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Ask HN: Are you depressed?

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441–450 of 512 posts

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#441

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

Do you think your gf leaving you was bcoz u lost your job and could contribute anymore...sorry for asking this...but I see this happen a few times these past years...friend loses job...months later gf leaves...I am beginning to think those incels are on to something..

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#442

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find that Reddit sucks the joy out of my day. There's just something about that site.

I noticed the same a few years back. Now I only interact with Reddit through Apollo (iOS app) which allows me to add heavy filters, removing most subreddits and removing posts containing certain keywords. Anytime I see any FUD content on a subreddit I block it, which includes all political subreddits and almost all big subreddits. In addition I have a time limit set on my phone to avoid looking at it too frequently,…

I was interested in reading politics but not Trump stuff. Adding a Trump filter in /r/politics removed 95% of all posts on the front page. It's wild

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#443

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wish we could drop the word 'vulnerable'; that's what a gazelle is before a lion rips its head off. The OP was open and honest rather than vulnerable. If we want equality and open dialogue, we have to be careful to make our language inclusive. 'Vulnerable' is associated with being weak for some people and isn't an inclusive word. I don't consider myself vulnerable when I share something close to my heart. I would n…

I think it's a very constructive word. Because in this world; very often, making yourself emotionally vulnerable DOES expose one to some pretty horrible abuse, if you do it in the wrong setting. And it often ends up making the problem worse, prolonging or even preventing recovery. We'd really like to live in a world where people are not driven to attack each other when they are down. But unfortunately, that's not the…

You can be closed and still be emotionally vulnerable. Openness is not vulnerability. In fact, if you're open, you've either processed, you might be very stable/strong, or you have people around you to be open with - a safety net.

So yes, let's drop the "vulnerability" word.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#444
post #128

Remote work is not for me. I'm struggling pretty hard. I miss people. I miss my sense of being good at the parts of work that involved people. I'm shit at working alone. I'm not productive like some are, and all my best assets were how I could support people around me and help them love what they were doing. All I have left of work are the parts that make me feel badly every day. Fuck this pandemic.

Same here. I am extroverted (for a SWE) and bad at staying focused when nobody is around to peek at my screen. Work at a company where everything needs to be signed off, things need to always be clearly communicated, etc. so constantly having to context switch projects while I’m blocked on waiting for someone else to stop ignoring me.

The one thing that makes me happy about my current job is fixing support tickets. But nobody in my management chain really cares about it so it’s pretty much just a work-hobby. Ironically that makes it much more enjoyable because nobody else (managers, tls, product managers, etc.) will take credit for my work and I don't have to get signoff on every little thing.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#445

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her" Well, there is a bright side to it. If you would have married and it was about to break soon after, you would have the joy of a legal divorce now on top of it. Instead you are free to find someone new. Possibly better fitting. The world is full of women and other awesome people, you can still connect with. A…

I think dismissing the end of a 13 year relationship with the "plenty of fish in the sea" argument and saying "stop wasting your time" is probably not what OP needs to hear right now.

Well, if after 13 years of relationship he planned a marriage and did not noticed his girlfriend planning to leave, there was probably something deeply wrong with that relationship in the first place. A marriage would not have likely not changed that, only cemented. Probably also nothing what he wants to hear, but maybe what he needs to hear. Truth can hurt.

Alternative is digging into self loathing of how he should have proposed earlier to make it work, etc.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#446
post #292

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I lost my father some back too, though he lived longer, I can relate. Hit me up, my email is in my profile, would love to connect

Thank you for the support, it means a lot! I couldn't find your email though :/

Sorry, just added

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#447
post #419

Well yeah. At the start of covid, I was dealing with ptsd from a difficult childhood.. and after some time with a good therapist (for once) I've managed to work past a lot of issues, and finally built up the courage to come out as transgender. Now I'm working with an endocrinologist on transitioning to female with hormone replacement therapy. Now I've been queer in intolerant environments before, but I have been pret…

I implore you to reconsider.

I was "supportive" of my friend who came out as trans. I regret this. Like the vast majority of men, he never had a realistic chance of passing, especially since he did not start taking hormones until his mid-twenties. It was a sad delusion, and I was one of many who enabled it. For me, it was the path of least resistance: I didn't want to lose my friend. I wish I had just told him my true feelings, because now he's gone anyway.

My friend followed the classic progression. He had childhood trauma and was never successful with girls. He was depressed and anxious and bitter. Slowly, strangers on the internet with anime avatars sold him on the fantasy that transitioning could solve his problems. He fell for the meme. And I have no doubt that it did help, for a while. It gave him a community that constantly reassured him that he was doing the right thing. Coming out as trans was scary, but it made him feel brave and unique. It made him feel like he was finally reasserting some control over his life.

He had a decent shot at a normal life. Over time, his dating prospects would have improved. He might have had a family. I know that he would have made a good father. Now that future is gone forever. Because after the initial euphoria fades, grim reality sets in. No one showers you with praise anymore. The honeymoon is over, and the depression and anxiety are still there. There is nothing left to do but chase the dragon: FFS, VFS, SRS...each surgery gets you some attention and support again, but eventually there are no surgeries left to perform, and you have to face the prospect of living in this body for the rest of your life.

I'm sorry to be harsh. But I swore that I would never be complicit in this process again. It is a mark of a truly sick society, and our descendants will look upon it with a mixture of disgust and disbelief. I pray that you come to see your situation clearly before it is too late.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#448

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

Sorry to hear that. Two things that I've seen help, I mean actually help, are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and for me reading great Stoic philosophers like Seneca and Marcus Aurelius. You have to learn to be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself or you will always feel bad. You are as valuable, indeed more valuable to yourself, as anyone on this planet from your perspective. Learn to love what you have -now-. If you live in the past and the future all the time you will always be miserable in the now. It may be trite, but it's as true now as it was 2000 years ago. I had almost this same converation with a friend last night who is tearing himself apart trying to keep his relationship together along with a crazy work schedule. Walk it all back, shut it down, and take care of yourself and your means of supporting yourself during a recovery. Volunteering to help the homeless on the weekends, helping someone else with projects, anything to get yourself out of the rut. If I can do it anyone can.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#449
post #46
post #6

I want a "I don't know" tick.

One of my friends went to a psychiatrist for ADHD symptoms and he got diagnosed with depression. He was like, “I didn’t know I was depressed!”

If he didn't know he was depressed maybe he isn't? There's no reason to believe two psychiatrists would provide the same diagnosis.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#450
Depression comes from sadness about events occurring in your life that you can not control or from when you got what you thought you always wanted and it turned out to not make you happy.

While it is possible to numb the pain with mindful thoughts or even medicine. And these have their place to lead us to an even better solution. The underlying issue will remain. But there is a master, someone in control. If you can, relinquish your life to the unseen hand. Look humbly to Jesus, who is Lord, and he won't turn you away.

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