Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

561–570 of 600 posts

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#561

Post by scrapcode »

zafka wrote: post #540
ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #514

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yup. This is why it's about complete abstinence , not moderation. The first one begets the next one, which begets the next one, and so on... When the train hits you, it's not the caboose that kills you. Complete abstinence is really hard , unless we have some kind of supporting framework. It's been my experience, that everyone that successfully quits drugs (I consider alcohol to be just another drug, but legal, and e…

Yes to this. Best is several of the above. I started in AA. I have stayed in AA for many years. Once you clear up it is quite easy to point out quite a few issues with AA, many people quit going because of them. I feel it is my responsibility to be there for new people to let them know that as long as they do not drink, they do not have to get all hung up on the dogma of the program. There are a whole lot of things w…

I certainly agree. AA makes sense and there is a ton of wisdom in the BB. I will still lurk a zoom meeting from time to time. The biggest negate for me was that my local meeting that I liked was at the same time as jiu-jitsu - which as the poster above you mentions, I felt would do me more harm than good. If it were more of my demographic I'd probably find time to attend more tbh. I know that all sounds pretty selfish.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#562

Post by MichaelApproved »

anonymousiam wrote: post #502
MichaelApproved wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is terrible advice. I’m sorry to be so harsh, especially here, where I know etiquette is important but this comment needs to be shut down. The dismissive suggestion that alcoholism can be cured simply by using “self-control” is toxic. Yes, self-control is PART of it, but to say that it’s “all about self-control” is damaging. There’s a reason the person is struggling to control their behavior. There are underlyin…

I have always looked at alcoholism as a behavior problem. After all, the alcoholic drinks and (usually) nobody is forcing them. I have seen the destruction it causes first hand. Some say that it takes will power to not drink, but will is required to drink as well. If you cannot control what you put into your body, then you should probably be declared a danger to yourself and locked up for a while.

Do you believe any kind of addiction exists?

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#563

Post by engineeringwoke »

jiggywiggy wrote: post #424
marginalia_nu wrote: post #325

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's sort of a false dichotomy. The options aren't 1. Drink alcohol to calm down 2. Stay anxious and stressed The options are more like 1. Drink alcohol to calm down and impair your sleep ensuring you'll get stressed more often and need to have a glass of calming juice again soon 2. Wear yourself out at the gym to calm down and improve your cortisol regulation and reduce the need to calm down 3. See a therapist and…

It's both and, instead either or. We don't all want to reduce stressors, but find ways to deal with it better. Sometimes you push hard, and a good glass wine is exactly what you need. Sometimes you push hard, and you had enough wine the week before. Therapists are overrated, no scientific backing in learning how to deal with high stress situations. I recommend everyone working out, but when you had a stressful day or…

> Sometimes you push hard, and a good glass wine is exactly what you need.

Because it makes you feel good? You certainly don't need it. It's a crutch. For socialization, sure. But to "wind down" or "de-stress"? That's not healthy in the long term.

> I recommend everyone working out, but when you had a stressful day or week, a gym workout might just add more cortisol.

Huh?

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#564

Post by zafka »

scrapcode wrote: post #561
zafka wrote: post #540

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes to this. Best is several of the above. I started in AA. I have stayed in AA for many years. Once you clear up it is quite easy to point out quite a few issues with AA, many people quit going because of them. I feel it is my responsibility to be there for new people to let them know that as long as they do not drink, they do not have to get all hung up on the dogma of the program. There are a whole lot of things w…

I certainly agree. AA makes sense and there is a ton of wisdom in the BB. I will still lurk a zoom meeting from time to time. The biggest negate for me was that my local meeting that I liked was at the same time as jiu-jitsu - which as the poster above you mentions, I felt would do me more harm than good. If it were more of my demographic I'd probably find time to attend more tbh. I know that all sounds pretty selfis…

Hi Scrap, I moved to Florida after my first year of sobriety. There was a fantastic meeting on Friday nights with lots of "young" people. After a year or so a bunch of "thumpers" and other folks who loved to hear themselves talk started coming and totally changed the vibe. It motivated me to start a beach meeting. Well we just celebrated 30 years of our meeting. If you ever get to the treasure coast look us up. life's a beach - 8:45 am on Sunday.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#565

Post by AlwaysRock »

blakewatters wrote: post #484
AlwaysRock wrote: post #480

I listened to Annie Graces This Naked Mind and it helped me make a rational argument for why I shouldnt drink. I wanted to stop when I started the book mostly because hangovers started getting bad and I was spending too much on booze. I told myself I was going to quit for 90 days. That turned into 6 months. Which turned into about 2 years now. At this point I dont get urges anymore. The first 90 days were the worst.…

