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Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

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Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#51

Post by porker »

cpfohl wrote: post #35
nkohari wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your advice of living frugally and investing is good, but since you need, let's say $5M, to retire in your 30-40s with the expectation of living the same lifestyle, "a few years" is much longer than you might think.

If you're living frugally, your annual expenses will go down. Supposing you continue living frugally after retiring (which is easier, since you have more time to "DIY" expensive things you formerly hired someone for or paid extra not to have to do), you don't need 5 million. Wow no. Let's assume the common 4% withdrawal rate. $5 million will provide you with $200,000 a year for all eternity. This assumes you never do…

But.. interest rates are currently running below inflation (here in the UK). With that happening, you're going to need to top up the fund to something higher, to ensure withdrawings can increase in line with inflation for the rest of your life.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#52

Post by thaumaturgy »

sleeplessinSLC wrote: post #20
brnstz wrote: post #9

> Some say it is depression, but would I want a medication to fix what is obviously a lifestyle problem? Medication is not the only solution to depression. The internet is a bad therapist. Consider a real one.

I honestly hadn't thought of it like that. Thinking this through with a number of other comments here and maybe I need to talk to a therapist about being less of a push over.

Yes, exactly. FWIW what you've described so far doesn't ring like depression to me; rather, you're unhappy because you keep finding yourself in a situation you don't want to be in. But this is something you should discuss with a professional if you have access to one you like.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#53

Post by justbaker »

brnstz wrote: post #9

> Some say it is depression, but would I want a medication to fix what is obviously a lifestyle problem? Medication is not the only solution to depression. The internet is a bad therapist. Consider a real one.

Most "medication"(ie: antidepressants) is not a solution to depression either. But yes. talking helps.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#54

Post by polskibus »

capisce wrote: post #37
polskibus wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you considered whether an ownership stake in the company would change your point of view? If you really are valued for your insights on the business side, but you are supposed to give 100% to development as well, why not bump up the stakes? See whether they are just giving their monkeys to you (as in http://www.amazon.com/The-Minute-Manager-Meets-Monkey/dp/068... ) ? You could always ask for a raise (if shares a…

Money might not make up for a depressing job, if he feels he's already making enough to support his desired life style.

I think he may feel a bit exploited, because he's not getting return on his extra investment. If he's apt in business then I believe that he can like doing it - just that the environment must appreciate it in the right way. We're wired for getting the right feedback, all very well described in the Flow book.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#55

Post by silverbax88 »

ironchef wrote: post #33
silverbax88 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my experience, doing this will ultimately end up in being let go as 'not a team player'. I was in the same position as the OP many times and got tired of always getting moved out of software into more business management. When I started saying no, I was always cut loose before long. Went to companies after this occurred and didn't say no, and got right back into the same situation.

Anecdotally. Mine is the opposite. I've noticed the more someone tends to delegate and / or say no, the more they end up becoming respected in the organizations I've worked in. It's not that they say "That's not my job". It's more that they say "I can not take that on with my current responsibilities and perform it at a level that it deserves."

You are talking about something else. Saying no or delegating is not an issue - that's just managing expectations.

What we are talking about is that it's not easy for companies to find people who are actually good at tech (not just faking it) and can also speak to a corporate room of C-level executives with ease. If you can do that, expect to get moved out of the engineering role within a year, unless you say no, in which case you'll be gone.

The problem is, it's never worth it. The equity will always be less than the higher ups, even when it's given, and even when it actually is worth something. Side note - I was once given 150,000 shares of a company, without asking for it, and I knew it wouldn't be worth a thing. I was also given 6,000 shares of a solid company, also without asking. No equity I've ever been given was worth what the company took to get it - which is, they need what you have - just pure brain power, stress and the ability to compete at an global technical level, and to translate that into shareholder value.

