Ask HN: How did you stop drinking?

I've always described drinking as “borrowing happiness from tomorrow, sometimes at a high interest rate”.

But like any debt that might actually feel like a good deal at the time, and might actually be a good deal sometimes. And even if it isn't a good deal, if you are someone with a dependency or addiction realising this isn't simple (and even if you realise, taking action (or not) based on that realisation is often far from easy).

Regrets in hindsight are not very effective at moderating behaviour once a physical addiction or phycological (including social) dependency has set in.

The good therapist discouraged me from worrying too much about using a drink at the end of the day as a tool to unwind (I was considering quitting alcohol to try to help my anxiety).

Therapy can be great, but it's not a commodity. Success is highly correlated to a strong relationship between patient and therapist, and finding that is very challenging for me and others I've discussed that with.

Something that I found really effective was quitting caffeine the same day I stopped drinking. I went from drinking 6+ drinks most nights and 6-7 cups of coffee a day to nothing. First three weeks were terrible, drank 6-8 cups of strong chamomile tea throughout the day to help curb anxiety, kept candy around to deal with the sugar cravings. Throughout the year when I would get a craving to drink I'd have a coffee or energy drink and that usually altered my mood enough to satisfy the craving for a drink. Hard part there is not to allow caffeine to become a daily habit and keep it as a break glass. Around 5-6 months I found there was a big jump in mental clarity, after 10 months I hardly think about drinking.

Around the same time I quit I started getting up at 5am instead of 9am, I'm not very productive in the morning, some days I get some exercise or chores in but most days I just sit around on my phone until I start working around 8 or 9(phone addiction is my next vice to work on). This allows me to fall asleep by 10 and prevent the late night boredom which often lead to drinking. Having a fitness goal will help and you'll see how much easier it is to achieve without being hungover most of the week.

For social events I show up an hour or two late. By this point people have a few drinks in them and there's less pressure to drink to get conversation going since the work is done for you. Not perfect but it helps.

Alcoholics Anonymous, https://aa.org/

Alcohol Detox Resource, https://addictionrehabtreatment.com/alcohol/alcohol-detox/

American Addiction Centers, https://americanaddictioncenters.org/

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/

Lily’s Place, https://www.lilysplace.org/

Self-Management And Recovery Training, https://www.smartrecovery.org/

or call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration helpline:https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/

1-800-662-HELP (4357).

1. Do not drink alone. Just make this rule. No sitting at home and putting away a 12-pack. You seem to be ok for weeks. So challenge yourself to a 3-week limit, put it on your calendar. Pick a nice, upscale bar, dress up and treat yourself.

2. Start waking up early. For extra credit before sunrise. Get out of bed. Go for a walk in the chill of the morning. Feel that air in your lungs. Just do this.

3. Loose the friends. This is the hard one. They are not your friends. You help them feel secure in their lack of agency over their lives. Just very very slowly start being less available. And here is the opportunity to gauge who is a good friend - "I am making a change, lets meet for a walk/movie/museum instead of the bar". The ones who berate this path, loose them.

4. Of the few people remaining from step #3. Appoint someone as overwatch. There will be a time you will be like "fuck it" and get yourself a bottle of wine, 12-pack or whatever. Call or text this person for overwatch request. Take a video of you pouring the booze down the sink. And send it.

5. Finally, remember what Tony Stark said to Peter Parker -- if you are nothing without the suit, then you shouldn't have it.

Epilogue: Guilt. This is the worst thing. All our learning is based on institutional guilt. Tests. Grades. Evaluations. Re-imagine yourself as in third person. Your body is a resource. And you are equipping it. Guilt is rear view mirror stuff and a poor motivator.

What will happen with you is this. You will fall in love with early mornings. You will have time in the morning to do something you truly endear. You will trust yourself with this block of time and this capacity will overflow into all aspects of your life. And in about 6 months' time, you will dress up, you will go to the nice bar, order that drink and very very likely just walk away from it.

Good luck and godspeed.