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Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#51

Post by mettamage »

> I'm certain there are many on here who had high potential and feel they've squandered it.

I had the same feeling, I still do to some extent. But genuinely, I also have noticed that society isn't equipped to deal with my high potential. My issue is: I want to stay authentic, I find it (morally/ethically) hard to put on a mask or role. Therefore, I bring my whole self to a job interview.

The problem with that is that: suppose you'd order a coffee at your local coffee chain and you see the barista, and they would bring their whole self while making you that coffee. How would you feel about that? You'd think "I only wanted a coffee, but now I also have to deal with all this extra stuff." That extra stuff may be good or bad, but it's still overhead. Well, that's the problem I'm running into when applying for jobs. No one in my family could've told me that this would happen. It wasn't part of my upbringing. No one at uni told me this. I had to painfully piece this together myself.

A large part of society doesn't fully get integrated into work culture. Some people fix this by being okay with lying or bending the truth. I wasn't. However, the workplace is not the welcoming environment that university is. At university all one has to do is to show that they're ambitious and work their asses off. That's not the case in the workplace. The mechanics are much more tribal, and also culturally different.

I wasn't prepared for it and I wasn't willing to sacrifice my integrity over it. So yea, my high potential simply could not have been utilized.

Also, it shows that markets are inefficient. The market incentives for me to find a job aren't strong enough and the market incentives for companies to find me and use my talents aren't strong enough either. I'm convinced there are companies out there that I'd be able to transform due to a personality/culture/skill fit. However, both me and those companies are having an incredibly hard time finding each other. To be fair, it's not an easy task. And market dynamics sure aren't fully solving it with the "invisible hand" that it offers.

It is what it is. I choose to stay as optimistic as possible.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#52

Post by allen_berg »

neom wrote: post #2

Forcing myself out of the house, even if I'm still just scrolling HN and youtube, not doing it at home encouraged me to get back into networking, getting into networking helped me connect with people, connecting with people made me feel more hopeful. As cliche as it is, getting moving really helps, go for a super long walk, really really breath deeply right into your belly and just walk with purpose (the purpose of j…

> However for me, the most helpful by a mile was psilocybin. That whole "this too shall pass" thing is a real thing.

Also for me two big things. I have over a decade and a half of experience with LSD and psilocybin and it has in my view the role of what ecstatic religious experiences had in the past. I can't really bring myself to believe in any doctrine deeply enough to experience that anymore but psychedelics are very similar in terms of insight, epiphanies and catharsis.

> I also just do some weird silly dancing around my kitchen to music

I've come to see this in my life as a sign I'm happy more than a cause. When I'm depressed I don't much listen to music or dance, and the opposite is also true.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#53

Post by kordlessagain »

cookiengineer wrote: post #8

For me I had a little phase of not understanding the despair and hatred I received for forking Audacity at the time. I didn't understand why people would do that, and neither why they decide to have "fun" being a bully online and lying about things that never happened. When /pol/ and kiwifarms came at me, I wasn't sure how to deal with that, especially because most rumors supposedly happened when I was asleep, not ev…

I watched this yesterday and it mirrors your advice about disconnecting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLRmLC2LFT8

A big part of "finding yourself" is likely related to introspection, which is interrupted by constantly being bombarded with attention grabbing mechanisms.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#54

Post by hhjinks »

mettamage wrote: post #50
Aeolun wrote: post #24

It’s probably a bad idea, but having a child seems to have made things significantly better in some ways. I’m still prone to anxiety, but existential fears have been greatly reduced. I attribute this mostly to lack of time to think too much, so you can probably find different ways to achieve the same effect. I think somewhere along the way I’ve also become adult enough to realize that there will be days I accomplish…

This answer is IMO a strong distractive strategy. I don't have children, but as a former gamer, I do know a thing or two about distraction! What I found: after the distraction has run its course, it will come back to you. Distraction suppresses. It doesn't actually allow you to work through it. That's my experience at least.

