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Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

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Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#51
post #16

I'm a new parent this year and I was not mentally prepared for it (lol is anyone?) For a few months, I regretted my decision to have kids almost constantly. It gnawed on me. Then I stumbled upon the regretfulparents subreddit. Seeing the posts was pitiful. I saw how destructive it is to our psyches to carry around regret and let it wear us down. I cringed seeing the posts, mostly because I felt the same way they did,…

The first 6 months are incredibly difficult, as there's nothing to do but cry and feed. It will never be perfect, but it gets better.

> It gets better

One perspective that helped me was "little people, little problems". In few years they might be drinking your booze and stealing your car.

Mine are five and eight now. There's still rarely 15 minutes. Somebody's hungry, somebody's hitting somebody, somebody's having another meltdown.

On occasion though, they get interested in whatever I'm doing though, so that's nice.

Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#52

That I in fact, DO have ADHD, and that's at least part of the reason I failed so miserably in high school, couldn't finish college, and struggle to finish tasks at work despite feeling highly motivated. Not only that, treatment is working for me.

How did you get a diagnosis? Everywhere in my area has a 6 month+ waiting period.

Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#53
Building circuits. I'm still at the stage of merely soldering things together over I2C/SPI/UART, but it's tons of fun. My current project is designing a keyboard from scratch - I plan to have a central 'hub' with an LCD connected to N auxiliary devices: two to start (a split keyboard). I plan to add a macropad and a rotary encoder later on.

Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#54
Not as the most exciting thing but some lifehack to reduce daily chore:

I bought electric shaver. I tried decade ago one but didn't enjoy. I always hated chore of shaving - you have to soften your skin, put some foam, make sure your razor is sharp (many time it isn't and you run out of new one), do many runs with razor on your skin, hit razor on the sink so it's not clogged, after shaving clean yourself and razor again and dry yourself and hopefully you don't have any cuts.

With electric razor:

- these days they are small and can be charged with usb-c

- don't require and water or foam (just dry shaving)

- all your face hairs are inside the shaver head and not floating everywhere around your sink

- shaver is magnetic and easy to remove and then just dump down your hairs to sink

- don't have any cuts and don't have to change shaving head (probably one a year or less)

- I bought cheap one (Enchen) with 3 heads for like 20$

If you procrastinate to shave yourself every (second) day give it a try.

Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#55

That I in fact, DO have ADHD, and that's at least part of the reason I failed so miserably in high school, couldn't finish college, and struggle to finish tasks at work despite feeling highly motivated. Not only that, treatment is working for me.

How did you get a diagnosis? Everywhere in my area has a 6 month+ waiting period.

That was basically my experience too, it was about 4 months from a GP referral to a psychiatrist evaluation then back to the GP to try out different medications.

So far we’ve only tried Atomoxetine and Wellbutrin, want to avoid stimulants if possible.

Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#56

That I in fact, DO have ADHD, and that's at least part of the reason I failed so miserably in high school, couldn't finish college, and struggle to finish tasks at work despite feeling highly motivated. Not only that, treatment is working for me.

I don't have much to add other than that I'm proud of you for realising this and finding a solution that works for you. Kudos

Thanks! It feels like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#57
post #16

I'm a new parent this year and I was not mentally prepared for it (lol is anyone?) For a few months, I regretted my decision to have kids almost constantly. It gnawed on me. Then I stumbled upon the regretfulparents subreddit. Seeing the posts was pitiful. I saw how destructive it is to our psyches to carry around regret and let it wear us down. I cringed seeing the posts, mostly because I felt the same way they did,…

Parent of 3 (soon to be 4) year old here ...

Thanks for sharing. First off, I think it's normal to experience the feelings of regret when first having a child. Those first few months (maybe even years) can actually feel worse: less (sometimes no) sleep, less freedom (for other activities), less intimacy.

The list goes on and on.

But, as you recognized, focusing on the negatives can be self reinforcing.

At the same time, being a parent (for me) fills me up in ways I've never experienced before. A joy ... love ... that got lost in childhood.

And raising a child is not (again, for me) something I can/want to pull off on my own, with only my wife and I. It really does take a whole village and I'm no longer sold on the nuclear (American) family — just mom and dad – raising children.

Anyways, sending you lots of vibes from one parent to another.

Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#58

* How to feel my emotions and not suppress them or push them away. And why that matters in everyday life. * The power of letting go of perceived control or outcomes and just focusing on what I can do now in the moment. * How to be open and vulnerable and why it matters for building relationships.

> * How to feel my emotions and not suppress them or push them away. And why that matters in everyday life.

Yes!! This is huge. Feeling emotions is so critical and a fundamental skill learned in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). And if I can add to that, NAMING the emotion itself levels one up too. As you mentioned, somatically feeling (e.g. "my heart is racing faster than it normally does", "I am starting to sweat", "my throat is constricting") goes a long way and if you can accurately identify the emotion (e.g. fear, anxiety, anger) then you are on the path to mastering emotional regulation.

Re: Ask HN: What is the most exciting thing you have learnt this year till now?

#60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In the US, good bread must be actively sought out. It is not available everywhere.

> buy a bread at a bakery ;) Pretty sure every bakery I've been to in the US has had good bread.

In places I’ve lived in the US finding a bakery, outside a supermarket, isn’t a trivial task.
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