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Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. To be blunt, it sounds like you’ve been tossed into a blender, and I can’t think of anyone in my life who could have gone through all of what you just described and not feel exhausted so please keep that in mind. It sounds like a lot. I don’t have any advice to give except, if you are able, find and speak to a professional therapist. I thought I was above that sort of…
I second this. A therapist can help _A LOT_. I spent 3 years in therapy and my life changed to the better.
As for the therapist, I can give some recommendations, because many people have difficulties with this and I can understand them. It is just necessary to refer to professionals and without that there is no way. But by the way, you don't have to go somewhere, you can even sit at home and get the necessary help. I already know how to achieve this. You just need to always address to professionals. This is a good option in fact. I already know, I have found an excellent therapy here https://calmerry.com/text-therapy/ . They have helped me a lot and I am sincerely grateful to them. I hope that it will be the same in the future. These are real professionals who know what to do and how to do it.