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Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

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Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#481

One of my all time favorites. Can’t remember where I first read it (Quora?), but it’s currently my top Google hit for “balloon programmer project manager joke”. [0] ============ A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend. I would meet him half an hour ago, but I…

Thats a rehash of an old joke: I know it soviet style: A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist are flying in a air balloon and are lost. They encounter a man walking below: The biologist asks him: "do you know, where we are?" "..." the man looks up and says nothing The physicist ask him: "can you please tell us, where we are!" "..." after a while the man says: "in a balloon". The mathematician remarks, ah, he mu…

A Soviet engineer needs some plumbing done in his apartment, and calls for a plumber. The plumber arrives, does his thing, and hands over the bill.

The engineer is shocked. -'What, this is like a quarter of what I make in a month - for half an hour's work???'

Plumber shrugs. -'Well, why don't you come join us? Easy work, well paid, no responsibility - just remember to keep mum about your degree, as we're not supposed to hire academics.'

Our engineer contemplates this for a while, applies for a job as a plumber - and gets it.

All is well, good money, no responsibilites - until management requires that they take evening school classes to gain new skills and thus better build socialism. So, grudgingly, our engineer enrolls in a math class and, upon arriving, finds that the teacher wants to establish what the plumbers already know.

-'You over there - could you please come to the blackboard and show us the formula for the area of a circle?' he asks our engineer.

Standing at the blackboard, he suddenly realizes he can't for the life of him remember the formula; while a bit rusty, he soon figures out how to reason it out - furiously writing out integrals on the blackboard, only to find the area of a circle is -(pi)*r^2.

Minus? How did a negative enter into it, he thinks, going over his calculations once again. No, still gets the same result. Sweat building, he turns away from the blackboard for a moment, turning to the other plumbers watching.

As in one voice, they all whisper -'Comrade, you must switch the limits to the integral!'

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#482

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A similar joke I heard recently: A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter…

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...malfunction disabled... aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment... ....The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a buildin…

I have to note that this pilot is always getting into technical problems, and seems to know all the software companies in Seattle and how they are likely to respond - conclusion - the helicopter pilot is a project manager.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#484
The GNU Humour [0] collection may be of interest. Also Dylan Beattie has done some great songs on YouTube [1] (I especially like 'Bug in the JavaScript' and 'You Give REST a Bad Name')

Here's a couple I remember from somewhere:

SEO expert walks into a bar...

...tavern, pub, taproom, alcohol, beer, wine, vodka...

Also, tangentially related:

A farmer wants to section off part of his field with a fixed length of fence. He is unsure what the best strategy is so he unwisely calls the local university, who send an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician.

The engineer makes a circle with the fence, declaring it to have the greatest area for any given perimeter length.

The physicist makes a straight line as far as the eye can see in either direction, and says that, to all intents and purposes, it goes all the way around the world and he has fenced in half the world.

The mathematician fences off a tiny one metre area around himself, and says "I declare myself to be on the outside".

[0] https://www.gnu.org/fun/humor.en.html

[1] https://www.youtube.com/user/dylanhat

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#486

One of my all time favorites. Can’t remember where I first read it (Quora?), but it’s currently my top Google hit for “balloon programmer project manager joke”. [0] ============ A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend. I would meet him half an hour ago, but I…

It sounds like they're in the middle of the Atlantic? Have I got it wrong, I must have because the programmer is supposed to be standing in a field. Wait - are they dead and in heaven!?!

Maybe a bug in a joke, perhaps the coordinates need fixing.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#488
post #156

A programmer walks into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says I'll give you a drink if you tell me a programmer joke. And he says: a programmer walks into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says I'll give you a drink if you tell me a programmer joke. And he says: a programmer walks into a bar and ask for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

Now the programmer just waits till the stack blows up to get his free drink.

Or whether the tale is optimised

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#489
post #214

Someone else got downvoted to oblivion for this, though it deserves to be higher because it’s a classic: “I know a UDP joke, but I’m not sure you’ll get it”.

Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke. Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke? Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke. OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke. OK, I'll hear a TCP joke. Are you ready to hear a TCP joke? Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke. OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline. OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will la…

"I would tell you a joke about UDP, but you probably wouldn't get it."
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