Ask HN: How to be alone?

I like your post and the last line is really key.

When we are young we hear versions of this (e.g. "have to love yourself first") and despite the trite or pithy phrasings of it, it contains a truth.

We shouldn't conflate not being partnered with being alone. There is so much else socially we need to cultivate whether it is family, friends, coworkers, community, or just being in the world and talking to a stranger.

If all this feels sad or empty because of the breakup, that's ok. FEEL IT. The only way out is through. Feel it, don't numb it, try to find gratitude for the pain because it will lead you to where you need to be. The darkness and the light, etc.

And when you arrive in a place where you no longer feel you need a partner to complete you or make your day feel meaningful, is the time you are ready to have a partner again.

don't problematize it. you get target lock from that and it will derail you from the things you enjoy.

the real questions are:

- what would you like? - what would you do if you wouldn't fail?

I live in the proverbial cottage in the woods, have for years now, more Thoreau's Walden than Kaczinsky's cabin by far. The solitude is the most precious thing.

I chop a lot of wood, practice classical music, walk my dog and ride horses. I sit by a fire year round a couple times a week. Some years I do a garden. I'm in constant training in arts.

I also have a pretty intense job (security) that benefits from being able to walk and have lunch by the river in a forest.

The things I tend to avoid because they are degrading to the human spirit are:

- political accounts

- dating sites

- mainstream news

- social media

- exurbs

- franchises or big box anything

- microsoft anything

- shelf stable foods

it's only a problem if you make it one.

Be kind to others, but start with being kind to yourself.

Hiking helped me a bunch, I suspect any combination of sunshine and exercise would have helped, but that helped me. It also helped by allowing me to be a guide of sorts for old friends I had lost touch with, who were looking to step their toes into nature.

Find a hobby, find people that do that hobby, and talk to them in the real world. Maybe don't even try to get anything else from them except conversations about that hobby.

Get used to going out alone, goto the diner, movies, concerts, the beach. Just being out around people is huge. I think the sneakiest downside of remote work is the lost of all the little human interactions you get from being out. Things smiling at someone while holding the door, or getting annoyed at someone for not walking fast enough, is huge.

We are not meant to be alone all the time, even if you hate people, its still good for you to remember why you hate them.

I'm not the parent comment, but their username suggests they're in The Netherlands or Flemish Belgium.

Small bars and cafes around the corner are _very_ common here. Even the smallest villages have at least one or two local watering holes. It's incredibly easy to sit down at the bar, strike up a small conversation with the bartender, and have a beer or two. You make friends in no time. Most of them shallow, but a few of them turn out to be lifelong "true" friends.

For instance, I just drove a friend of mine and his sister-in-law to Schiphol Airport this morning, because I had a meeting in Amsterdam today so I had to drive out there anyway (we're on the other side of the country). I've known this man for the better part of ten years. Met him at my local bar, or "stamkroeg" as we call it.