Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

My dad started writing me letters after major life events and birthdays, on new years, etc... I save them all.

They boil down to advice like being grateful for what you have, looking back and being proud at what you’ve accomplished, valuing the people in your life especially those that take time to help you, and realizing how lucky you are and at the same time encouraging working to put yourself in positions where you make your own luck.

They seem to come at the right time, after I have a phone conversation when I tell him I’ve failed at something or am frustrated with someone.

It’s less about him and more about me but it helps me remember the kind of man he was, one of the greats.

Thanks for sharing because it reminds me of a situation I went through which was similar in some ways. I had a back-to-back of really bad managers. Ever met people who are offended and basically angry that you are smarter than they are or ever will be?

I made good money in a terrible spot for 2 years. Dropped to 145 pounds or so at 5’7” (now 165 abd healthy). Broken emotionally and in spirit. The worst part? Those closest to me kept insisting I was being off base and Jeff wasn’t really that bad. Oh and don’t quit until you have the next job lined up, which even with 2 applications a week was useless at the time.

All of them were just afraid of instability or that I wouldn’t find work. Maybe at the time they were right. I’m also glad to share the following which I probably couldn’t have done without that awful experience…

In 2022 I discovered my role is getting massive raises, promotions, and work-life balance because of the stress that comes with deadline driven sales processes. Within 5 months I saw a dream job on paper be a bush-league cult pressure cooker. Also they were underpaying market rate by $10-15,000 in salary.

I spoke up about an issue and got Terminated for non job performance reasons. After 5 months there I just updated my resume and leave their name off because Momma told me if you don’t have anything nice to say…and I’m the job hunt in Fall 2022 it doesn’t matter. People are asking “when can you start?” more seriously than “why are you looking now?” because it’s obvious - the market is hot and six-figure gigs are falling out of the sky with signing bonuses for the first time ever.

So, as unsettling and not-their-comfort-level this time has been to them, for me it has been therapeutic and inspiring. I’m a finalist in 3 different firms, 2 are promotions, all pay $15,000 - $20,000 more in base salary so I can keep up with inflation, and hybrid office presence versus butt in chair for a Boomer’s sense of control.

Yea it’s a little over a month but the future is blindingly bright after all that suffering along the way. Yes I love the people who are bothered by this different approach, but it’s my goddamn life and I listened to them last time and it was shit so they can either get with reality or shut up and manage their own lives and leave mine alone.

The price of bitcoin went up so much after mtgox went bankrupt that the bitcoin the bankrupcy trustee has found is currently worth about $2.8 billion.

At some point in the next year or two, up to 90% of that will be returned to the 25,000 creditors who filled in the paperwork to make a claim years ago.

Once I came to the conclusion that past actions only have a limited affect on the immediate present - like real genuine hooks versus memories of stuff - then life is a series of situational decisions. Trying to get them all “right” is a fool’s errand leading to heartache. On the flip side, it gives lots of chances to try and live out personal principles and perspectives on how to operate in this life, and takes away the guilt of existing with consciousness a little, and for me, makes each day a bit more fun.

It’s almost like being able to walk through walls in Doom (clipping life) - very powerful and a lot of people look on and wonder “how do you do that?” because I am a genuinely happy guy.

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way.”. Søren Kierkegaard