Some things cannot be worked through. Sometimes a distraction lasts long enough for things to sort themselves out. That's my experience, at least.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#56

Post by keithwarren »

rrgok wrote: post #25
keithwarren wrote: post #5

I have felt a a sort of fog/rut for years now. Figured it was just age. Doc checked my testosterone level and it was super low. About 10% of what you would want. Started taking T via a gel/lotion and after about two weeks I noticed a significant change in my productivity. The rut/fog was gone, I was working like I did 15 years ago. Prescription ran out, was out of town, basically missed 10 days. Fog was back, a week…

I know it is a minor things, any change in your hair loss? I'm asking because because there are studies that links T to DHT to hair loss.

None for me at this point, but pretty early in the process

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#57

Post by keithwarren »

loveparade wrote: post #12
keithwarren wrote: post #5

I have felt a a sort of fog/rut for years now. Figured it was just age. Doc checked my testosterone level and it was super low. About 10% of what you would want. Started taking T via a gel/lotion and after about two weeks I noticed a significant change in my productivity. The rut/fog was gone, I was working like I did 15 years ago. Prescription ran out, was out of town, basically missed 10 days. Fog was back, a week…

Out of curiosity, how old were you when you got it checked?

44...have had some health challenges in past 4 years including a heart attack. Weight loss flat lined and other things not responding properly to meds so I started searching for answers as to why, found some correlation data with T values and asked for a test.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#58

Post by v-erne »

mettamage wrote: post #51

> I'm certain there are many on here who had high potential and feel they've squandered it. I had the same feeling, I still do to some extent. But genuinely, I also have noticed that society isn't equipped to deal with my high potential. My issue is: I want to stay authentic, I find it (morally/ethically) hard to put on a mask or role. Therefore, I bring my whole self to a job interview. The problem with that is that…

>> And market dynamics sure aren't fully solving it with the "invisible hand" that it offers.

If I take my ideological glasses off for a second its kinda obvious why - invisible hand is just and "observation" dressed in lots of wishful thinking from economists. In reality it is just useful model that almost always fails if you look close enough

>> The market incentives for me to find a job aren't strong enough and the market incentives for companies to find me and use my talents aren't strong enough either.

But on the other hand - you seems somehow not to notice that todays world is all about team work and the only way most people can test you on this is by using their intuition -so if you feel off to them they will write you off as not a cultural fit and by all means they may be right - the harsh truth is that there is not many people that want to work with people that are true to themselfs (which usually means they have all barriers and filters discarded and are at best annoying and at worst offensive)

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#59

Post by Glench »

ao98 wrote: post #38

The best advice I been given: “when your problems seem overwhelming, get busy solving other people’s problems. Not only will you feel good about helping others and get that feeling of productivity, seeing what others are dealing with will also give you perspective on your own problems and a renewed sense of hope and energy”. Volunteer somewhere. Help a friend out. But try to do it in person where you can get more of…

Came here to recommend doing good deeds for others. I find when I'm doing things for the benefit others I feel a lot better (as long as I'm resourced enough to do it). A therapist used to tell me that gratitude and doing good things for others were the most effective evidence-based behavioral interventions for depression.

That said, depression, fear, and lack of confidence are multi-faceted things with many different mitigating and exacerbating causes. Even diet and digestive ability can play a role! I find light exercise to mitigate the effects, too. But a sense of warm-heartedness toward yourself and others will be helpful no matter what.

Re: Ask HN: How did you get yourself out of a rut?

#60

Post by GaryNumanVevo »

rrgok wrote: post #25
keithwarren wrote: post #5

I have felt a a sort of fog/rut for years now. Figured it was just age. Doc checked my testosterone level and it was super low. About 10% of what you would want. Started taking T via a gel/lotion and after about two weeks I noticed a significant change in my productivity. The rut/fog was gone, I was working like I did 15 years ago. Prescription ran out, was out of town, basically missed 10 days. Fog was back, a week…

I know it is a minor things, any change in your hair loss? I'm asking because because there are studies that links T to DHT to hair loss.

Yes. I don't have a family history of MPB, I've been taking T after a doctor recommended it and my hairline started noticeably receding within 6 months.
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