51–60 of 101 posts
A lot of people around you will be very generous with their opinions and advice while often neglecting the part where you're supposed to gather context before offering any words. Think of it as writing code before knowing the details of the problem that you wouldn't be able to reproduce anyway. You can do it and I've seen many people try but it's quite an ineffective way to build software solutions.
You need to be present, responsive and kind. You need to put others first and put up with a bit of shit, but also draw a reasonable line. Once you realise that you are there to serve, and remove your ego, the hard work becomes fun.
Read to your kid, talk to them and treat them as a fellow human.
Don't believe too much of what you hear. Things like 'your baby must sleep here in a crib' or 'babys need this food' or 'you need to teach your baby discipline'.
Breast is best.
You do not need any products, services or books. (well, I would recommend a baby sling and body carrier, not a pram) You need to be present, responsive and kind. You need to put others first and put up with a bit of shit, but also draw a reasonable line. Once you realise that you are there to serve, and remove your ego, the hard work becomes fun. Read to your kid, talk to them and treat them as a fellow human. Don't…
You’re overstating it. You need a car seat in almost all of the US. A safe place to put the baby is also important — this can be a bassinet, a foldable crib, a very expensive gadget, a nice cardboard box with a mat inside (go Finland!), or even just a folded up towel in a pinch. (What qualifies as “safe” varies as the baby gets older and more capable.)
Some form of diaper is extremely useful, but you don’t need those at birth — hospitals give away piles of diapers. Once the baby is born, you can figure out what size you need. (Hint: skip the scented diapers, that is the normal Pampers style. Most other diapers are unscented.)
> Breast is best.
Maybe true. But bottle-feeding-shaming is the worst, and I expect that being a well-fed baby with happy parents is far, far more important than being a breast-fed baby.
Whatever it is, you probably have to wing it. Be mindful and observe everything.
Everything is a system. Kids act on each other and on you. It's sometimes a balancing loop, sometimes a reinforcing loop, aka they'll fight or they'll keep each other in check. Systems engineering helps a ton in discipline. People say parenting is the hardest job but IMO it doesn't have to be. The nature of systems is that they're stable without any outside action. If you're kids aren't brushing their teeth or wearing their seatbelts, check your system.
But one major piece of advice: (My) Kids can't sleep when they're too tired, and they end up tired all the time because they don't sleep. Again, this doesn't apply to all parents - one of my friends has kids who would run and climb everything until they're red in the face, and they'd behave if given that outlet. But try to get them to sleep early, especially as babies.
Losing ~ALL your free time can hurt alot mentally, esp if you had very specific life goals like starting a business and escaping the 9-5 (vs generic ones like travelling the world etc), you likely have to give those up, and that can be very difficult mentally and emotionally I went through a "grieving" process of my new fate in life. It helped more when the baby started smiling. It helped more when she started sleepi…
A lot of what makes a kid turn into a "good" adult are well outside of your control. The best advice is about how to make parenting easier and more enjoyable for you in the long run. The more fun you have parenting, the more parenting you will end up doing. Any good habit you start early will pay off dividends later. Anything you let slide will agonize you for years and years. Most advice you find online is useless.…
>Most advice you find online is useless. "Mommy-bloggers" have SEO spammed the internet with waste. It's either some form of extreme child micromanagement, or rituals designed for people with saint-like patience or time on their hands. Get your advice from real people - pediatricians, parents, friends, etc. I wonder if someone else can chime in here, but I've found that ChatGPT's answers should be on-par with these m…
You do not need any products, services or books. (well, I would recommend a baby sling and body carrier, not a pram) You need to be present, responsive and kind. You need to put others first and put up with a bit of shit, but also draw a reasonable line. Once you realise that you are there to serve, and remove your ego, the hard work becomes fun. Read to your kid, talk to them and treat them as a fellow human. Don't…
Many will tell you to enjoy each moment because they grow up so fast. It's true, and it's alright. The only thing you owe to your future self is the knowledge that you have been fully present while your kid grows up. That, and as many pics and videos your NAS and backup can hold.
Don’t be the dad that loses the first year of baby photos due to poor backup practices :|
Losing ~ALL your free time can hurt alot mentally, esp if you had very specific life goals like starting a business and escaping the 9-5 (vs generic ones like travelling the world etc), you likely have to give those up, and that can be very difficult mentally and emotionally I went through a "grieving" process of my new fate in life. It helped more when the baby started smiling. It helped more when she started sleepi…
This is a good point. Not everyone immediately bonds with a newborn, either father or mother. If you're not feeling something you think you're supposed to be feeling, that's not unusual. And they definitely get fun later on - but you'd be surprised at both how long it takes, and at the fun things you can find pretty early on.
I also didn’t get any kind of surge of extra energy driven by this great new responsibility- you’ll have to make do with what you have folks.
I do love the baby a lot but I barely think about her when I’m not with her, unlike her mom which thinks about her all the time