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Ask HN: Are you depressed?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#501

Post by swiley »

pmiller2 wrote: post #478
f0ok wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I recall a comment from Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist, saying to "aim low" when starting from a difficult perspective, and slowly increasing from there.

Of all the people you could have quoted, I think you chose the wrong one. Jordan Peterson has a persona and reputation that extends well beyond simply being a clinical psychologist, and that colors the issue.

I've heard a few people say this but it's never been explained to me. What exactly are you talking about?

I know a number people don't like him but it seems to be mostly a negative reaction to help they need rather than a legitimate argument against what he's said.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#502

Post by danbolt »

throwaway512092 wrote: post #447
ktm5j wrote: post #419

Well yeah. At the start of covid, I was dealing with ptsd from a difficult childhood.. and after some time with a good therapist (for once) I've managed to work past a lot of issues, and finally built up the courage to come out as transgender. Now I'm working with an endocrinologist on transitioning to female with hormone replacement therapy. Now I've been queer in intolerant environments before, but I have been pret…

I implore you to reconsider. I was "supportive" of my friend who came out as trans. I regret this. Like the vast majority of men, he never had a realistic chance of passing, especially since he did not start taking hormones until his mid-twenties. It was a sad delusion, and I was one of many who enabled it. For me, it was the path of least resistance: I didn't want to lose my friend. I wish I had just told him my tru…

When you talk about having a "decent shot at a normal life", I think you're assuming what's desirable for you is what's desirable for other people. It's hard to imagine someone finding fulfillment in being the lifestyle you had in mind for them if they're finding anguish in it already.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#503

Post by danbolt »

ktm5j wrote: post #419

Well yeah. At the start of covid, I was dealing with ptsd from a difficult childhood.. and after some time with a good therapist (for once) I've managed to work past a lot of issues, and finally built up the courage to come out as transgender. Now I'm working with an endocrinologist on transitioning to female with hormone replacement therapy. Now I've been queer in intolerant environments before, but I have been pret…

Hang in there, and be true to yourself.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#504

Post by Shared404 »

kortex wrote: post #500
Shared404 wrote: post #174

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Would be great actually if anyone had tips on how to get exercise habits to stick. Try picking up martial arts or dance. Learning a skill while exercising may help with both the being novelty-deprived and the exercise habits. That being said, both of those are hard to pick up alone, and COVID is still here. You may be able to find live-streams or something to help with that.

I actually have done martial arts for years! Black belt in Taekwondo, green in Ishinru Karate. A touch of aikido. I love it. But, like you said, covid :( I think I shall look into various ways for unstructured study of martial arts. What I _really_ want to learn is a Kung Fu (particularly Shaolin) and there's a place around here that teaches Chinese martial arts but it's crazy expensive.

> I actually have done martial arts for years! Black belt in Taekwondo, green in Ishinru Karate. A touch of aikido. I love it.

You have much more experience than myself, sounds like quite the journey.

> I think I shall look into various ways for unstructured study of martial arts.

If you find one, would you mind letting me know? My email's in my bio. I'll look as well and leave a comment if I find one (or if you email me I'll send one that way).

I've missed it.

> What I _really_ want to learn is a Kung Fu (particularly Shaolin)

Ooh, cool. I don't think I've met anyone who does Kung Fu yet. Capoeira and Judo are both on my bucket list, but I'll take anything over nothing.

> there's a place around here that teaches Chinese martial arts but it's crazy expensive.

I feel the pain of that. I was lucky, and the dojo where I started was willing to work with people. Haven't been since covid started, and am about to be leaving town, so may not be able to go back :(

EDIT: This thread seems like a promising place to start[0]

[0] https://www.reddit.com/r/karate/comments/ju2fp4/what_karate_...

