You asked on HN thinking that there would be at least one person who is pathetik enough to cope with such a lifestyle. You are correct.
But I don’t feel like answering this question.
Ask HN: How to be alone?
481–490 of 592 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#482I struggled with isolation for a long time but I found that there are some hobbies that have helped me.
- join jiu jitsu (people here are so supportive, it such a solid community and it gets you crazy active)
- join a church you like (believe it or not, there are great ones out there where you can find people that care about you the way God wants to have a personal relationship. In those communities people care about whats going on in your life and it gets your caring about other people. And as a bonus, people will put together pot lucks, bbqs, outings. Gets you in planning mode)
- I started reading books again, novels. Evenings without my family being together in a house alone was rough for a long while. I stopped watching shows in the evenings now and have a much more consistent bedtime routine that involves reading an actual fun book. This has gotten me out of my head, out of my laptop, out of the screen and enjoying stories again. Highly recommend!
If you're ever struggling, feel free to reach out. I am starting a discord server for this community because this seems to come up a lot and HN comments doesn't seem to be a great place to have consistent connection. https://discord.gg/Hzu3UrthHn
The discomfort you feel is real but manageable. It's good news because you just need to be consistent in doing 1 small thing each day or each week. For me it was, I'm going to go to church and find a small group I'm interested in. Then from there I added in - I'm going to learn guitar and see an actual professional teacher to teach me so I have an in person contact with someone who cares about my progress. Then it was, I'm actually going to regularly have real phone calls with my family (my mom, my brother, etc). I have a daughter so it's much easier for me, but I also live remotely so there's that.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#483Earlier quoted context omitted.
The God thing is only temporary though. At some point you will seek Truth and the world will collapse on you.. Not only will you have an existential crisis, but your friend group will begin to shy away from you. But otherwise I basically agree. I think God is great for you in the psychological short term. Machiavelli to Dostoevsky agree.
This is my personal opinion. I think it doesn't have to be a short term fix. If you are curious enough and open minded you can find a long term relationship with God that doesn't contradict verifiable truth as long as you are willing to question collectively accepted "truths". For me, Natural theology has been one of the main foundations in my path to get closer to God. Understanding that physics stumbled upon the Sp…
I've read 9 years of philosophy. Its never happening.
It gets worse than you know. Not only is the doctrinal god not real... not even the Stoic thiest god more valid than agnosticism. (Epistemology)
It gets worse: There is nothing that says the words of human are more valid than looking to nature. There is 0 way to factually chose between them. (Epistemology)
It continues to get worse: Circles aren't real, they are a construct of human language. Even our knowledge of material things is subject to the same limitations. Organic molecules see the world, and different organic molecules turn this into logical thought. Then we vibrate some air particles as we explain to others. (Ontology)
Anyway, its much worse than you think. Do not read philosophy if you want to continue being happy like you are. All paths in philosophy lead to nihilism.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#484Earlier quoted context omitted.
The God thing is only temporary though. At some point you will seek Truth and the world will collapse on you.. Not only will you have an existential crisis, but your friend group will begin to shy away from you. But otherwise I basically agree. I think God is great for you in the psychological short term. Machiavelli to Dostoevsky agree.
I'd strongly disagree with this. Since becoming serious about my faith as a 15 year old from a non-christian background, my life and my friend group has gotten progressively better. I had an existential crisis that helped bring me to faith - basically what is the point of anything if there's nothing beyond this world of matter? I've not had one since, as I don't believe this world of matter is all there is.
Yeah... Don't read philosophy. Don't seek truth.
And if you do, you better have a new game plan for happiness and your friend group.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#485Whatever you do, don't learn to cope with being alone. I did, and it was my biggest mistake.
Don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like you did not actually learn to cope
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#486Was in similar situation. For me, what worked was filling up my time with productive fulfilling hobbies/tasks. This kept my mind off the drastic change. Think of all the things that you wanted to, but didn't get to do because you didn't have time in your previous routine.
What worked for me was going to the gym during the weekday nights, then I picked up volunteering at a museum that I love on the weekends. Also spending a lot more time on a side project that got put on the backburner when my relationship was taking up a large amount of my time. Find what works for you.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#487Start doing daily outdoor walks or runs, whatever you prefer. Spend more time outdoors and away from noise if you can (easy for me to say as I live on the edge of a forest). Join some hiking clubs, you'll meet all kinds of interesting people. Learn to meditate and take some breathing exercise classes (locally or online) and get off the medications as quickly as you can.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#488I would NOT recommend dating apps, you will most likely not find a real connection there and given the circumstances it might give you anxiety you don't need. I have had a similar path and situation lately and some things that have helped me are group activities like playing sports (I play soccer), group gym activities (I attend a strength and conditioning class) and most recently Bible study (I became friends with a…
> I would NOT recommend dating apps, you will most likely not find a real connection
Plenty of people found real connections on dating apps. They can be frustrating but remain a good way to meet people. That being said, different people have vastly different experience there, and it can be very frustrating and demoralizing.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#489Earlier quoted context omitted.
I was wondering the same thing. It already takes a very high level of motivation and self discipline to go 3 times a week, going every day requires superhuman levels to so consistently. This doesn't take into account that your body requires rest, and I don't know how op thinks you can combine this with an active sport like skiing, or something creative like music. You will be drained already from the gym.
>high level of motivation and self discipline to go 3 times a week. I don't really have the time for gym but going feels so good so I can see why someone who does have the time might go 7 days a week.
People really differ, don't we?
I can only imagine what it would feel like to enjoy working out!
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#490Ok. First time writing here. Been there: totally alone (four blocks away from my three kids) at 35 -that was 15 years ago-.
What it worked: volunteer.
Sometimes you'll feel glorious sometimes you'll feel meeh, sometimes you feel annoyed, but I think that's the point.
Just volunteer.