The most concerning part of this post is that you could get drunk enough to watch shitty lifetime movies and describe "those shits are fun"

I mean they are all plot and action. Pretty good if you can drink enough to ignore the shitty parts. Even sober I'll throw on a lifetime movie once in a while because its at least as good as a lot of things on netflix.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#566

Post by mixmastamyk »

bradlys wrote: post #529
kritiko wrote: post #528

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of athletics is dangerous - I think it's only fair for people to be informed about the risks because often awareness and procedures can mitigate them. I'm a decently strong climber, and I would never discourage people from trying it. But I think an honest presentation should include the risks

Exactly. I’ve had to stop climbing multiple times due to injuries. It just fucking happens for most of us. I had a fucked up shoulder for 6+ months that limited me from climbing and other activities. Even now - I don’t think about it all the time but it makes different noises and feels than before the incident - and not good ones! It reminds me often of what happened.

“Climbing a mountain” can include walking up a well-maintained trail at a reasonable grade as well.

There’s a guideline here to choose a charitable interpretation of other’s comments. Not the worst possible.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#567

Post by zachjustice »

cassonmars wrote: post #527
ffwacom wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Amazing. I’m coming up on my second year sobriety anniversary, if it’s not too personal could you talk more about this: “A real kind of personal work that most people will never have to put into themselves”?

While some people pick up the bottle in addiction due to purely genetic affinity, others are using it as an escape. While my existence is hotly debated on hacker news whenever the topic arises, my escape was a struggle in trying to not address the gender incongruence between that which I was assigned at birth, and who I truly was. About a year after quitting alcohol, which is usually the recommended space people shou…

Thank you for sharing your story!

I cannot fathom what your personal journey must have been like, but it makes me want to be a better person having heard it.

If I can ask, who or what helped you the most during this time in your life?

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#568

Post by hnaccount2001 »

Basically I kept trying; IMO several “failures” were necessary. What really got me over the hump was taking up new hobbies that I couldn’t do hungover, and resetting my social life (meet friends for lunch, not drinks, etc). After a year or so of not drinking I now do have drinks every so often, maybe once a month, but my relationship to drinking is totally different now. I’ve become one of those people who feels sleepy and kind of gross after two drinks.

Psychotherapy helped with the hating myself when I failed (which was almost worse than the drinking itself). That was a major issue.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#569

Post by inwerds »

Hello. Long time lurker, first-time poster (because this question resonates with me).

I accidentally stopped drinking after 30+ years. Three factors helped get me there.

1. I have been practicing mindfulness for 20+ years. Alcohol disrupted my practice.

2. To prioritize my health, I modified my diet (keto), and drinking no longer fit into my food-related health goals.

3. I started exercising, and drinking didn't support this habit.

Takeaways: if possible, add important things (i.e., habits) to your life. Sometimes these habits force alcohol out of your life. So, instead of "Stop drinking," start "something(s)" and let them force alcohol out.

Of course, this may not work for you, but I wanted to share what worked for me.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#570

Post by cassonmars »

zachjustice wrote: post #567
cassonmars wrote: post #527

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While some people pick up the bottle in addiction due to purely genetic affinity, others are using it as an escape. While my existence is hotly debated on hacker news whenever the topic arises, my escape was a struggle in trying to not address the gender incongruence between that which I was assigned at birth, and who I truly was. About a year after quitting alcohol, which is usually the recommended space people shou…

Thank you for sharing your story! I cannot fathom what your personal journey must have been like, but it makes me want to be a better person having heard it. If I can ask, who or what helped you the most during this time in your life?

It was something I intrinsically knew, from the moment I became remotely cognizant of the differences between men and women (about 5 years old). I didn’t have words for it, and frequently any mention of the notion either by myself or in popular culture was met with instant derision or comedy. So with the social brow beatings accumulated, I kept quiet, and tried to live as a man. The depression got worse, the drinking got worse, etc. The things that helped me most:

- My spouse, who was supportive and understanding the moment I came out

- My family, who were largely unsurprised by the news (my grandfather made an oddly supportive albeit sexist joke, saying “I knew that kid was a girl the moment she learned to talk and wouldn’t shut up!”)

- My friends, who were also completely unsurprised

- My own physiology, in that I discovered in the process of obtaining HRT that I am intersex, which honestly explained a lot.

Post reply on HN