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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

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Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#481
post #464

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you flag something, please don't also comment that you did. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Noted. On the other hand, I've always thought that opprobrium was most effective when paired with an explanation of what warrants it. In any case, I'll remain mindful of the guideline in future.

I speculate that the rule for no comments on flagged items is a form of quarantine.

Kind of like a poisoned well: the water / text is so toxic that nothing good can come of even being near it.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#482

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't act like this. Literally become a different person before interacting online again.

If he can't suffer through two more years of work after coming this far then I have no sympathy for him. He should be ashamed of himself for even posting this question. Be a man!

Personal attacks are a bannable offense on HN. Please don't post like this again.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#483

Agree. Suck it up, buttercup. Quitting is the only real certain way to screw up what you've built. Go find an executive coach and get yourself some help.

We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14423015 and marked it off-topic.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#484
post #423

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>blow you till your head pops Gross. Please practice better analogies. Edit: and the implication that sexual favors are the way a wife can support her husband... Geez...

Jesus Christ, do you guys live life or do you just watch other people do it. Let me lay it out for you. Founder gets busy, wife is understanding that his libido is down. Wife understands that sex (which releases oxytocin - pair bonding chemical) + connection could help founder. Wife gives founder incentive to reconnect. Founder is re-energized as a result. This is what a supportive wife could do.

> Jesus Christ, do you guys live life or do you just watch other people do it.

We ban accounts that post uncivilly like this, so would you please edit it out of your comments here?

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#485
post #321

I have not been a founder of any company so I can't comment on that part. But I can strongly related to this part - "what it would be like to work at Wal Mart, or the construction site outside, or as a bagger at a grocery store" I am a passionate web developer but a few months ago, I had these exact same thoughts mainly about switching to a low stress job. Later I realised that I needed a break badly and the monotono…

I have these thoughts too, and then realise basically all jobs suck at some level. If they didn't suck, people wouldn't need paying to do them.

May be most do if you look at them from one person's perspective. The point here is to try something else for a change until you figure out whether you want to go back to doing something you liked earlier or moving on.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#486
Sounds to me like the problem is managing stress due to a lack of healthy growth. You are lacking leadership fundamentals guiding you in your life and career. Leadership is about awareness, knowledge, experience and skills in growing roles and responsibilities. That's a trite summary, but in short we are individual contributors, team managers, managers of teams, managers of managers, or organization leaders. We grow throughout these stages and healthy growth means not too fast and not too slow, but at a rate where we develop the experience and master the skills necessary to level up. Often we take on roles before we have the skills to do so, and when this keeps happening the damage piles up and eventually comes back to haunt you. That sounds like where you are now.

In your post when you say you want to do something menial it says that you want to go back to the level of individual contributor. It means in moving past that role you didn't master something to prepare you for the next level and/or what you are doing at your current level is not commensurate with your skills and experience. That means what you are required to do in your role on a daily basis is beneath you or beyond you. Something is not consistent between your level/roles and responsibilities and your experience or else you wouldn't have a problem.

Healthy growth keeps you engaged and moving forward at a rate consistent not with your wants but with your needs. You may not like doing something but that doesn't mean you have developed enough to move past doing it. You may like doing something but that doesn't mean someone at your level should be doing it.

When you get stressed by something. It means you haven't mastered managing stress associated with tackling problems at that level. It may also mean that the organization is requiring you do things a person at your level should not be doing. Either way you shouldn't be getting stressed, you should be taking the appropriate action for someone at your level -- developing what you are lacking to manage stress (awareness, knowledge, experience and skills) or doing what needs to be done so someone at the appropriate level deals with things you shouldn't be.

In short leadership of the company is mess. Most companies are because few understand the most basic principles I've vaguely described here. If you're getting stressed you need to understand why. Look at the levels I've described and start asking yourself in each role/level what stresses you out. That's where you failed to grow as you moved up, and where you need develop your experience and skills before you can move forward.

