Just remember in the beginning. It’s basically 3 things that will make a baby cry. Those are needing a diaper changed, hungry or tired. Also if you want to gain brownie points with the wife. Switch off with her for caring for the baby. Just realize your both going to be tired. The switching back and forth with the care not only helps avoid arguments but also is nice getting a few extra hours of sleep.
Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
51–60 of 79 posts
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#52On a non-monetary note, here's some advice I gave my brother recently. (My daughter is now 15 months old, and I was thinking about what advice I wish I'd been given before she was born): 1) Remember at all times that no matter how tired you are, your partner is almost certainly much more tired. Basically, give her a free pass for the first few months, if not longer. (The hormonal changes a few days in are no fun eith…
> There is no point comforting a crying baby
I've had 3 children, and found this to be 100% false. Every crying baby has a reason, and if you build a checklist of things to check, almost all babies can be calmed down. I say almost, because there are exceptions to everything.
It has been years, so I no longer have the list in my head, but it boiled down to making sure everything in their environment is in moderation. Not too hot, not too cold, not overstimulated, not under-stimulated. Are they hungry? Wet? Dirty? Tired? Scared? ... you get the idea. Sure, "comforting" them by telling them things will be OK isn't effective. But finding and fixing problems works. And most of us folk on HN are good at such things.
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#53Hey man, first off... no judgement intended, but look on Glass Door and make sure you're being paid appropriately for your line of work in your region. And... consider moving to a region that pays more. Just saying, $50k seems low for tech / anything that would bring you to the Hacker News community. If you're freelancing, and sometimes you get paid and sometimes you don't, you need to work on getting clients to pay…
There are areas in Texas with moderately tech savvy industries where $50k can cover basic needs for a family of four with good housing (3BR/2BA with reasonable dimensions for all rooms and yard), savings, and an occasional splurge on entertainment. Now in the SF Bay area, you've got to look at 2.5-4+ to keep that quality of life. Useful salary, to some extent, is geographical. The rest of what you're talking about, I…
Yup, always gotta watch that salary vs. cost of living ratio.
That's what ruled out Seattle, SF, LA, and NYC for me. I'm in Austin -- not the cheapest place in Texas, but your buck goes a long way here. Not as far as it went 15 years ago, but property investments have really paid off for me here.
https://www.bizjournals.com/austin/news/2019/06/24/studywhen...
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#54Congratulations! 1. Get a health insurance for you and your wife if you don’t already have one. That takes care of large unexpected costs. 2. Make a budget for next 2 years. This will show how much money you might actually need. 3. Build savings from today. You should be able to make good savings by the time your baby is born. 4. Not sure what you do. If possible find a way to build long term relationships with your…
Is the government recommendation of $25k/yr per child accurate? To answer this:
> Make a budget for next 2 years. This will show how much money you might actually need.
How much does one need for a child?
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#55Congratulations! One thing, not as major as some of what other commenters have mentioned but worth knowing, is that you should not feel guilty about buying used clothes/cribs/etc. for your kid. 1) most baby clothes get worn very few times before they're outgrown, so you can get them in good shape at garage sales or thrift shops 2) your baby doesn't care whether it is dressed stylishly or not, it just cares if it's co…
Great advice! My wife would not shop goodwill until she was helping kids with a play and the amount of funds for costuming made her. Now she loves to 'Pop some tags...'
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#56Congrats. I owe my career and the opportunity to bring my family to the states thanks to Upwork.
With that level of income I could save for the trip, home, car, the works. It opened up a huge market for me and ultimate gave my everything. Try that platform to find work I'm assuming you are a programmer or something related since you're on HN.
Also, try not to freelance as much, it's too unpredictable for children.
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#57On a non-monetary note, here's some advice I gave my brother recently. (My daughter is now 15 months old, and I was thinking about what advice I wish I'd been given before she was born): 1) Remember at all times that no matter how tired you are, your partner is almost certainly much more tired. Basically, give her a free pass for the first few months, if not longer. (The hormonal changes a few days in are no fun eith…
What is a free pass?
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#58Congratulations! 1. Get a health insurance for you and your wife if you don’t already have one. That takes care of large unexpected costs. 2. Make a budget for next 2 years. This will show how much money you might actually need. 3. Build savings from today. You should be able to make good savings by the time your baby is born. 4. Not sure what you do. If possible find a way to build long term relationships with your…
Is the government recommendation of $25k/yr per child accurate? To answer this: > Make a budget for next 2 years. This will show how much money you might actually need. How much does one need for a child?
Government numbers are hard to use in reality.
If you have insurance that should cover the medical. What share you apportion that to a child ...
Breast feeding saves money, makes for healthier children.
Diapers could kill you. We did disposable. Look for coupons and watch for sales, try to double dip that one.
Important things to remember: 1) kids want your time, not the crap you buy them. 2) you will make mistakes, just try to learn and move on. Anyone who says they did not is not being intellectually honest. 3) start reading and numbers as soon as possible. ABC 123 from day one.
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#59Congrats! As someone else said, make sure you have a healthy buffer of cash. Unexpected doctor visits come up, you'll want to take the kid somewhere and they go through diapers really fast in the beginning. Also make sure you and your partner can communicate and have plans for sleeping and babycare. My son is just two months and we've finally figured out a sleep routine since we had both been getting up when we start…
"they go through diapers really fast" This is where a membership to a wholesale place like Costco becomes a no-brainer. Diapers, wipes and formula are best bought in bulk.
I do not want to be a nay sayer, but often the costco bulks are a rip off. Specifically paper products. Of course their hotdogs are a good cheap meal ...
Get the calculator out and do the math. With coupons I often bought the smaller packages and saved money. Then the next month the bigger ones. When we had kids we often bought diapers at Toys-r-us / babies-r-us, but I think they are out of business. In the end shop around. Ask others. Friends and neighbors will save / grab coupons to help you out.
Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad
#60Congratulations! 1. Get a health insurance for you and your wife if you don’t already have one. That takes care of large unexpected costs. 2. Make a budget for next 2 years. This will show how much money you might actually need. 3. Build savings from today. You should be able to make good savings by the time your baby is born. 4. Not sure what you do. If possible find a way to build long term relationships with your…
7. Make sure to be there for both you wife as well as your child, i.e. don't be an absent dad. Your child(ren) will fare much better spending extra hours with you present than they will with the extra earnings those hours would make your family. Money is a means to an end, once the end has been met there are other things more important.