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Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#531

Post by wmeredith »

80386 wrote: post #30

I make I try to get at least one Git commit every day, but my job is pretty draining, so that doesn't happen. And sometimes all my projects get blocked on hard stuff that I don't have the energy to solve. For all I know, I might look alright on paper. I've co-authored a paper in a respectable journal, written a few Rails apps, a few desktop apps, and a crappy interpreter for an old language - which doesn't really use…

Dude start applying for jobs. Let the companies decide whether your good enough or not.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#532

Post by jimmy1 »

stsmith816 wrote: post #326
jimmy1 wrote: post #168

A vicious cycle of procrastination and being easily distracted. When I finally sit down to do something I am unable to complete meaningful progress (meaningful to me). I have a laundry list of things I wanted to accomplish by now, and haven't, and it's a growing weight on me.

Have you considered that maybe you simply aren't as interested in the things you want to accomplish as you think you are? I ask because I struggle with the same thing and that question is really what I'm asking myself now too. I'm a mechanical engineer and I generally like building and designing things...to a point. I enjoy it at work but by the end of the day, I just don't have the motivation to keep trying to build…

I thought that, but those thoughts are invalidated by the few memories I do have of being extremely productive, completing that project or task and feeling wonderful as a result.

No, for me, I spent about a year reading books about adult ADHD. After getting a couple of opinions, it appears that I am. However, I didn't fully believe it until I got to talking to other ADHD adults, and I recognized some of the quirky, fidgety, talking over others things that I always tend to do and I was like "yup."

However I don't like how the stimulants make me feel and I already am a heavy coffee drinker, so I am experimenting other ways I can cope: earplugs and headphones with white noise, blocking visual distractions, letting my manager know of my condition (big positive, at least for me), and I am now experimenting cutting sugar completely out of my diet.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#533

Post by slavoingilizov »

gnulinux wrote: post #305
mixmastamyk wrote: post #258

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Social activities, like all others need to be practiced regularly to become good at them. Quick question, which produces better results, going to the gym, or thinking about going to the gym over and over in your head? How about public speaking? Think of it as a muscle to be exercised. An actor friend of mine described acting in the same manner.

But it just seems impossible to practice. I'm 21 years old and at this age everyone has a lot of expectations about their partners but I know that I cannot fulfill those expectations, exactly because of what you said (because I never practiced those muscles). It just feels very strongly like if I ever ask a girl out I'll just make a dick out of myself. Ok, see I'm NOT shy, if I see you in a conference, I'l talk to yo…

> everyone has a lot of expectations about their partners

This is the thinking you have to get away from. The expectations are not that great, and if you think they are, this just makes you more anxious. You'll be surprised how forgiving/nice/helpful people can be when you're vulnerable or screw up. So go and do it anyway, and ask forgiveness later.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#534

Post by etatoby »

JimboOmega wrote: post #136
etatoby wrote: post #26

Long-term: dating/relationships. I'm very outgoing, but I have love shyness or something like that. I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable. I've always been alone. Short-term: not much! I recently dropped everything and moved to the other side of the globe (Japan) on a student visa. I'm studying a very interesting language and culture and making friends with people from all…

Is the dating/relationships thing more of a problem in the context of Japan, or just in general?

No, in general. If anything, here I'm an "exotic" person who has done a "brave" thing (moving to another continent) and therefore I seem to be more "interesting" than I was back home. Time will tell.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#535

Post by etatoby »

shatobi wrote: post #485
etatoby wrote: post #26

Long-term: dating/relationships. I'm very outgoing, but I have love shyness or something like that. I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable. I've always been alone. Short-term: not much! I recently dropped everything and moved to the other side of the globe (Japan) on a student visa. I'm studying a very interesting language and culture and making friends with people from all…

Somewhat similar situation, though living in Tokyo already for quite a while. It would be lovely if we could hang out once.

I'd love to!

Can you contact me at username at gmail? This also goes for anybody else who would like to meet for a drink, or for whatever question about studying / moving to Japan.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#536

Post by shatobi »

etatoby wrote: post #535
shatobi wrote: post #485

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Somewhat similar situation, though living in Tokyo already for quite a while. It would be lovely if we could hang out once.

I'd love to! Can you contact me at username at gmail? This also goes for anybody else who would like to meet for a drink, or for whatever question about studying / moving to Japan.

sent

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#537

Post by 24tracks »

androidgirl wrote: post #22

Depression. I have a lot of social anxiety and I feel really isolated, my best friend passed two years ago which didn't make anything better. Isolation makes depression into a feedback loop, and it feels like you keep sinking deeper and deeper.

I can so specifically relate to this struggle. I One year ago I lost my best friend of 32 years, and while I have struggled with depression on and off my whole life, it has now become turbo charged. There is something particularly sobering in the context of one's mortality when you lose someone close, and whose life mirrors your's in many ways. I just wanted to say to hang in there, and when at all possible, if someone invites you somewhere, make yourself go, even if you really don't want to. Sometimes, the body needs the physical activities of non-depressed behavior to kick itself out of it's rut. Such delicate beings we are- electrical and chemical. The pain of loss never goes away, but you will adapt to it and thrive again.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#539

Post by x220 »

mrdependable wrote: post #31

I've been struggling with adulthood ever since turning 30 and starting a family. I have this image in my head of what life after 30 looks like from seeing my parents and all their friends doing basically the same thing as each other. It's not a life I want for myself, but every decision I make pushes me further and further in that direction. My mind has been programmed to think and act in a way that eventually lands…

When you are young, you have a lot of potential. You really have the potential to be anything. As you get older, you lose that potential by making choices that limit your choices in the future. In exchange, you actually become something or do something worthwhile, instead of doing nothing worthwhile but having the potential to do anything.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#540

Post by _bfhp »

deletethis wrote: post #32

figuring out how to be a good partner to my boyfriend who just admitted he was molested as a child. he says he doesn't want to talk about it but he's also the one who's brought it up on multiple occasions. we both have very bad past experiences with counseling and medication, so it is unlikely he'd be very receptive to going down that road again. he's the most loving and beautiful person i've ever known & i want noth…

There's a lot of ways to help besides getting someone set up with medication or a therapist. One thing I can advise is that it's important to (continue to) have patience. Patience is a really powerful thing.

I know this suggestion sounds hilarious but look into the book Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies. I've seen it recommended on mental health forums, for anyone, including with no clinical diagnoses. From what I understand, CBT is not a process that is just for people with a specific set of disorders, but for everyone, and the usual setting of the therapist's office isn't the sole way to go about exploring it.

I don't have many more specific actionable ideas but I would look at forums (Reddit or maybe somewhere else) for people with similar positions who have been given advice. Just know that if you and him can't do one-on-one therapist visits or medication there is not nothing you can do. Being there to listen to him and communicating with him every day is better infinitely better than nothing.

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