Stress management and awareness are two of the most difficult things to master because of how entwined they are. Don't listen to anyone telling you to do drugs to manage stress or emotions. Instead, start by getting physical exercise. Go for a long walk alone regularly. It does wonders. It gives you time to reflect and think and plan. Getting the blood flowing physically allows the body to do what it does to manage stress chemically. If you need to do more, then level up your physical exercise to something more strenuous and active, but most people don't find walking to be a burden and can motivate themselves to go for a walk. It will address the most basic physical needs and buy you the time to reflect and address what mentally causes you stress.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#487
I was in a start-up (as an expensive hire) some years ago where each day was horrible, and I thought I was suffering terrible 'flu. The day the board flew in to fire me* and I stepped out into the sunshine the 'flu lifted instantly. Stress not 'flu in other words, which is I suspect is where you are. The crying was probably good, and supports my suggestion!

And when you're that deep in stress it's even more difficult than usual to see a way out, to be rational, to separate the short-term from the long-term.

I wasn't even a founder, and I have been founder of a handful of start-ups now, all with their bad moments.

Can you ease off a bit, get someone else to help out, and get through acquisition? That is, a less binary view than you suggest. I don't think the buyer is likely to want either a dead company or a walking-dead company with a burnt-out founder.

Even the big boys get overwhelmed and stressed out from time to time and have to take a break:

http://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-lloyds-idUKTRE7A10Y62011110...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfina...

And all these years later he's steered Lloyds back into profit and the UK government just disposed of its final shares, also at a nominal profit.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It is probably not an oncoming train.

But you need to give yourself a chance to get some perspective.

*I did point out as a contractor that all they had to do was pay me up to the end of the day and say goodbye and I'd be happy. And I got to leave at noon. Bonus half day. The company did less well, but that's another story...

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#488

Take a vacation, preferably to a beach. Use it to learn what processes at your company are dependent on you. Then when you get back, start documenting and delegating every process until you are no longer a critical dependency. Then take another, longer vacation. Sounds like you need one.

The problem here is the founder thinks he / she is so indispensable that it would fail if he quit. So taking a week off for vacation is likely to just lead to more stress. However, the longer vacation is good advice. When I was severely burned out at a previous job (start-up) I was eventually fired because I couldn't continue the 70 hours a week and have the same, high output as I originally did when I started (I was…

Vacation/holiday is not something that I particularly enjoy (and thus by extension the OP may not): I like what I do and want to keep doing it a reasonable pace.

But taking a break from the stressor, and/or delegating some of the work and stress, yes.

IMHO

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#489
post #484
post #423

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Jesus Christ, do you guys live life or do you just watch other people do it. Let me lay it out for you. Founder gets busy, wife is understanding that his libido is down. Wife understands that sex (which releases oxytocin - pair bonding chemical) + connection could help founder. Wife gives founder incentive to reconnect. Founder is re-energized as a result. This is what a supportive wife could do.

> Jesus Christ, do you guys live life or do you just watch other people do it. We ban accounts that post uncivilly like this, so would you please edit it out of your comments here?

Unfortunately, I can't edit it now but I will refrain from doing it. Sorry about that.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#490

(source: I've twice left my own companies- both companies continued to grow and prosper after I left). Personally, I'd suck it up and get the sale done, working hard to make the price as front-loaded as possible. Depending on the buyers appetite for you to keep working there you could: A) Suggest that you're excited to stay with the business, but if they feel there'd be too many chefs in the kitchen and that you shou…

Please do not advise people who are clearly depressed to take mushrooms. Always remember that whats an elixir for may be poison for others. Yes, mushrooms do help anxieties BUT it is also known that if you are not in a good mental state, you can have bad trip and a bad trip... is not going to be relieving any anxiety, it will make it worse. That said, maybe Microdosing is okay. I agree with all of your other points b…

If you want to delete your comment lower down, you should do it soon. There is a fairly short deadline.
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