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Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#521

Post by mixmastamyk »

freedom2099 wrote: post #440
Eupraxias wrote: post #425

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You posted the comment I would have added. But let me ask, what do you have in your existential toolbox that helps you do this? What have you experienced in your life which might make this easier for you than for others?

I did not post the previous comment but I am pretty much the same… I can indulge in alcohol and junk food with moderation (again I think my last hungover was more than 15 years ago)! I think to be able to “control” yourself one must posses discipline and mental health (and good genetics). I don’t drink to “escape” or “relax”… I genuinely like beer and wine for their taste (usually with some good food).

I noticed a change in my "addictiveness coefficient" with age and stress level at work. So I no longer think of it as a constant multiplier.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#522

Post by mixmastamyk »

joenot443 wrote: post #331
marginalia_nu wrote: post #149

I've found it easy to stop a great deal of such behaviors by examining not what they promise to deliver, but what they actually brought. I.e. don't look forward, look backward when making decisions. Alcohol promises a great time. Alcohol delivers a hangover and regrets. Junk food promises a great time. Junk food delivers poor health and regrets. Going to the gym promises hardship and struggle. It delivers health. I'v…

>Alcohol promises a great time. Alcohol delivers a hangover and regrets. The level of simplicity being applied here suggests to me you've never been an alcoholic nor spent much time with alcoholics. This advice is at the same level of "just think positively" when addressing depression; it's almost laughably out of touch and unhelpful. It's great that you find it easy to exhibit such control over your behaviors, but i…

What an arrogant reply. Of course a ~ten line comment about a complex subject is simplistic. It is also accurate to a first approximation. If you want an in-depth study or treatise, buy a book.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#523

Post by mixmastamyk »

hardware2win wrote: post #153
marginalia_nu wrote: post #149

I've found it easy to stop a great deal of such behaviors by examining not what they promise to deliver, but what they actually brought. I.e. don't look forward, look backward when making decisions. Alcohol promises a great time. Alcohol delivers a hangover and regrets. Junk food promises a great time. Junk food delivers poor health and regrets. Going to the gym promises hardship and struggle. It delivers health. I'v…

>Alcohol promises a great time. Alcohol delivers a hangover and regrets. One beer? Also Alco often delivers crazy social interactions that may be very desired >Reading a book promises struggling and boredom. It delivers wisdom and inspiration. I've never once regretted it. I wish, a lot of books that ive read were mostly waste of time e.g dragon book

OP says they sometimes down a 12-pack, so this comment is less than useful.

"But, but, but what if I drink only a thimble-full?"

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#524

Post by amai »

Get a child. It will make you value good sleep so much more that you will drink a lot less automatically. Also it disrupts your usual social life quite effectively so you won't meet your drinking pals anymore.

In case that is not enough simply get another child. And another one, until you are sober.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#525

Post by cassonmars »

poirot2 wrote: post #239
cassonmars wrote: post #91

I used to put away a liter of vodka a night. I kept it up for years, accumulating a solid decade of heavy drinking. I was miserable. It was souring my relationship. The stress from work, personal life, and declining mental state of course made me feel even more compelled to drink. I was becoming a shell of my former self, and my dreams were becoming strictly that. I had a confluence of events that changed my course:…

Glad this worked out for you, well done. For anyone else who’s drinking at this level (a litre a day of vodka) please don’t quit cold turkey without seeing a doctor. It genuinely can be lethal. There are temporary medications that dramatically mitigate that risk.

This is why I mentioned how dangerous and stupid it was. I experienced DTs for several days, and seizures. I’m lucky to have made it through that alive.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#526

Post by augustwalen »

It's funny how it's easy to identify how terrible you feel either during and or after drinking, but rarely leading up to buying and just before deciding to have the drink.

I've tried various tricks to help myself get off alcohol, but recently i've really instilled in myself the notion of 'this is not a solution to my problem'. My problem is namely a quick out of anxiety. After a long day at work, the tension in my mind is always relieved by alcohol, but it always exacerbated the anxiety the following day. This is compounded by the shame of not having control over myself, therefore lying blah blah. It's such a stupid cycle and it's embarrassing not to 'know thy self' enough to just flick the switch.

