Ask HN: Do you wake up with anxiety?

I'm suffering extreme work anxiety. I almost never sleep. I'm trying to get out but that takes time and I need the paycheck. I decided to start job hunting when I realized that I'd rather die than get up in the morning. Duty to my kids is the only thing keeping me going.

My pleasure! I have a feeling that the visualizing any physical activity that you love doing, which requires focus to be good at will work.

I used to, but it was a nutritional deficiency for me. To fix that, I had to decalcify my vascular system and gut, then slowly re-introduce calcium lactate. Now I don't wake up with anxiety or a racing mind. A calcium deficiency (not a lack of consumption, but a lack of pathway uptake) can cause anxiety and tachycardia.

You must nip it before it gets too late.

I worked for a FAANG (Amzn Bayarea) for 5yrs and it was worst 5yrs of my life.

My current situation is I have Vocal Cord Dysfunction and Laryngospasm. In addition to host other problems like GERD, GI, sinus infections, cold sores. NONE of which I had before starting this job. Before this job, I was at the pinnacle of my health.

It wasn't so much the work which I actually loved, but the people and company's methodology for recognition, reviews and promotion.

It basically got down to two things:

1. Bullying.

2. Systematic discrimination.

I created an entire department from scratch, built it to 20+ people when I left and became one of the most talkabout group. I worked multiple days/nights straight, weekends and late nights to make it all work for 3+ yrs. A lot of which was getting down to my hands and knees sweat type even though I am a PM.

So what did I get? My role was replaced by an insider who influenced the hirer to hire all of his friends and replace my role as department head. Then I got relegated to the bottom of the org structure. My name is on everything on this org which eventually all got replaced by my replacements. I simply quit after all doors closed due to notes in HR files I'm sure.

My current situation with VCD/Larynogospasm. You do NOT ever want to get to this point. Laryngospasm basically is when your vocal cord closes while it's spasming and you can't breathe. You feel like you're about to die because no matter how hard you try, you can't get a breathe in. Eventually you can breath but like being water boarded, you won't die but the experience is unforgettable. I get this multiple times a day. I can't drive or even play with my kid. In addition, I also have syncope which is blacking out when you cough. There is no remedy or understanding asto why this happens except mental.

Now back to your situation. When they say stress can kill, they really meant it. I feel like I'm going to die every day because of my problems which includes syncope where I blackout coughing.

1. You need to mitigate your stress inducers

2. You need therapy to help you. Men generally don't talk and keep things in. That will kill you.

3. You must find regularity in daily walks outside with sun in nature, away from people.

4. Your own thoughts will bring you down. you must find peace by eliminating your stressors. Worse case you can't, then stop taking it personally because it isn't you, it's them.

I feel absolutely horrible asto what happened to me and feel helpless. However thinking back, I could have done more to help myself. It's all mind games. You must create strategic alliances and maintain some conduit to which people who are decision makers can see and hear you.

Ultimately I now understand the adage of "it's who you know, not what you know."

I realize now why so many upper mgmt are such morons and idiots.

Be good to yourself, talk to someone, take breaks out in nature. You MUST find release for all the stress you're going through. I cannot live with what I have. Matter of fact, I just had a laryngospasm in writing this. I'm reduced to being on my knees, gasping for air, using my O2, ventolin which none helps since they can't reach my lungs.

Letting stress take over your life will kill you.....

Good luck and take care of yourself because NO ONE will.

Nice guys truly do finish last....

(Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist, just someone who has dealt with a lot of anxiety and has been through treatment. Please do get professional advice if you’re struggling!)

That’s a great question, and the answer is: it depends! In the abstract, what you’re describing sounds like the opposite of avoiding a feared consequence. With fears, you want to be able to look them right in the face and say: “Yeah. That might happen. I can’t predict the future and I can’t know for sure. But if the worst does happen, I will find a way to accept that reality and adapt to it as best I can.”

(This sounds simple, but if you’re in the habit of avoiding fears, it won’t be easy at first. Your brain will twist itself into a pretzel to work out some way of avoiding the feared thing. This is where therapy is so useful: a professional knows how to guide you through a process of learning better mental/behavioral habits, and they have helped many people before you).

The nuance is intent. It’s healthy coping to open yourself up to the scary uncertainty and possibility that something bad may happen, and to commit to finding a way forward if and when that happens. But it may be avoidance if you’re trying to PROVE to yourself that there’s nothing to fear. It can also be avoidance to identify every possible scenario that might unfold and how you would deal with it - in that case, you’re trying to avoid the uncertainty by mapping it all out. (You can tell that this may be happening because your thinking becomes pretty baroque, and it always seems like there’s just one more scenario that needs to be mapped out and “fixed”.)

Generally, we humans have a hard time tolerating uncertainty. But the truth is, almost everything in life is uncertain to some degree.

There is a difference also between taking a realistic assessment of the facts of a situation for the purpose of making a realistic, fact-based assessment, versus “lawyering” the facts to get to a preferred conclusion. The former is healthy and appropriate: anxiety does skew our perception of facts, and it’s good to ground ourselves in objective evidence, whatever that evidence might say. The latter is an attempt to reassure the fear away, and the relief it offers just doesn’t “stick.” The anxiety tends to come back with a new what-if: “Oh yeah? You can handle losing that customer? Well what if you you lose several customers all at once? Then you won’t make your mortgage payment!” If you notice that happening, you want to slap a big, sticky label on that thought: that’s anxiety! And the answer is: “I don’t know. Yeah, I might lose every customer at the same time, lose my house, and end up on the street. But how likely is this? Is it an appropriate use of my time to plan for this contingency right now?”