I don't like the new way of doing things. Kubernetes, node, react, terraform... Everything is more complicated and also more fragile. I feel like the software world is collectively mad and I'm sitting on the outside asking "wtf is going on?" Or maybe I'm the crazy one.
This is just some MVP java app with an nginx proxy, elastic-search, and mysql? Why is this running in k8s on aws via Kops in conjunction with a cloudformation template for aurora inside of a VPC? With containers separately built via packer +ansible kicked off via jenkins after each pull request merge? The CI pipeline also kicks off a canary deployment in our UAT environment with a prometheus exporter for monitoring o…
Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
541–550 of 553 posts
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#542Earlier quoted context omitted.
I was in a very similar spot last year. I pivoted back to school and have 0 regrets, good luck.
Would you mind giving some more context around your age or relative career maturity when you went back to school? I’m recently 27 and aiming for grad school next year, accelerating my plans after a really bad summer grind in my role.
But I also always felt like I was behind, because it was kind of assumed that I still had knowledge from when I took classes years ago fresh in my head, and that was far from the case, so I generally felt like I was playing catch-up the whole time.
This was undergrad by the way. Due to not being willing to take student loans I dropped out of college after my first couple of years because I couldn't afford to keep going. If I knew now what I knew then, I would have just taken the loans. Tuition shot up like crazy after 8 years away.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#543I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.
I mainly went to board/video game nights, on hikes, movie nights, group dinners, museums, beach outings, and various one-off activities like scavenger hunts and mini-golf.
Eventually I became more comfortable being around women and stopped being quite so awkward around them. I got a few dates through meetup, but ultimately I met my fiancee through OKCupid. However, I don't think I would have been comfortable around her without the two years of going to as many social events that I could handle in anything that looked remotely interesting to me.
One thing I had to get over, also, is there are a lot of women in their twenties that aren't really emotionally available, for various reasons. Focused on their career, trying to figure out who they are and what they want in life, have their own struggles they're dealing with, etc. I would spend a ton of time and energy on certain women that I really fancied but they weren't really in the dating pool, even if they said they were. More like they were looking at it, and toying with the idea, but weren't serious about it.
When I did date people like this, it always felt like a struggle to keep things going, like they weren't trying very hard to keep in touch or communicate their needs or I had to keep making larger and larger gestures just to watch things fall through my fingers. It wasn't until I happened upon some relationships that were actually pretty easy to keep going and the other person made a real effort that I realized that the former was actually not the norm, and not the best I could hope for.
So I would recommend not putting too much energy into people that don't make an effort back. Just because they agree to dates doesn't mean that they're going to reciprocate your efforts. If you don't see them try to meet you at least 40% of the way (i.e. don't ever offer to pay for anything, don't come up with date ideas, don't initiate conversations, etc) after a month or two, it's probably not worth pursuing further, at least in my opinion.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#544Interviewing. I'm good at my good. My portfolio is at least decent, and I get a lot of responses on my resume, but I consistently can't close the deal. I also have a very hard time bettering myself with the lack of feedback. I've gotten better at all the stuff you can read about online and often made it to the final round, but I can't make it to an offer.
check out interviewing.io, it might be the ticket for you
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#545Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#546Earlier quoted context omitted.
28 years! It frightens me and boggles my mind how something like this can happen after being married for so long. Looking back do you have any idea why? I'm sorry for your loss and I hope it'll get better for you soon. As others have said it's perfectly normal to feel depressed at such a life altering event and it probably does take a year or two to recover.
Some chronic depression before, maybe. But mostly, she said she wanted to find herself, and she couldn't do that with others around -- too hard to "hear herself think". Which is to say, I don't really know and never will.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#547Earlier quoted context omitted.
But it just seems impossible to practice. I'm 21 years old and at this age everyone has a lot of expectations about their partners but I know that I cannot fulfill those expectations, exactly because of what you said (because I never practiced those muscles). It just feels very strongly like if I ever ask a girl out I'll just make a dick out of myself. Ok, see I'm NOT shy, if I see you in a conference, I'l talk to yo…
Might be different nowadays but back when malls were a thing you could just go down to the mall and practice. 1st step for me was to set a goal to approach 100 women (or 50 or 20, whatever you can do) and go do it. They’re all strangers so it doesn’t matter if you goof up or look silly. Don’t focus on the results at first, just the process and mechanics of approaching, and review later what worked and didn’t. It’s li…
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#548Earlier quoted context omitted.
> a.) all my female friends told me "Dude, you're skeevy just for even mentioning them" The whole point of Red Pill stuff is that there's a disconnect between what people want and what they say they want. Also I seriously doubt your female friends have ever actually read any of the material and only know what it is from second hand information. So really their opinion on it is worthless. Also first rule of fight club…
I worked at Google at the time, so I was already well acquainted with the idea that people want something other than what they say they want. Hell, my day job consisted of running experiments on billions of people and trying to manipulate the whole web ecosystem to give us data, so I had a pretty extensive applied-psychology background there. I just felt that the specific strategies employed by most of the PUA commun…
I think ignore is too strong of a word. A lot of good ideas in the world came about from cross-pollination between two or more different domains or disciplines. Inspiration can come from anywhere, if you seek new information from all sorts of places and try plugging it into your own field of expertise.
I think that could apply here too. Even though they're playing a different game than you are, you might be able to find something useful in it that you can incorporate into your game. But you shouldn't copy+paste their advice into your game. Experiment with some of it, include bits of it that appeal to you, and leave out the rest.
Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?
#549I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.
Look into pickup communities. Don't take it as gospel, in fact ignore most of it (specially negging, and any other kind of power plays). But you'll see that it's possible, you will also learn to read signs. Mostly dating consists of improving oneself, be social, don't objectify people and learn the unwritten rules.