to matter when the stress gets too high and you still have to close and all that takes plus stay years on the earn out. I think the thing you have to realize is that you are the company. The past is past, so can you train (and hire) people to do the things that you are currently essential for? If you can't, do you know for a fact that the acquirer will let you hire and train those people? If not, you need to find a way to cash out less in exchange for a maximum of 6 months of training people how to do what you do now. It could be that 6 months isn't enough time. If the company has no value without, then the company has no value, only you do. (exaggerating a little for effect)

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#64

Post by philip1209 »

I agree with others that you should take some time off, talk to a professional, and try to fix things if possible. That being said . . .

I was in a similar position: last remaining founder having to pick between an acquihire where I'd be locked in to a job I didn't want, or pivot. I had cash in the bank, so I felt obligated to not stop. I talked to my investors, and they said "it's ok to shut down."

The thing to keep in mind is that early-stage investors don't care about 1x or 2x returns - they hope that one or two out of dozens of investments make enough money to return the portfolio.

For me: I chose to shut down [1] and travel for a bit. We open-sourced the code, which made clients happy. I kept my phone in "do not disturb" mode for a solid month after shutting down - it took awhile to decompress. (The shutdown process is still ongoing after 4 months, unfortunately). Feel free to email me if you want to chat.

[1] https://blog.staffjoy.com/staffjoy-is-shutting-down-39f7b5d6...

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#65

Post by newera2016 »

I am in a similar situation other than the fact that I don't have acquisition offer and startup is not making much money even not able to pay my own expense. I have lots of customers though and working on it for more than 3 years. Feeling depressed every day and try to ask the question "what to do?". However, I have people who are managing that well.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#67

Post by misiti3780 »

chatmasta wrote: post #16

Take a vacation, preferably to a beach. Use it to learn what processes at your company are dependent on you. Then when you get back, start documenting and delegating every process until you are no longer a critical dependency. Then take another, longer vacation. Sounds like you need one.

+1 on vacation, also maybe read a book like Deep Work, he has some interesting concepts that might be helpful involving exercise.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#68

Post by JepZ »

1. Get help (e.g. by a professional)

2. Find ways to cope with the stress (identify the real sources)

3. Decide if you want to continue the work for your company

In that order. Otherwise, you might regret your decision at a later time. Keep in mind that your recovery might take some time. The pain does not vanish within a day.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#69

Post by _e »

chatmasta wrote: post #16

Take a vacation, preferably to a beach. Use it to learn what processes at your company are dependent on you. Then when you get back, start documenting and delegating every process until you are no longer a critical dependency. Then take another, longer vacation. Sounds like you need one.

+1 for learning what processes your company depends on you for. The vacation is a bonus.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#70

Post by karthikb »

dfuhriman wrote: post #31

The problem you are experiencing is a result of the lack of systems and processes in your business. You need to make an important hire- you are missing a systematic. See, creatives like you are awesome at solving problems but hate to have structure and order because it doesn't allow you 100% freedom. But, as a result, you just have 100% creativity/problem solving- which is draining. The worst thing is, you can't even…

I would be interested in reading this as well...I've faced (and face) many of the same issues myself.
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