If you ever want to be successful, you need to just let go. I used to be like this but I quickly recognized it achieved nothing. The hours you spend being negative could be spent working on your product. If it doesn't end up working out, so be it.
Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
51–60 of 65 posts
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#52I have one quick tip. If you regularly read the typical startup press, like TechCrunch, GigaOM, The Verge, etc (or heck, even Hacker News): STOP.
Stop reading about other startups. Instead, turn your news consumption to general news topics, or better yet - news about your industry & your customers. (If your customers are other startups, then, well, sorry...)
It sounds like a few of the ways you are measuring yourself are by raising money, being in the press, and whatever you define as "real success".
I would argue that the first two are inconsequential, and ironically, you know that too, because you haven't announced your fundraising.
If you cut out the inconsequential news from your news diet, you may find yourself feeling a bit better. It may not resolve your feelings entirely, but it may help. I know because I've been there, and this worked for me.
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#53A quote from This is Water , the commencement address given by David Foster Wallace: “Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI
Hearing David talk about "... the mind being an excellent servant, but a terrible master... " and then talk about adults who commit suicide "... it is not a least bit coincidental, that adults who commit suicide with firearms, shoot themselves in the head. They shoot the terrible master ..." sadly sounded like his own eulogy. The script of that talk is so lean. It wastes no words and tries to paint a specific picture for all in the crowd. I wish I heard it some time ago when I graduated in 2006.
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#54Someone else's success is not your failure, internalizing that message is the key.
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#55It helped me when I realized that I am jealous of almost everyone, but I always compare my weakness to their strengths. Now when I'm jealous, I just say to myself "I'm focusing on their best attributes, I'm sure I'm better than them in other things", and the jealousy quickly fades away.
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#56Are you avoiding self promotion at the expense of your company? Because not announcing a fundraise from a "prestigious VC" sounds like a mistake - you're basically throwing away free publicity and customers.
Anyway, I'd revisit your motivations for what you're doing. It sounds like you're chasing "achievement" defined by others rather than what you want.
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#57If your products help people, then it's not self promotion at all, but an offer you are making to those people who need that help. Some may find them not useful, and a few may dismiss your efforts as self promotion, but why are you ignoring the many who will find them useful if only they had heard about them?
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#58Stop looking at others so much and concentrate on your product and you'll have a much easier time of it. All success is relative, it's not so much a yardstick as an 'these were your opportunities and this is what you made of them' thing.
Once you realize that you'll have an easier time of it. And keep in mind that what you see in the press is quite rarely the unvarnished truth. It tends to be a lot more glossy than reality.
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#591. Realize it's impossibly unlikely for two people to build the same thing, even if they were sitting next to each other sharing their plans. The only competition is with yourself.
2. As a consequence: stop sprinting. Stop trying to release something inferior by a certain date out of fear of competition. There is no time pressure.
3. As a plan: work on what only you could do best.
Expect nothing. Expectation is a prison.
Re: Ask HN: How can I stop being jealous of people who succeed before me?
#60I'm not sure I have any good advice for you, but I'd at least like to say that I can relate. I think we all have to deal with feelings of jealousy or inadequacy from time to time. I would imagine it tends to be worse among people in the tech world since the industry is so competitive and the bar is so high.
I think there's also somewhat of a culture in tech of treating "smart" people like they're somehow innately different than "non-smart" people or that it's hard for a "non-smart" person to become a "smart" person. You could also substitute the word "smart" for "successful" in the previous sentence. Some people might disagree with this assessment, but I'm fairly confident that it's a wide-spread phenomenon.
I think a culture like that would tend to exaggerate feelings of jealousy and such. If one person is made to feel like they can't possibly achieve the same things as another, or if they suspect they're being denied opportunities on account of another person's opinion of them, that would breed resentment and jealousy. I'm not sure if that dynamic is at play in your life, but it's worth stating all the same.
Anyhow, I wish you luck in dealing with those feelings. I know how crippling they can be.