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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#581

Post by stphnlngdn »

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

I am also struggling with sleep. Applying for jobs and starting a blood pressure medication flipped on my insomnia. It's been nearly a month of waking up three or four hours before I want to and it's driving me crazy. Does anyone have any tips for falling back to sleep?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#582

Post by e40 »

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

Glad you found a solution.

A very dear friend committed suicide after a few weeks of sleeplessness. I can't say it was the sole cause, but I don't believe he would have done that had he been sleeping more.

Lack of sleep is dangerous to the human brain. Anyone that experiences this should seek help immediately.

My solution to a racing mind: solitaire. I play for 10 minutes and I'm totally groggy and fall asleep very quickly.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#583

Post by Dumblydorr »

1msi wrote: post #506

No. I’ve been really stressed out about work. This was actually a very cool job (8 minute commute, good coworkers) until about a month ago when a former coworker got promoted to manager. Suffice it to say he’s not cut out for the position. Our recent sprints have left me with fuck-all to do almost all the time while being massively overworked the tiny remaining portion of the time. Had a heart attack at work 4 weeks…

Wow, that sucks, sorry to hear. Sounds like your grandparents may need home health care, what's their living situation? They may benefit from further help than you can provide from your limited free time.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#584

Post by swagasaurus-rex »

baalimago wrote: post #397
inthistogether wrote: post #354

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm so sorry. I'd offer a hug if possible. 1. I agree - living organisms are inherently cancer. Especially humans. However, I have come to accept without pain we cannot appreciate pleasure. 2. I have a great job, wife, kids, etc. but still feel depression and have suicidal thoughts. Do not feel guilty for them. Honestly, I might have killed myself if I didn't have children. I also look at the world negatively. That's…

Thank you. I've been through enough psychiatric care to know that the main prioritization is the welfare invested into me, not actually who "I" am. They don't care, and I get that. I've tried caring for those who are ill, it takes a heavy toll. Always choosing to be positive is a main reason I am in the state I'm in. I was always smart enough to rationalize away any negative emotions and actions, which is why I'm not…

I think it's fine to feel the way you do.

It's impossible not to have negative emotions sometimes, unhealthy even if you don't get the lows. I try not to let it ruin the highs for me, the good moments only happen so often.

I'm sorry you didn't feel as if psychiatric care is not invested in who "you" are. It takes not only an observant person, but also somebody who is compatible in a psychological and conversational way.

In a round about way, I've found the best cure for the desire to be understood, is to actually take time and understand others.

It is rare if not impossible to find somebody who 'fully understands me', but sometimes you can find that you and somebody else understands another in small but meaningful ways.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#585

Post by eddywebs »

godfreyantonell wrote: post #214

I am doing ok. Thanks for asking. I am working in my first "hard tech" job after graduating from the help desk. I am also working in my first real job. I am in my late 40's. I am a Unix sysadmin for a fortune 10 company. I have some old debts that I am slowly paying off. They are from years of bad jobs and bad decisions. I am working on getting a better job, migrating into development. My first HN comment. I hope I d…

Unix system admin can be stressful especially if its a production environment. It's great to hear things are working out for ya and you're enjoying the new gig.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#586

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

Maybe you could start by not framing the entire world in terms of numbers?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#587

Post by l_t »

anon9001 wrote: post #438
rileyteige wrote: post #374

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can relate here, not sure if this is a reality for you but one thing that's helped me in this regard is negotiating 25hr/wk arrangements (accepting the pay cut). More flexibility, and if you're willing to burn the midnight oil once in a while you can bump your pay with a second (hopefully temporary!) gig.

How does that work in practice? What do you do? I can do just about any tech job, but every employer I've ever had is only interested in more than full time. Maybe I've been unintentionally signalling that I'm capable of doing more and that's why I keep finding myself in this situation? I'd be much happier if I had half the salary and somehow was able to work 2x12hr days instead of 5x8hr days, but I have no idea how…

Have you considered remote work? Sounds like it would be right up your alley. (Good) remote companies work based on results, not "butts in seats," so you're free to work in whatever way works best for you. Of course, you still have to be productive.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#588

Post by aroundtown »

Honestly I'm not.

I haven't had a job in 5 years, due in part to relocating for my partner, family health problems, and then my own health problems.

I've developed a bad anxiety problem, due in part to the shitty job experiences, which has been amplified due to my own health issues.

To top it off, tech work generally leaves me unfulfilled. I don't want to work on another CRM, build another website, or fix another damned computer. I want to do work that matters, work that is new and innovative. I'm tired of not making money.

Finally, I am sick and tired of all the bad luck I seem to have. I'm on the wrong side of the success bell curve and I don't like being here one bit.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#589

Post by p1esk »

anon9001 wrote: post #542
p1esk wrote: post #518

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Working on a beach is optional if it's not your thing. I only mentioned it because it would probably feel less like work to me. The point is you choose where and when you want to work. About being online - I worked remotely for a year with a 10 hour time difference. Talked to my boss on Skype once a week to discuss progress. The rest was up to me. Most of communication was done via ticket comments. Sometimes I skippe…

> Talked to my boss on Skype once a week to discuss progress. The rest was up to me. Most of communication was done via ticket comments. Wait, is this common? I'm constantly answering questions and helping my team along as people get stuck all day. If I had the kind of an arrangement you're describing, I'd just get all my work done for the week in a day, and I wouldn't have a problem. Was there anything preventing yo…

I have a phd in deep learning, so I do R&D type of work, where I mostly read papers, build models, run experiments, and occasionally write emails to others who work on similar problems.

I actually didn't like to be so disconnected from the group. I like face to face brainstorming sessions, and I couldn't really have that there.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#590

Post by aristophenes »

anon9001 wrote: post #562
hhjinks wrote: post #551

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here comes an inverse take. I used to believe what you believe... Before I started working. I couldn't imagine getting up before 9 every day and go to work, get home around 5, and repeat that every day. Now that I've actually started working, I've completely changed. I took a week off to play Classic, but I was tearing my eyes out after three days, bored out of my mind. Now I feel like I can never see myself retiring…

I'm blown away by that. How did you make the transition? I didn't know anyone transitioned from how I think about life to how you now think about it. I've got "love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life" filed somewhere between "atheism is just a phase" and "you'll want kids some day". I'm starting to think I've missed some key developmental step.

Please understand that I am saying this in a compassionate, not a judgmental way. I think the key developmental step is to be able to get over yourself. I think this is a fundamental part in becoming a mature person. Many of us are forced through this step against our will and maybe without realizing it. Either through our job, or significant other, or kids, or some other experience that just overwhelms you. Apparently you are a tougher nut to crack than most people. It's not easy because it's like part of you has to die and it doesn't go quietly.

But on the other side, where it becomes easy to start thinking about others first, everything starts to fall into place. We were made to be like this. A human child tends to be self-focused. A human adult must be much more selfless. And I don't think we can really be happy until we achieve this state. When you can find joy in satisfying others, you have access to a bottomless well of happiness. (Then it turns out satisfying others is pretty hard even when you are really trying)

It's funny because this is something religion usually stresses as well, so if you've avoided that you really might be missing out.

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