Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me

Do you have any hobbies or sports you are interested in? Sign up for something even if you have no experience. You will be forced to interact with people and it’s likely if you enjoy the hobby or activity and keep showing up you’ll eventually make a few acquaintances and friends. It gets harder to make friends as you get older, so I’ve found common interests are the best way to connect. Work definitely isn’t.

You made the correct first step, talk about it.

Look for some virtual therapist (I'm from buenos Aires, the city with more therapists in the world per capita) they are very good and cheap (if you live in some first world country) because we are a very poor country. Therapy for us is very common. Look for some, many are working overseas.

Talk with your family about that, try to do some exercises, it will improve your mental health.

You can be alone without feel loniless.

Just as importantly, being an introvert and having a limited supply of social energy doesn't mean I'm not excited to see people.

I also get excited about long and difficult bike rides and I'm dead afterwards. But that's part of it.

I think there's often a misconception that introversion == anti-social or a non-enjoyment of social situations.

I once thought I was an introvert but just realized it wasn't the case in practice and now people are surprised if I tell them that, so it's not really impossible to find some balance.

I think a lot of people have convinced themselves that they're strongly typed as introverts for a lot of various reasons. But people often exhibit desires and behaviors contrary that aren't exactly hard introversion, and discount that it's possible to change or adapt for the better.

I frequently see posts for my city's subreddit basically saying "I am lonely but I don't go out and talk to people or try to because I hate everyone". Or people find it unimaginable that you can go sit at a bar and interact with strangers---meanwhile we do it online all the time. I feel like this is the status quo for too many people.

One example is needing downtime after social interaction. This really isn't uncommon even among people who aren't introverted. Social interaction is a source of stress that can be net positive and it doesn't mean you're introvert if you need a break. If a lot of a person's social interaction has historically been and continues to be negative, then one might associate themselves more heavily with introversion which can reinforce having negative interactions (Why improve social skills or seek out positive social interactions if it feels like everyone is always a jerk?).

But a lot of social interaction people seek out isn't as simple as small talk. A lot of geeks like sharing code and participate in various online communities. I like being able to isolate and get work done and also interact with people about work. Too much of one or the other isn't always useful.

My personal view is that a lot of social interactions and social life in general has been disrupted by tech, and we're still figuring out how to make it work.

As someone with avpd, it is truly brutal. It is a very severe form of social anxiety that usually ends up effecting all forms of your behaviour. Developing compulsive lying behaviours, even to the point of fraud, avoiding work even if it has no social component. I desire being invited to parties yet throw up with nerves before heading out, even if it is people I have known my entire life. A good therapist and being open to trying various treatments is really the only way to get help… yet doing so can be almost impossible for the avoidant.