571–580 of 767 posts
Bro you are are on the right forum. My family has a healthy dose of depression passed down. I can read it in every word you're writing. It's just a chemical reaction, you can defeat it but it will be tough. Achievement cures depression. Any achievement. Dead time exacerbates depression - i.e. watching TV, playing mindless games, porn, hell even reading sometimes (if it's trash and you're just reading to escape your r…
It doesn't seem like you really need that professional salary so much as you need _something_, and the difference from a mental health perspective between having a low-status job and none at all is immense.
Especially given the labour shortage at the moment, what's stopping you from turning your complete hellscape of a life into a mere moderate disappointment?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It depends. If you're in a serious rut I seriously think a therapist could make it worse. You need the right fit who your brain is not going to dismiss the moment they open their mouth.
How would you find the right therapist in that situation?
41-42 was the killer for me. Lost jobs (tech job meltdown in 2000/2001), broke up with long term girlfriend, car repoed, 911, mother died, condo foreclosed, storage shed sold at auction, all in a 10 month period. When looking back at that period, I sometimes wonder how I survived. When it all crashed down around me, some people I knew from online gaming took me in. All I had was a car and what fit in the back. Moving to a different state made a huge difference.
43 is not too old for dating. My age is too old for dating. If wife & kids is a desire, then it needs to become a total priority. I put it off, and as a result too much time passed by. To achieve a wife and kids, I have to rob the cradle. You are still in the dateable range of women in their 30s. 45 may be too late, 50 is almost certainly too late.
I was saving up for expenses for a surrogate. Uninsured medical expenses destroyed that (even after the 90% discount they gave me for being uninsured). I had previously considered adoption, but Florida's child welfare dept decided to declare me "legally gay" and ban me from adopting in that state (several years after I left FL, the state changed adoption laws to allow gays/lesbians to legally adopt in FL). I had gotten involved in LGBT civil rights and the bureaucrats involved didn't think that any straight person would do that. Much like the thinking that no white person could possibly be involved in the Civil Rights movement back in the 1960s.
/r/depression might be helpful. Others that may be helpful for you: /r/mentalhealth , /r/SuicideWatch .
Exercise was helpful for me. Just walking about 30 minutes per day. In gyms, I find that I enjoy aerobic dancing. I found what works for me are group classes rather than doing weights or machines. I'm not trying to get all muscular. With group classes, I found that I have to fit to their schedule, so it makes telling bosses "gotta go, I'll be back in 90 minutes" as I can fit exercise breaks into my daily routines. This was extremely helpful when I worked from home.
Therapy was helpful. I've used therapy whenever I had insurance. I know there are some places that have sliding-scale rates for lower income people. Most men of my generation would rather die than admit any sort of weakness.
There is a DNA test that you can take that can help determine which anti-depressant medications would be helpful (or not). For example, mine said that I have a gene that makes escitalopram (Lexapro) not very useful for me (my body metabolizes it too fast). If your therapist thinks that SSRI-type antidepressants might be helpful, the test could cut down on much of the trial-and-error that goes into finding which medication works for you.
Keeping up with newer technology has always been important. In the 90s and early 2000s, my budget for tech books was about $100-150/month. Nowadays, stuff moves so fast that books are obsolete before they can be printed. I'm happy being a coder and I turn into someone I hate when I've been a manager/team lead.
> no vices at all other than severe procrastination and a masterful ability to lie to myself.
Heh, join the club.
[From ChatGPT] I'm sorry to hear about the difficult circumstances you've been facing. It's understandable that you would feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to begin in trying to make positive changes in your life. It's important to remember that it's never too late to make positive changes and to work towards a life that brings you fulfillment and happiness. One thing that might be helpful is to try breaking down…
Wow. What did you use as the prompt?
My meagre advice: start with one goal. A small, achievable one. Then choose another goal, or extend the first. Repeat. Keep track of your successes in a visual way.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I would be much more convinced by a modern meta analysis There are many modern meta analysis assessing the (in)efficacy of psychoanalysis and comparing it to other approaches, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (which is the gold standard nowadays) and other approaches, which back my arguments. I am not really interested in going more deeply about this, but I encourage you to research it, if you are interested. T…
What meta analysis shows the inefficacy of psychoanalysis? Despite being apparently on the side of science, you didn’t bother to cite any actual science. Ironic
Look, if you are so interested in this, why don't you do the research yourself?
I literally just googled "meta-analysis psychoanalysis" and the very first link that came up [1] was, surprisingly, a meta-analysis about psychoanalysis which concluded the abstract with the following phrase:
"In contrast to previous reviews, we found the evidence for the effectiveness of LTPP [long-term psychoanalytic psychotherapy] to be limited and at best conflicting."
I'm not interested in wasting more of my time on this topic, so don't expect any more replies.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
What meta analysis shows the inefficacy of psychoanalysis? Despite being apparently on the side of science, you didn’t bother to cite any actual science. Ironic
> What meta analysis shows the inefficacy of psychoanalysis? Despite being apparently on the side of science, you didn’t bother to cite any actual science. Ironic Look, if you are so interested in this, why don't you do the research yourself? I literally just googled "meta-analysis psychoanalysis" and the very first link that came up [1] was, surprisingly, a meta-analysis about psychoanalysis which concluded the abst…
It sounds like you have some definition of what life should be and your life isn’t meeting your own expectations and yet you alone are defining the expectations and deficiencies. How about accepting that you are perfect and your life is perfect how it is? Then if you want to add something more you can but not from a base feeling of unworthiness and disappointment.
There are tons of people that aren’t married and have no house or kids and love life. But that’s because they define that as the good life. There are tons of people that are married with a house and kids and are miserable and wish they were single and un-encumbered. Only you get to set the definition of the good life. Start by seeing what you have that is working. You probably have health, intelligence, ext. celebrate that. Get to a place of gratitude not unfulfilled expectations.