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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

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Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#491

Post by WarrenBaker »

If at all possible, I'd hire someone and gradually teach them the real pain points for you. Don't forget, something you hate may be something that someone else finds to be the coolest challenge! By giving them some things they might like as well as a few of the worst things in your work life, they could thrive and it cuts you some slack. Yes, it may be difficult domain material but people can learn and you may be surprised at how fast and how much of it someone who has a real interest in it can absorb.

One of the reasons you feel completely trapped is that, effectively you are. You need to get one or two people who can start giving you a break. Then you will get perspective and can make reasonable career decisions. When you're trapped, it gets worse and worse and you may just toss all that work to now and walk.

Hire someone, or delegate bits to others (or do both) to get some space from the things that are driving this ideation. You will be much happier and it will buy time to determine what you need to do for you to thrive.

My heart goes out to you!

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#492

Post by damm »

I don't really see a problem here; your mind is drifting wandering. Pretty clear that you are restless but it's likely mostly in you.

1. Meditation and taking time out of the day to enjoy your life

2. Take time out of your day to enjoy what you have

3. Remember to take time out of your day to enjoy life for what it is. Not what it can be.

4. Take time out of your day to appreciate your peers and your loved ones. Take them out to dinner or just show how much you appreciate them.

5. Lastly if you really want to quit; you need to setup an exit plan. It's clear you have a few excuses; hell don't we all. Can't find someone to replace you? well if the domain knowledge is high; it's likely needing to be documented and distilled down. Maybe it's too much for 1 person maybe 2 or 3 people could replace you.

Lastly stop assuming life has to be a certain way; it's hard enough with all these assumptions and expectations lumped on us. By beating yourself up you are just doing yourself a disservice.

Don't forget to tell yourself how amazing you are; I mean you are a founder at a company that is not in debt. You could be acquired; you don't have to be a founder forever it sounds like.

Time to take time and celebrate.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#493

Post by yuhong »

jwdunne wrote: post #349
bitL wrote: post #338

Don't talk to your wife about it, you'll show her a weakness, she will start subconsciously resent you, become colder and distant and your stress will double. She has you as her rock, she doesn't want a weak man to rely on. Start instead some sport, take care of your body (try sauna + cold baths together), eat brain-boosting supplements, kick out sugar/flour-based food for a month, switch your phone off for 4 hours d…

That's the most ridiculous thing that I've ever heard about marriage. In a solid, loving, marriage, your wife will resent you for not being open and honest. She's meant to be your best friend. She wants to be there for you as much as you are for her. My Mrs has cried before now because I've not let her in on my hard times, my pain. She was devastated​ to know what I was going through alone. She assumed I'd closed up…

That being said, I do dislike this having to be posted anonymously.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#494

Post by ido »

throwanem wrote: post #383

I don't know directly from any of this, because I am an unlettered redneck with air-cooled teeth and a net worth in the middle four figures. But if I had a serious prospect of ending up with genuine fuck-you money, and all I had to do to get it was keep doing what I was already doing and gut it out for a few more years, then that is precisely what I would do, to the best of my ability. I get that you're suffering, an…

    They are not without stress, as you imagine 
    them to be.
I guess they imagine they wouldn't care about doing a good job, losing it, or making money - which would probably alleviate a bunch of the stress!

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#496

Post by danmaz74 »

throwanem wrote: post #383

I don't know directly from any of this, because I am an unlettered redneck with air-cooled teeth and a net worth in the middle four figures. But if I had a serious prospect of ending up with genuine fuck-you money, and all I had to do to get it was keep doing what I was already doing and gut it out for a few more years, then that is precisely what I would do, to the best of my ability. I get that you're suffering, an…

Out of curiosity, how much is the stress in those jobs linked to the fear of losing the job, and how much to the job itself?

