51–60 of 162 posts
I am absolutely blown away by the number of people who are saying that this person, who is clearly depressed and likely burnt out, can solve all of his problems by having children. It is the most insane advice I have ever seen on this site. Jumping to a lifetime commitment as a kneejerk reaction is just so wild to me. Maybe start with a hobby? This guy is working a full time job and a side hustle, but doesn't seem to…
> I hate the mental constraints of 9-5, hence I'm trying to build a business.
I think owning a successful business means you work with people more, not less.
> After my day job I feel so exhausted that I can barely find desire to work on the business.
There's value in powering through and getting stuff done. But there is also a time to step back and do less. You're the best person to judge what's right.
I agree with everyone else. You need a purpose. If not the business, then something else. Here's an incomplete list of things people find purpose in:
1. Religion
2. Children and family
3. Volunteering and helping others
4. Hobbies
5. Friends and community
6. Involvement in local politics
7. Climbing the corporate ladder
9. All-out hedonism - games, partying
> I get scared when I realize that this is my life for the next 30-40 years.
Normal and natural. But 40 years is a long time and a lot can change. What would you like to be different?
Sounds easy, I am well aware that it's often terrifying, but it's the only solution.
after you fix the relationship and expectation of your self consider whether you still want a business. or if you still want the same partner. be more selfish. if more selfish isn't for you maybe you'll realize how much you miss her. or how much you want kids. only then consider going forward with the burden of marriage, kids and what society expects of you ...
pain is the key but it doesn't automatically mean that pain needs to come from your partner or your kids. pretty sure you'll be perfectly capable creating pain by yourself.
you can do it.
Also I agree with the other commentor that you are in burnout mode. If you have a good startup idea, it may be better to raise money instead of trying to squeeze it in on the weekends at the expense of your nervous system.
First, there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. It's a signal, and it's great that you're giving it consideration. It sounds like you're in need of a Purpose. Like many folks in modern times. Casually and broadly speaking, I'd say you have a couple of paths forward. Neither is a short-term holistic solution. These paths aren't mutually exclusive either. 1. Focus on creating and solidifying a family Many many p…
The best single thing you can do is to find a therapist. They're trained, experienced professionals whose entire job is to help people with these types of situations - not just folks with mental health issues. They are like personal trainers but for your mind, not your body.
Look up some therapists in your area and try them out until you find one you get along with. Don't worry about the cost: if you're a middle class tech worker you can definitely afford it, and even in the US it's easy to find therapists covered by health insurance. It's an incredibly worthwhile experience.
Good luck with figuring all of this out!
Get married and have children. For time immemorial that is what your ancestors have done. It will not make you happy as you currently conceptualize it, but it will add purpose (and much suffering, as always comes with purpose) to your life. It is what you are designed to do.
What if women aren't interested in you?
In pervious times there were more options because there was very little divorce and people, for the most part, paired for life, which meant one-to-one pairing was easier, and, for people who didn't pair up, there were options such as monasteries, convents, etc
I am not an expert, just an old man, so take this advice for what it's worth: perhaps try getting involved with a church in a volunteer capacity and really focus on volunteering/helping other people. This may lead to finding someone you are compatible with and, if it does not, will give you a family-like (with all the good & bad associated with that) environment in which to connect with other people.
The comfort of the current job makes it difficult to put the work into building a business eh.
> I don't like working with people anymore. I hate the mental constraints of 9-5, hence I'm trying to build a business.
That's not going to work out for you. Businesses require you to interact with people.
>Most days feel like groundhog day. I'm not depressed. I train regularly (4-5 times a week), I don't abuse alcohol and never touched drugs.
Good ole midlife crisis. Not exactly depression but it might as well be.
>I did big change in my life recently: quit my soul crashing job, went to travel for extended period, moved to a different country, found a different job. It was fun while it lasted, but now I'm back to the same place I tried to escape back then, albeit in a different physical location and work place.
You're seeking purpose. this might help: https://80000hours.org/career-guide/
>I have a comfortable life, nor luxury, neither poverty. Other than sport and building my business, I don't have any other hobbies or goals I pursuit. I'm in a relationship. I feel like I tick all "middle class" boxes, and yet I'm unhappy. I get scared when I realize that this is my life for the next 30-40 years.
Yep. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vifg2LgF_ic
What you're discovering is that you're not going to be in the 5%ers, the financially independent category.
This statistic got worse since this video published. It's now more of a 1%er group and everyone blames the system, but that's completely wrong.
>I want to change something but I don't know what. Anyone been in similar situation and was able to escape?
You're thinking, wow i'm never going to be more of a success than i am right now. You have conformed to the 'middle class'. You chose this.
There is no competition in our society. you can be whatever you want to be, so long as your helping others and trying your hardest. The greater the # of people you can help, the better.