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Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

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Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#551

Post by Netcob »

rkagerer wrote: post #446
nzealand wrote: post #365

A software engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. “That’s a group of blind firefighters,” they are told. “They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.” The priest says, “I will say a prayer for them tonight.” The doctor…

I'm a firefighter programmer and I liked this one.

Well looks like you just leaked Boston Dynamics' next product.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#552

Post by bryanrasmussen »

avmich wrote: post #134
zhoujianfu wrote: post #125

A physicist, chemist, and programmer were going to lunch together. When they got in the car though, it wouldn’t start. “Maybe it’s out of gas?” said the Chemist. “Maybe it’s a problem with the engine?” said the Physicist. “Maybe if we all just get out of the car and get back in.”

“Maybe if we all just close all windows, turn off the car, get out of the car and get back in.”

the closing of the windows suggestion is historically supposed to be made by a Microsoft Certified Engineer.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#553

Post by [deleted] »

mijoharas wrote: post #542

A physicist, a mathematician and a programmer are in a car driving on a windy mountain path. All of a sudden as they round a corner, the brakes fail. After a few terrifying moments, the car skids to a halt and they emerged unscathed. The physicist thinks for a second, and says "It must be the lower pressure due to the air, it's made some of our brake fluid evaporate, we should get some more brake fluid before we get…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#554

Post by bryanrasmussen »

sli wrote: post #159
avmich wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Maybe if we all just close all windows, turn off the car, get out of the car and get back in.”

The touchscreen in my car is wonky (known issue, just haven't bothered to fix it), so when something goes sideways with the Bluetooth audio, turning the car off and back on is easily the fastest way to get my music back.

must make road trips fun.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#557

Post by Yizahi »

You were hired as a foreman on a construction of a laboratory on the island. You arrive at the island and among unfinished buildings you see - a giant ventilator the size of a building, an air balloon ready to fly, and a room completely filled with a floor mops. After some head scratching you remove all this junk and complete the laboratory. But right after the scientists start their work you hear an alert - "ALARM, TOXIC GAS LEAK DETECTED!".

- What is going on?! - you are crying, and call the previous foreman.

- Hi Alex, we have a toxic gas leak in the lab, what can we do now?

- Hmm, I dunno, did you change anything in the project?

- Well, I've thrown away floor mops...

- They were holding the ceiling.

- I'M SORRY WHAT? HOLDING WHAT AGAIN?!

- There are gas tanks on the floor above, very heavy, so I had to to fill the room below with mops to hold them.

- You could have wrote some note, you know. What should I do now?

- Turn on ventilator, it will blow the gas away from the island.

- I've removed it a long time ago.

- Why?

- Why did you built 100 ton ventilator in the first place? You could have just prepare a box of gas masks.

- I would have need to search for gas masks and ventilator was a leftover from my previous project, so I've used it.

- Alex, we are suffocating here and there is no ventilator! We need help!

- The fuck are you doing there then? Get on the air balloon and fly away.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#559

Post by rkagerer »

avmich wrote: post #166

When going to sleep, programmer puts to the table next to his bed a glass with water and an empty glass. The glass with water is in case he'll want to drink at night and the empty glass is in case he won't.

The next morning he wakes up to find the first glass empty, the other full of an amber tinted liquid, and a stranger in bed with him.

"You must be the new consultant."

"How can you tell?"

"All we needed was a nappy, but instead you've bastardized the system in ways it was never meant to be used, left a leaky abstraction that doesn't flush the output, and now I've got to clean up the mess ur in."

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#560

Post by polytely »

dvfjsdhgfv wrote: post #419
whoisburbansky wrote: post #252

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The "you learn limits in like, 9th grade" comment reminds me of this one: Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells he…

> ask the blonde waitress an integral I know this is a fun thread, but in real life you could have serious problems if you tell this kind of jokes. To my fellow downvoters: I hate it as much as you do.

Seems very unlikely? This joke is obviously punching up instead of punching down. Feel like a lot of people worried about cancel culture have some kind of bogeyman in their head that doesn't reflect reality at all.

Even if that wasn't the case: the niche nature of the joke protects you against global outrage

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