Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#51

Post by kennytilton » Tue, Oct 06, 2015, 3:49 PM UTC

I do not see where you have a problem. You do not mention him accosting you, all you describe is having to listen to him rag on others. Perhaps the problem is you being too tuned into his unpleasantness. In which case moving on will not help, because us capable geek jerks are everywhere.

Remember, he is not your partner or your friend, he is just there. You do not have to let him under your skin. Turn down the gain on your butthead antenna. Visualize a force field around you off which his assininity just bounces. That is how most people (including my best friends) deal with me: they just do not listen to me.

This is an incredible growth opportunity for you. Seize it! You will tolerate us idiots more effectively for the rest of your life.

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#52

Post by saluki » Tue, Oct 06, 2015, 4:42 PM UTC

1. no, he likes this guy 2. no, your mgr will be upset going over his head 3. definitely not, you'll be the bad guy 4. no, stick it out 5. yes, try to expect this behavior out of him maybe it won't bother you so much, not the best team player but sounds like he can't change even when counseled by your mgr. Maybe try to take more of a lead congratulating other team members when things go well and helping them learn from mistakes when things do not. Maybe he'll see this and follow your leadership.

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#53

Post by rajacombinator » Wed, Oct 07, 2015, 1:32 AM UTC

moomin wrote: post #20

4), and here's why: the manager is already aware of this behaviour and hasn't acted on it. In other words, you're dealing with a toxic _culture_, not a toxic co-worker. By all means do 5 while you execute on 4, but you're in no position to change the culture of the firm. Go and find a better one. (Context: I've done exactly this.)

Strong this. If your manager is already aware, then it's too late to fix. You would have to alter the behavior of both the employee and the manager. And most likely everyone up the chain as well because examples are set from the top. Just bail.

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#54

Post by sheepmullet » Wed, Oct 07, 2015, 4:48 AM UTC

Perhaps it's the situation rather than the person?

Ive worked in high pressure environments before and a little bit of venting is incredibly tame.

From the sounds of it whenever there is a crises he is the one expected to take care of it.

The easiest way to fix it is to take on a chunk of the responsibility yourself. At the very least it will give you a better understanding of the pressure he is under.

If I have to work through the weekend fixing critical problems caused by careless coworkers then I'll probably have a whinge. If you make me miss out on spending time with my wife and kids.... Of course I'll be a bit frustrated with you.