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Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

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Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#51

Once you’ve conquered Maslow’s original hierarchy of needs, dig into his final need that he added later in life. Achieve not for yourself but for your community or your world. Transcend the self, and feel that higher order need. As another commenter mentioned, altruistic endeavors are a good choice. Even things like being a Boy Scout leader can be hugely fulfilling of that broader need.

+1 for altruistic endeavors. Nothing beats the fulfillment you get on helping others, even a small act might mean a huge thing for someone else.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#52

Congratulations on your life this far, you have certainly checked off everything there is in this material world. Honestly, I mean it. Your work ethic is great, as is your abilities to get you this far. How is your faith life, do you believe in religion? As some others have alluded to, having gratitude and giving back I feel are your next steps you should consider taking. I think you are at a great time in your life…

Where would you start?

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#53
post #28

This is a symptom of someone that lived a 'square' life style all their lives... and never did something out of bounds or take risks You really need to spice up your life... Go to the dessert, do some 'safe' drugs, (aka, mushrooms)..., get a mistress.... get a motorcycle (and be safe about it), buy one of those trycycle open air cars and ride the coast, start playing some social sports seriously, (volleyball/soccer)…

I love this comment. I could not agree more. I would love to re-live those years, but I am content to have "been there/done that". I would feel so empty without all the stupid shit I've done in my life. But of course I'm lucky to be alive, and also to have come of age pre-911, but I'm not sure how one can know how great they have things without having seen the edge. For passer-bys, I highly recommend reading the book Siddhartha for insight into this idea--finding bookends to your existence has brought me incredible peace.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#54
When I was in my early 20s I had to spend some time working on freeing my inner-mind from itself. I managed to get to a point where I can feel satisfied regardless of my external life situation. Since then due to a mix of bad luck, laziness, and low-energy I haven't achieved almost anything I thought I wanted from life back when I was graduating from high school. I've spent some time in remarkable places doing remarkable things I didn't even know were possible to do and I've also spent some time being homeless and in jail. In all of these situations I have felt satisfied and fulfilled because I can generate that feeling from within myself.

Now I also live in one of the world's most beautiful cities surrounded by good friends and family. I spend a lot of time helping strangers with their problems for little to no reward. I still have a mortgage, but I feel at peace with that, and I probably never would have made it to where I am without taking those detours and getting my head straight first.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#55

When I was older than you, I left technology to try for medical school. After several years of studies, some of it absolutely brutal, I had to go back to technology; my brain is just not wired to memorize large amounts of information as required to pass med school exams. It was a fascinating detour and I was fortunate that I had the tech skills to get back into technology, though my dreams of becoming a doctor had co…

Did you do a post-bac program for this? I'm in the process of trying to leave software and become a PA, but I'm not sure what the best path would be, or how to budget/plan.

My wife just did this. Basically she took the prerecs over two years while working as a clinical research manager which also gave her the required hours of med-related work experience.

Total cost is 100-200k depending on the program, including living expenses. Most people borrow that.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#56
It seems you have a lot to be grateful for -- I'd recommend embracing that feeling, along with your family.

Or, are you maybe humblebragging? To have all that at 33 years old is quite good. Are you seeking advice, or acknowledgement? For someone who has been so effective in their life, it seems odd to me that they feel the need to seek this advice.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#57
I would recommend the following video that may not provide explicit answers, but will perhaps provide a contextual understanding for how you're feeling.

Why Passivity Breeds Mediocrity and Mental Illness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUs6NDsMWVI

It sounds like you've slammed your new life full of ephemeral busywork to, well, keep yourself occupied. It also sounds like you don't have a professional network that relies on you and that you rely on (since you're financially independent and just poking around these days).

You may want to take a step back, enmesh yourself for a few weeks or months in all the possible paths you could focus yourself on (which will likely be chaotic and unenjoyable), and then just dedicate yourself to pursuing a given path. Try to build up a network, feel you are helping others in the network, and see where it all goes.

Whether this path ends up being financially fruitful or being conventionally successful along some other axis should be viewed as irrelevant given your current status. You'll likely find just having a thing to do, that other people are also working tangentially on or are interested in, will bring you all the success you need.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#58
Dostoevsky, Steinbeck, Shakespeare, and The Bible all have very thoughtful takes on these kind of questions. And that's just a start.

I've been in your situation before, and immersing myself in great works of art was probably the most useful thing I did.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#59

[I missed the kid part, ignore the rest of this comment as it's wrong] I'm surprised no one asked about/suggested procreation? You've literally set yourself up for that, at this point of your life. If you and your spouse are unable to, you should look into adoption. The lost feeling could be from not having a real, good use of what you've built up. It's like building a kingdom but not having any people in it.

He already has a kid, he said.

Thanks, I missed it.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#60
post #52

Congratulations on your life this far, you have certainly checked off everything there is in this material world. Honestly, I mean it. Your work ethic is great, as is your abilities to get you this far. How is your faith life, do you believe in religion? As some others have alluded to, having gratitude and giving back I feel are your next steps you should consider taking. I think you are at a great time in your life…

Where would you start?

Do you pray? If not, start there. It might take you out of your comfort zone a bit to approach a deity you do not know (or know well).

As others have suggested, now's a good time to offer up your means to improve the world, and to be a blessing in others' lives. A living God can help you do that, and He'll help you to find Him.

If you want some more guidance in spiritual development, missionaries can help.

Edit: So, I'm a Christian; and while you should explore what feels right to you because you know you best, here's a site where you can start. This page describes some basic principles of becoming one's best self through spiritual progression, as well as having contacts to missionaries: https://www.comeuntochrist.org/become

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