If I pour that much of myself into a company, it's going to be for a lot more than 50K of stock, or 100K. I've built systems that the company turned around and within a year it had netted $1.5 billion contract (yes, billion), which is what I was paid to do...but under no circumstances was I fooled into thinking I was paid what I was actually worth.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#56

Post by ironchef »

silverbax88 wrote: post #55
ironchef wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Anecdotally. Mine is the opposite. I've noticed the more someone tends to delegate and / or say no, the more they end up becoming respected in the organizations I've worked in. It's not that they say "That's not my job". It's more that they say "I can not take that on with my current responsibilities and perform it at a level that it deserves."

You are talking about something else. Saying no or delegating is not an issue - that's just managing expectations. What we are talking about is that it's not easy for companies to find people who are actually good at tech (not just faking it) and can also speak to a corporate room of C-level executives with ease. If you can do that, expect to get moved out of the engineering role within a year, unless you say no, in…

Well...we're actually talking about two different things (or that's what I'm inferring. One side of it is what you're expounding upon (the mgmt / engineering dichotomy)...which I agree with largely (although I think there's also room in some companies to be largely tech and advance up the ranks while saying no to those other responsibilities).

What I was getting at was the second aspect of it which was the "out of bounds time" alluded to when OP said "The problem is I don’t enjoy meeting with executives at 8pm over drinks to try to discuss the next big deal. I don’t like to make presentations late into the night to put in front of Venture Capital, Series A/B investors, or Executives." I was focusing on the "8pm" and "late into the night" parts of the phrase which is more lifestyle / time overreach than the other aspect.

OTOH, I've been lucky enough to get stock which came out to be worth quite a bit (granted it took quite a bit of effort to make that so). I've also had the stock which was worth very little in comparison to the effort. It's often a difficult thing to weigh as one is weighing effort, the market, and a lot of external things.

As a "doer", we are frequently not paid what I think we should be. To get paid that I think requires often taking on a lot more responsibilities that some of us don't often want to handle (sales, marketing, hr, legal, etc. ... ie running a company).

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#57

Post by mapster »

It sounds as though you are quite skilled across two important areas. Would more money in your pocket make these extra duties more interesting? If not, speak up - they wouldn't want to lose you.

OR

Propose a compromise: you will consult on biz dev, but during day work hours.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#58

Post by nickthemagicman »

nkohari wrote: post #11
nickthemagicman wrote: post #6

You must be making baller money. Just live frugally, bank it away and invest it. And in a few years you will NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN.(or just work on your own projects)

Your advice of living frugally and investing is good, but since you need, let's say $5M, to retire in your 30-40s with the expectation of living the same lifestyle, "a few years" is much longer than you might think.

5M? Are you crazy? Thats insane. At 6% interest that's 300,000 a year alone in interest.

I was talking about a simple lifestyle to get lattes and travel and work on your own projects, you're talking about bugattis and the rivieria.

In my opinion you have a seriously distorted view of whats important.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#59

Post by nickthemagicman »

nkohari wrote: post #11
nickthemagicman wrote: post #6

You must be making baller money. Just live frugally, bank it away and invest it. And in a few years you will NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN.(or just work on your own projects)

Your advice of living frugally and investing is good, but since you need, let's say $5M, to retire in your 30-40s with the expectation of living the same lifestyle, "a few years" is much longer than you might think.

5M? Are you crazy? Thats insane. At 6% interest that's 300,000 a year alone in interest.

I was talking about a simple lifestyle to get lattes and travel and work on your own projects, you're talking about bugattis and the rivieria.

In my opinion you have a seriously distorted view of whats important.

Re: Ask HN: What to do when you are successful, hate it, and can't seem to change?

#60

Post by JSeymourATL »

> within short order I am snagged for business advising as well. This hasn’t been all bad.

Face it-- you're a unicorn. There's NO way you can just do Software Engineering. You're simply not wired that way. As for the stuff you hate to do, the challenge is mitigate and manage. Be upfront on your boundaries, set expectations. Moving forward-- meetings are on your terms and schedule. Applicable to your situation, here's a good read on setting the frame and prizing> http://pitchanything.com/book/

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