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#497

Post by throwanem »

danmaz74 wrote: post #496
throwanem wrote: post #383

I don't know directly from any of this, because I am an unlettered redneck with air-cooled teeth and a net worth in the middle four figures. But if I had a serious prospect of ending up with genuine fuck-you money, and all I had to do to get it was keep doing what I was already doing and gut it out for a few more years, then that is precisely what I would do, to the best of my ability. I get that you're suffering, an…

Out of curiosity, how much is the stress in those jobs linked to the fear of losing the job, and how much to the job itself?

Neither, mostly. Or both. Let me see if I can usefully elucidate.

In the short term, the stress originates in the fact that the pay sucks; even if you work as hard as you can all the time and get all the hours you can handle, you still barely get by in the best of times - and one serious medical issue, for example, is more than enough to wipe you out financially for good.

In the long term, these jobs entail extensive physical labor, and it takes very little time to realize that there's eventually going to be a hard limit on your ability to continue to do such work - especially if you work as hard as you can all the time and get all the hours you can handle. Sooner or later, you're just going to be too old and too beat up to continue, and the longer you do this kind of work, the higher your risk of the kind of injury whose repair costs will wipe you out as I describe above.

And even if you beat all the odds and never get sick or get hurt, what happens when you can't work any more? Funding even a minimally feasible retirement runs to the mid- to high six figures at best, and doing this kind of work all your life, you're lucky to top out at fifty thousand a year - and that's if you can get such work at all, when illegal day labor is so much more cost-effective.

So you're pretty much screwed both ways, when this kind of work is the best your abilities enable you to find. You don't make enough money to provide a stable life for yourself and your family, and when you run up against the physical infirmities that come to us all but most quickly to those who use their bodies hardest, you cease being able to make even that much, and then what the hell do you do?

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#498

Post by danmaz74 »

throwanem wrote: post #497
danmaz74 wrote: post #496

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Out of curiosity, how much is the stress in those jobs linked to the fear of losing the job, and how much to the job itself?

Neither, mostly. Or both. Let me see if I can usefully elucidate. In the short term, the stress originates in the fact that the pay sucks; even if you work as hard as you can all the time and get all the hours you can handle, you still barely get by in the best of times - and one serious medical issue, for example, is more than enough to wipe you out financially for good. In the long term, these jobs entail extensive…

Thanks for the answer. In most of the EU your healthcare costs are mostly covered by the State and, if you become unable to work, you usually get some kind of disability pensions. But I understand that, without this kind of "insurance", there is a lot more stress even in jobs where you don't have big responsibilities.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#499

Post by throwanem »

danmaz74 wrote: post #498
throwanem wrote: post #497

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Neither, mostly. Or both. Let me see if I can usefully elucidate. In the short term, the stress originates in the fact that the pay sucks; even if you work as hard as you can all the time and get all the hours you can handle, you still barely get by in the best of times - and one serious medical issue, for example, is more than enough to wipe you out financially for good. In the long term, these jobs entail extensive…

Thanks for the answer. In most of the EU your healthcare costs are mostly covered by the State and, if you become unable to work, you usually get some kind of disability pensions. But I understand that, without this kind of "insurance", there is a lot more stress even in jobs where you don't have big responsibilities.

In most of the EU, the US subsidizes your defense budget, too.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#500

Post by danmaz74 »

throwanem wrote: post #499
danmaz74 wrote: post #498

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for the answer. In most of the EU your healthcare costs are mostly covered by the State and, if you become unable to work, you usually get some kind of disability pensions. But I understand that, without this kind of "insurance", there is a lot more stress even in jobs where you don't have big responsibilities.

In most of the EU, the US subsidizes your defense budget, too.

Do you really think that, if we spent more on our armies, you would spend less?

Anyway, I'm not saying that our system is better - for example, here it's more difficult to find a job, and wages are usually lower enough (also because of the taxes necessary to finance the welfare state). What I was really thinking about is how much having to worry about medical expenses and retirement money changes the stress level in certain kinds of jobs.

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