Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?

It may be the case that you’re ambushed by critical reactions. Prime yourself before reading comments, get your guards up a little. This puts some distance between you and the comment(er). Your skin may still be hit, but not your soul.

Secondly, if somebody says something that you dont agree with but is not really important or interesting, or even snarky, don’t respond. Just ignore it. Respond to another comment (if present) thay you do find constructive and interesting. This is very powerful because you actually respond to the snarky comments without responding. This can sometimes be the loudest and best response. Don’t waste energy where there is no gain.

It helps. Remember also that finding flaws is a lot easier than creating things, especially if new ideas are involved. Also remember that love makes blind; it’s easy to fall in love with one’s own ideas/solutions and so ignoring its shortcomings. The easiest to fool is yourself. But that’s fine if you allow yourself to adjust.

Finally, allow yourself to be convinced. If somebody has a good argument against your case, give them a little credit. Try to have a conversation and not a debate.

Is the quality of your work a life or death matter? If not, don't take it seriously. Even if you were perfect, it doesn't matter, because nearly all work depends on other work you don't control.

I think this is a very good answer and trying a similar approach and similar methods has helped me a lot in my life. Few years ago I was very easy to get angry over work and code (especially other peoples code!) and I could stay in this state for several hours. I would also often be not very nice when responding to PR comments.

Also wanted to specifically comment on

> When you feel bad, stop to think. Observe your own reaction and calmly try to realise why you’re feeling that way and what’s your goal. The introspection alone can make you see [...]

That sounds very close to mindfulness meditation - or any kind of meditation really. In my opinion that is also a great way yo get better understanding of oneself and it can help improve quality of life overall a lot.

Your work is not you. Of course your decisions shape the way your work comes out, and of course you used a considerable amount of time to create the work, so as a result you are involved with it.

But the key understand is if someone criticises your work, they don't usually target you — why would you even think they know who you are?

When they criticise your work they take time to tell you why they feel or think your work could be better. Instead of taking that at face value ("shit I am bad at making good decisions") a good strategy is to take the causal root of the critic seriously, while taking the suggestions they make with a grain of salt. The former comes from a true place most of the time, the latter can stand and fall with the subjective interests and knowledge of the critic.

So think about that causal root ("user had problems to understand X") and see it as a cause to think about the state of that project.

See how it is not about you at all? It is about the project. Of course your decisions shaped that project, but isn't it possible that there are parts within that project where your decisions could have been better? Sometimes we all take decisions automatically without giving it a second thought, so a critic can be a way to provide another perspective, one that we might not have considered before — that is a value in itself.

TBH I think in both your examples the problem is the word "stupid" and not the structure of the sentence. Also just deciding whether some statement is a personal attack on the usage of you vs it seems a bit shallow. I would wager that most people writing these comments don't even think much about the difference.

As others have written: always assume best intentions first and try to read the comments in the most favorable way.