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#505

Post by watermelon59 »

supersour wrote: post #475
watermelon59 wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, it hasn't been easy. But I still count myself lucky, since a lot of people everywhere have had it much worse. Regarding work, I was a dumbass actually. I didn't share with any superior what was going on, spent months both hating myself and also fearing being "found out". But recently I felt so overwhelmed that I had to bring it up. I was afraid to do it, only to find out I should've done it much earlier. My man…

Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been dealing with the exact same situation for the past few months and I am really happy to hear that your manager was supportive. I am confident that it will get better! And you should be too. Also, I am not sure if you are doing therapy, but I would really recommend David Burn's CBT guide [1] (the meat of the book is in the first part). [1]: https://www.pdfdrive.com/feeling-…

Thank you for the kind words and support :)

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#506

Post by ktm5j »

danbolt wrote: post #502
throwaway512092 wrote: post #447

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I implore you to reconsider. I was "supportive" of my friend who came out as trans. I regret this. Like the vast majority of men, he never had a realistic chance of passing, especially since he did not start taking hormones until his mid-twenties. It was a sad delusion, and I was one of many who enabled it. For me, it was the path of least resistance: I didn't want to lose my friend. I wish I had just told him my tru…

When you talk about having a "decent shot at a normal life", I think you're assuming what's desirable for you is what's desirable for other people. It's hard to imagine someone finding fulfillment in being the lifestyle you had in mind for them if they're finding anguish in it already.

Right, having this sort of preconceived notion of what beauty and success should look like is entirely the problem in the first place.

I listened to people like this throwaway account and tried to hide from my feelings because I wanted to be "successful" and live the easier life where I would have more opportunity etc.. So I worked hard, got ahead in my career, married a beautiful woman, bought a big house, nice car, blah blah. I was a very "successful" man, but I was totally miserable.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#507

Post by edjrage »

SatvikBeri wrote: post #148
edjrage wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> winter is coming I was going to say "not everyone lives in the northern hemisphere, you know", but to be fair I suppose 99% of HN lives there and the rest of us are already used to this.

It turns out 90% of people live in the northern hemisphere, which surprised me! I would have guessed 60-70%.

Same! I actually looked it up right after commenting and realized my statement would still be true even if the bias in HN's demographic were much lower.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#508

Post by edjrage »

radihuq wrote: post #126
edjrage wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> winter is coming I was going to say "not everyone lives in the northern hemisphere, you know", but to be fair I suppose 99% of HN lives there and the rest of us are already used to this.

Haha my intention was less "northern hemisphere master race" and more "hey I know you already know this but remember that the change in season can affect your mood"

Yeah, no worries. I realize you had a good intention, and I know it's hard to remember every single detail about how other people's lives might be different from ours.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#509

Post by ssvt »

Good on you for posting here and please follow all the advice about seeking professional help. It may take time but it will help. You will get through to the other side.

In my case, due to a buyout, I lost me job over two years ago and felt myself in a similar place as you.

What made it hard for me is I was 63(!) years old at the time . (I know what it is like to feel "over the hill" in technology employment.

After picking up my pieces, I started freelancing and haven't looked back. I've had more fun, on my terms, than my previous three decades in stressful tech jobs. That's the easy part.

The hard part was accepting my humanity and asking for help. Ask everybody and don't be ashamed to do it. You'll find out who your friends really are and you'll get the support you need.

Good luck. You'll make it.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#510

Post by rosamunda »

What I would suggest is reading a book that have helped me a lot and may help you as well. "Man's Search For Meaning" from Viktor Frankl.

The author is an austrian therapist that founded the "logotherapy" (healing through meaning) after surviving WW2 concentration camps.

Is a very small book, and very easy reading, and at the time that I've read it, it helped me find the inner tools within myself to go on and achieve happiness.

The best thing about being at the very end of a big, long, dark whole in the ground, is that you can only go up.

I know that it's not easy to be you right now. But sometimes the worst things that happens to us, turn out to be blessings in disguise.

The bad news is that the healing needs to come from within you, nobody can help you from outside. Not therapists, not family or friends. They can only support you and help you reach your inner voice again to move forward.

Reading a book in itself is not going to help you either, but the thought process that come from it may help you start a different, happier path.

Think of this time as a turning point: There's the old you, and the new one, that needs to start over and reboot himself into something different and better.

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