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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#541

Post by jacobush »

Waterluvian wrote: post #419
Joe-Z wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is great! I wasn‘t sure if I should try it again after getting hooked in my teens. But now I think I will just sell it as a mental health exercise to myself :D But jokes aside, good to hear you‘re feeling better. I can definitely see how going about the kind of low-effort but very satisfying and immersive activity that is WoW could be helpful for people having problems handling their stress levels. All the best…

Thanks! My wife hypothesizes that it's the act of getting my attention fixed to something dumb enough that my brain can "wind down" before bed. (not that WoW is dumb. But I spend my time fishing and taking photos)

Taking photos (with analog film actually) was a sort of an emotional outlet for me. It also made my wife say, either you quit doing that or we divorce. And I thought to myself, is this... a normal way to argue? I figured, no probably not. Slowly I started questioning more things. Many months of pain and suffering and finally we are divorced and I'm so relieved. What helps me sleep now is podcasts and making sure I've had at least some exercise during the day, like biking to work or long walks with the dog. The physical activity is especially important if I have a lot of troubles to worry about.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#542

Post by anon9001 »

p1esk wrote: post #518
anon9001 wrote: post #460

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did that and relocated from SF to a cheaper part of the country. How does working on a beach help? I'm expected to be online during core work hours and available for calls (in a quiet location with good internet). I feel like I've optimized working as much as humanly possible and I'm still going insane. My job pays well, has good benefits, has good coworkers, my opinion is valued, my work is appreciated, my boss is…

Working on a beach is optional if it's not your thing. I only mentioned it because it would probably feel less like work to me. The point is you choose where and when you want to work. About being online - I worked remotely for a year with a 10 hour time difference. Talked to my boss on Skype once a week to discuss progress. The rest was up to me. Most of communication was done via ticket comments. Sometimes I skippe…

> Talked to my boss on Skype once a week to discuss progress. The rest was up to me. Most of communication was done via ticket comments.

Wait, is this common? I'm constantly answering questions and helping my team along as people get stuck all day. If I had the kind of an arrangement you're describing, I'd just get all my work done for the week in a day, and I wouldn't have a problem. Was there anything preventing you from doing that?

Maybe I'm doing remote wrong? I can choose "where" as long as it's quiet and has good internet, but I can't choose the "when" at all.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#543

Post by anon9001 »

Miner49er wrote: post #496
anon9001 wrote: post #360

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

A subreddit for people who feel similar: reddit.com/r/antiwork.

Wow, as advertised, there's 43k people who feel just like me.

I agree with almost everything I'm seeing there, but it seems more about highlighting the problems than finding solutions.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#544

Post by jl6 »

hliyan wrote: post #218
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. Oddly enough, I recently found myself saying something to this effect, in a meeting: "I'm an engineer, a professional. I like to take pride in my work. I look at doctors (or civil engineers) at my age and wonder about the level of respect they enjoy and how they approach their profession. How did we get to a point where we…

It’s probably a simple answer: nobody regulates or gatekeeps the title of Software Engineer, so any yahoo can (and does) claim to be one, with highly variable results.

The other factor is that it’s certainly possible to be a first class software engineer while still a teenager, whereas I suspect there are no teenage doctors. So you have a population of very young, very capable engineers, who have fast-forwarded their careers past all the hard-won social skills lessons that others their age have been learning.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#545

Post by AareyBaba »

gbrown wrote: post #330
theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

One thing you can consider (in the US): quit and file for unemployment benefits - it's a hostile work environment, so youre entitled to this. That would give you some cushion while searching for a new job.

Googled "can you quit and file for unemployment".

To qualify for unemployment, you must be out of work through no fault of your own. If you quit your job voluntarily, without good cause, you won't be eligible for unemployment benefits. However, if you are forced out and/or have good cause to quit, you may still be eligible for benefits, depending on the circumstances.

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/unemployment-benefit...

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#546

Post by clinta »

CalRobert wrote: post #161
theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

The only solution to this is leaving. Also, remember that HR is there to protect the company, not you.

This is true, but protecting the company may mean doing something about an abusive manager that creates liability for the company.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#547

Post by reroute1 »

jacobush wrote: post #541
Waterluvian wrote: post #419

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks! My wife hypothesizes that it's the act of getting my attention fixed to something dumb enough that my brain can "wind down" before bed. (not that WoW is dumb. But I spend my time fishing and taking photos)

Taking photos (with analog film actually) was a sort of an emotional outlet for me. It also made my wife say, either you quit doing that or we divorce. And I thought to myself, is this... a normal way to argue? I figured, no probably not. Slowly I started questioning more things. Many months of pain and suffering and finally we are divorced and I'm so relieved. What helps me sleep now is podcasts and making sure I've…

Good for you, that sounds like a pretty unreasonable ultimatum to give someone.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#548

Post by koonsolo »

codingstuffs wrote: post #535

Appreciate the question. Not particularly - the work culture at my current employer is slowly killing me. I have managed (through meds/therapy) depression/anxiety. The startup I'm currently working for has no work/life balance, which is severely starting to affect my health. Engineers are on call all the time. Having to check email on nights and weekends is just a normal week now. There is very little task management…

You offer a service to your employer and agreed a price for that service. Don't wrongly assume that just because he pays you, he can ask anything. Of course he can ask anything, but that doesn't mean you have to agree with it. It works both ways, and he needs you as much as you need him.

Make up your own mind of how far you want to go for which price, and stick with it. You have to set clear boundries in such situations.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#549

Post by sad-throwaway »

carapace wrote: post #490
sad-throwaway wrote: post #387

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are the different kinds? I am considering psychedelics as I read Ketamine is suppose to be quite effective with depression. Might be a bit hard to do that though

Oh man! There are so many things to try... The important thing is to go in without expectations and to keep trying different people and "schools" until something clicks or gels for you. Persist! Good luck and God bless. (I'm available to help, just find any recent HN comment of mine and jump in.) (In re: psychedelics. I'm not against psychedelic therapy but do your homework, and try other things first. "Set and Setti…

Woah, you weren't kidding! Thank you, I'll try to look into these when I get home

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#550

Post by Miner49er »

anon9001 wrote: post #543
Miner49er wrote: post #496

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A subreddit for people who feel similar: reddit.com/r/antiwork.

Wow, as advertised, there's 43k people who feel just like me. I agree with almost everything I'm seeing there, but it seems more about highlighting the problems than finding solutions.

yeah, unfortunately it's mostly just people venting. every once in a while they talk about solutions. it's mostly just FIRE, living very cheaply (like in a van), negotiating reduced hours, etc.
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