I have heard some military and law enforcement friends mention something along the lines of "hang your fangs at the door." In those fields, it's very clear who your "enemies" are versus "friendlies." I suppose there is some serious compartmentalization going on in order for this philosophy to work.
Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
51–60 of 244 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#52I suggest doing something between work and home that you enjoy and that can fully distract you from work. Some hobbies are like this... an hour doing it and you will pretty much forget your work "self". Don't feel the need for it to be productive or purposeful. I think much of the bad stress we get in jobs comes from our deeper understanding that the work is pretty pointless or simply unimportant to us. The idea of t…
Playing music does it for me. It's not just concentrating on the music itself, but also, hanging out with a group of people who are practically a different culture than the tech scene.
For instance, I have had band mates who were voluntarily homeless, or who really just don't get the whole idea of showing up somewhere for regular paid employment. Some are certifiably crazy. The problems that are so urgent to me, they react with curious amusement, or just don't even give a rat's arse.
Noting another post in the thread, the regulars at the bar are probably another such culture.
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#53I would recommend exploring Emotional Brain Training (EBT) [1]. Wired for Joy [2] and Spiral Up [3] are two related books on the subject. Find a therapist that works in this space to coach you through it.
[1] https://www.ebtconnect.net/what_is_ebt
[2] https://www.amazon.com/Wired-Joy-Revolutionary-Creating-Happ...
[3] Sorry I can't find it anywhere
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#54My work drives me insane. I cycle home. 30 minutes of fairly vigorous exercise and it melts away. I realise this isn't an option for many due to location, but it works for me.
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#55From my experience, when you're at the edge, the only thing to do is release the anger. Chopping wood, sledge hammer to rocks, in general doing he-man break shit. Preferably in private. Once that's worked out, I make sure to give the anger back to the person who's sourcing it. If I need to check myself by asking the person questions, I try to do it. But other than that, I really try my best to reflect that negative e…
One more thing. A lot of people talk about "letting go". A wise man once told me he didn't know much about letting go, but he was real good at leaving things alone.
Trust me, if you leave alone instead of letting it go - you'll revisit. Over. And over. And over.
And it's going to be a little bit worse every single time. Find closure.
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#56If you have a terrible job, no amount of therapy, exercising, and drinking will help you here. You need to find a new job, plain and simple. If it's your 10th job and you are feeling like this still, you have to figure out if it is bad luck (it does happen) or if it's something with you. Either way, it is sort of you, since you managed to keep finding and stepping into jobs you are unhappy at. Certainly, a hint or tw…
"If it's your 10th job and you are feeling like this still, you have to figure out if it is bad luck (it does happen) or if it's something with you."
Or you could have just chosen the wrong career. Simply changing jobs may not be enough.
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#57You need to figure out what the underlying issue is. Is it just about work? Are you happy (relatively speaking) when not at work, like weekends?
If not, figure out what's wrong. Could be that you need to change jobs, get extra or better sleep, vitamin-d (helped for me). It could also be that you need some professional help. There's no shame in that.
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#58If your job sucks, just leave your job. That's what I did and I am much happier now.
I was at a place that paid me very well but had very low standards for hiring. The interview was incredibly easy and, in retrospective, that was a big red flag that I failed to see. After that, if I get an easy interview I will pass on the opportunity. An overly easy interview means you will work with people that don't know wtf they're doing or how to recognize your talent/contributions.
You spend a lot of time at work, try to work at a place that doesn't drain you.
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#59I know some people here have suggested jumping to another position, which certainly is a viable option, but consider the fact that emotional hardship will always occur in our lifetimes. Similarly, it's worth gaining some self-awareness around why things are activating, whether they be good or bad (activating or deregulating your system in a heightened state or a low-energy state). My advice is see a therapist on a so…
Yeah, therapy has done wonders for my ability to take action instead of letting frustration build up. For me, your emotions are your emotions, you can't just leave them behind. But you can often release them in a constructive way or at least vent them a bit :)
Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?
#60It's just adrenaline, so try to spread it somewhere, somehow