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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#591

Post by javajosh »

mancerayder wrote: post #537
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

> You need to see a therapist You should reword that. Otherwise how did humanity last this long? Psychotherapy is less than two centuries old. You should instead say something like, "One option is to see a therapist." There are friends, elders, books, and a number of other ways to climb out of a mental rut. Traipsing "Psychology Today" for a therapist who will charge the insurance $150 for 40 minutes of a session, th…

Yes, too often "You need to see a therapist" is just a euphemism for "I don't want to listen to your problems."

This is an important data point and a general trend toward the cheapening of human relationships. Friendship means something very specific, and for a lot of people now it means only the superficial. Anything deeper than that is actively discouraged. I think of those surveys about friendship took this kind of friendship into account. The number of people without any friends at all would be outrageously high.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#592

Post by svnt »

philosopher1234 wrote: post #579
wizeman wrote: post #578

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What meta analysis shows the inefficacy of psychoanalysis? Despite being apparently on the side of science, you didn’t bother to cite any actual science. Ironic Look, if you are so interested in this, why don't you do the research yourself? I literally just googled "meta-analysis psychoanalysis" and the very first link that came up [1] was, surprisingly, a meta-analysis about psychoanalysis which concluded the abst…

Here’s a study from a month or two ago (10 years after your meta analysis) with n=216 and long term follow up showing (high, increasing) efficacy. You seem confused about the conclusions there, that doesn’t discredit psychoanalysis, it encourages further study. And here is further study. You should try to be more rigorous in your thinking. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9710086/

The study you linked is for specific narrow treatment techniques in intensive inpatient psychotherapy, as compared with more typical psychotherapy treatment in the community for people on the waitlist.

There are a handful of problems I can think of for using a waitlist in the community receiving traditional psychotherapy as a control for a group receiving intensive inpatient treatment.

But the article you linked does not support your point in the context of this discussion.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#594

Post by resource0x »

> I had all the desires of a regular guy: a wife, kids, a house, meaningful work, etc. I mean I still do, but I guess I'm too late for the first few.

No, 42 is not too late. You have to take care of somebody, this will fill your life with meaning. This meaning is hard to describe (it may not look rational), but you will feel it. Also, stop looking for a "meaningful job" - it's unlikely you will find one. As soon as you realize that the only thing that matters is taking care of your family, the issue of "meaningful job" will automatically lose its importance.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#595

Post by JamesBarney »

kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

It really sounds like your main problem is your depressed. So I'd get a therapist, get on medication, and try some things one the urls below.

And to expand on that, if you're not vibing or getting results from one therapist see another one. Don't give up after seeing just one. I know plenty of people that didn't see much improvement after one therapist but did well with others.

Look into medications, they are a lot easier to stick to than seeing a therapist especially if you're depressed. Even if the first drug doesn't work try another one. The non-response rates to a single medication are much smaller than if you didn't respond to one you try another one.

In the process get started with this book. https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Workbook-Depress...

This website has a lot of useful information too. (Written by a psychiatrist) https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/06/16/things-that-sometimes-...

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#596

Post by philosopher1234 »

svnt wrote: post #592
philosopher1234 wrote: post #579

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here’s a study from a month or two ago (10 years after your meta analysis) with n=216 and long term follow up showing (high, increasing) efficacy. You seem confused about the conclusions there, that doesn’t discredit psychoanalysis, it encourages further study. And here is further study. You should try to be more rigorous in your thinking. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9710086/

The study you linked is for specific narrow treatment techniques in intensive inpatient psychotherapy, as compared with more typical psychotherapy treatment in the community for people on the waitlist. There are a handful of problems I can think of for using a waitlist in the community receiving traditional psychotherapy as a control for a group receiving intensive inpatient treatment. But the article you linked does…

It proves psychoanalysis is not discredited.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#597

Post by philosopher1234 »

wizeman wrote: post #584
philosopher1234 wrote: post #579

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here’s a study from a month or two ago (10 years after your meta analysis) with n=216 and long term follow up showing (high, increasing) efficacy. You seem confused about the conclusions there, that doesn’t discredit psychoanalysis, it encourages further study. And here is further study. You should try to be more rigorous in your thinking. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9710086/

See, this is exactly why I didn't want to cite any particular study or analysis. I knew this was going to turn into this pointless debate. I even mentioned it in my parent comment that you can always find some study which says the opposite of what I'm saying. That does not refute what I said and it is not how science works. You have to analyze a bunch of evidence, from many studies and meta-studies together as a whol…

You claimed psychoanalysis is discredited. You are wrong, and I proved you wrong. Is the debate about its scientific status ongoing? Yes. But you were foolish with your words, and should retract them.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#598

Post by rex-mundi »

larve wrote: post #320

Managed to lift myself out of a suicidal hole that started when I was around 7-8. It started with quitting smoking and picking up exercise, which did seem to make a lot of the underlying substrate of hopelessness recede. Then came the pandemic, which allowed me to step back from human interaction and day to day noise enough to realize how much calmer my life could be. I picked up mountain biking which reconnected wit…

Fellow ADHD austisic here. Who do you follow on Twitter that helped you?

Also anything else that helped with either ADHD or autism, ADHD meds don't work for me so I'm struggling to find something that does

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#599

Post by boucher »

Trasmatta wrote: post #465
cromwellian wrote: post #313

Earlier quoted context omitted.

100% to the above and I would look specifically for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which specializes in treating distorted thinking. It rescued me from my early thirties and I haven’t been depressed since. Our brains are wired to generate stories and narratives around everything, we can’t help it, and sometimes those narratives are distorted but cause damage and like a scab, we keep reinforcing and picking at them. Lea…

An alternative to CBT that you might want to consider is Internal Family Systems. I find it to be a more holistic and compassionate form of therapy that respects your entire internal system. Sometimes we have internal parts that need love and care more than they need lecturing on cognitive distortions. CBT is effective for many people which is great, but there are other options.

CBT didn't really work for me, but I have found IFS to be a bit more useful, as well as another framework called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

Personally, I found it helpful to read some of the books on these and related concepts, as a supplement to therapy. Also, it can be a frustratingly slow journey.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#600

Post by coyotespike »

I sorted my life out in my mid-30s. Still divorced and single, which is scary as I push 40, but everything is on an unshakable upward track.

You are in a wonderful position, and a tough one. What's tougher than feeling sandbagged by your own psyche? What's better than not being an addict who's hurt everyone that matters to you? Well done having savings from over a decade ago, that is exceptional.

You are far from alone. Lots of people feel stuck, over the hill, like they have unique and unhelp-able problems.

Everyone else has already suggested getting a therapist; it's a real project to find the person (person, not school of thought) right for you, but worthwhile. If you can learn how to meditate (stick to the traditions imo), many people find therapy + meditation a great one-two punch combo. Maybe the best. A mushroom trip might help.

Thank you for the work you've already started, and best of luck.

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