Anyhow, the method that worked for me:

- Giving myself a head start by seeing no friends (zero friends) for about a 2 months who are drinking - Gym/exercise everyday (no rest days, only a day of treadmill or a brisk walk) - Lowering my caffeine intake (lower anxiety) - Having full, but healthy meals (for a period, i'd replace the drinking with another anti-anxiety medication... binge eating! But this is fueled by the same pattern, therefore remembering that 'this is not a solution to my problem' really helps) - Practice social times with no drinking ( so for this, I went out into pubs by myself and grab a diet coke, which turned into lemonade, which turned into lemon water since even the large amount of sugar is not a solution to my problem' and just e x i s t e d in those placing, trying to calm myself. About 4 sessions of that over a few months help me to feel comfortable next time I was out with my drinking friends)

One thing i'd add is that I found it really important to properly arrange my hierarchy of wants. This means that I put stopping alcohol above retaining relationships. In practice, this did meant that when groups of friends would go out for a night that would only revolve around drinking.... see ya! I'd just not go. It is easier than to spend the entire night fighting that urge to drinking and being a grouch around ppl feeling bubbly from the bubbles. That means many of my relationships took a hit, but I think if not drinking is a part of how I want to live and the barrier to enter that life means having to lose many friends... it seems like an heavy, but necessary price to pay.

Think back to like, the ancestral days of humans being butt naked and barefoot. If alcohol is destroying you, do what you need to survive. Get out of that environment. Leave your town and get away from all of your triggers, even temporarily if it's causing that much of a problem. Survive!

Good luck

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#527

Post by cassonmars »

ffwacom wrote: post #146
cassonmars wrote: post #91

I used to put away a liter of vodka a night. I kept it up for years, accumulating a solid decade of heavy drinking. I was miserable. It was souring my relationship. The stress from work, personal life, and declining mental state of course made me feel even more compelled to drink. I was becoming a shell of my former self, and my dreams were becoming strictly that. I had a confluence of events that changed my course:…

Amazing. I’m coming up on my second year sobriety anniversary, if it’s not too personal could you talk more about this: “A real kind of personal work that most people will never have to put into themselves”?

While some people pick up the bottle in addiction due to purely genetic affinity, others are using it as an escape. While my existence is hotly debated on hacker news whenever the topic arises, my escape was a struggle in trying to not address the gender incongruence between that which I was assigned at birth, and who I truly was. About a year after quitting alcohol, which is usually the recommended space people should give before making large life decisions, I had concluded two things after soul searching:

1. These feelings were never going to go away.

2. I needed to, and could, do something about it.

So I began transition. It was not easy, and communities like hacker news unfortunately are not typically kind about the subject, which is why I generalized to say it was a real kind of personal work that most will never have to endure.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#528

Post by kritiko »

mixmastamyk wrote: post #519
kritiko wrote: post #407

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are risks that cannot be fully mitigated in your climbing a mountain example - rockfall, avalanche, unstable terrain, sudden storms, etc. Going to the gym and doing boring modest stairmaster will be a lot safer than climbing actual mountains. Yet you seem to recommend the accomplishment aspect of climbing mountains.

So many defeatists in this thread. The GP is not recommending indulging in dangerous activities. Perhaps we shouldn't get out of bed in the morning, we could be injured. There's a non-zero risk that can't be denied. Ammirite?

A lot of athletics is dangerous - I think it's only fair for people to be informed about the risks because often awareness and procedures can mitigate them.

I'm a decently strong climber, and I would never discourage people from trying it. But I think an honest presentation should include the risks

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#529

Post by bradlys »

kritiko wrote: post #528
mixmastamyk wrote: post #519

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So many defeatists in this thread. The GP is not recommending indulging in dangerous activities. Perhaps we shouldn't get out of bed in the morning, we could be injured. There's a non-zero risk that can't be denied. Ammirite?

A lot of athletics is dangerous - I think it's only fair for people to be informed about the risks because often awareness and procedures can mitigate them. I'm a decently strong climber, and I would never discourage people from trying it. But I think an honest presentation should include the risks

Exactly. I’ve had to stop climbing multiple times due to injuries. It just fucking happens for most of us. I had a fucked up shoulder for 6+ months that limited me from climbing and other activities. Even now - I don’t think about it all the time but it makes different noises and feels than before the incident - and not good ones! It reminds me often of what happened.

Re: Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

#530

Post by Eupraxias »

marginalia_nu wrote: post #441
Eupraxias wrote: post #425

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You posted the comment I would have added. But let me ask, what do you have in your existential toolbox that helps you do this? What have you experienced in your life which might make this easier for you than for others?

The secret, as I posted elsewhere, is that self-control is something you need to practice, like going to the gym for your amygdala. Every time your resolve wavers, resisting temptations gets harder. Every time you resist, the next time gets easier. This is what accounts for the stark differences in outlook. If you've practiced this, it feels easy, and it can be difficult to even relate to how others struggle. If you…

Hear hear, and I appreciate the Jocko reference.

My own middle path has evolved out of many things, but I imagine the three most prominent are:

1. Delayed gratification as part of childhood upbringing 2. Training to silence the internal dialogue 3. Appreciation of the miniature bonus: 4. Bach

I suspect these things have kept me from the alcoholism that is rampant in my family. I truly enjoy a few strong drinks a week, though sometimes I forget about alcohol for months or years.

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