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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#431

Post by ogou »

davidjhall wrote: post #291
ogou wrote: post #117

Yes. I turned my life around at 43. Single, obsolete tech skills, lots of debt, personal issues. Began with taking a genuine inventory of my life and how I function, not just how I felt. I picked a constructive and structured approach to that, which looked a lot like CBT therapy but was something else. It was a life reset, clearing out all the baggage. It was very difficult but incremental and genuine over time. Afte…

What commercial classes did you take to level up? Were they Coursera, Udacity or university classes?

I was trying to learn bankable React, but ended up learning much more. Udacity for the first Typescript and React courses, but they weren't made very well. I started (gasp) reading the documentation for many libraries and followed a few rabbit holes. A couple of months completing official tutorials I got lost and frustrated.

What put me over the top was a Frontend Masters subscription. By far the best value and flat monthly rate for all. Superior video courses for React/Typescript, but also advanced courses lower in the stack for Node, MongoDb, and an advanced javascript course. They have others I want to go back to, like web audio. I also took the dev interview and algorithm testing courses, which were super helpful.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#432

Post by caddemon »

pknomad wrote: post #218
throwawayhealth wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A therapist is helpful but I would also suggest seeing a psychiatrist. Clinical depression and mood issues need to be treated with medication. I would recommend finding a psychiatrist and get a referral for therapist from them if you are able to. You would be able to work together with both medication and theraphy to get better. It will take bit of a time to get better but don't be discouraged, OP. Progress will be s…

You're absolutely right that a therapy isn't THE solution to depression but I feel like it's a good starting point. A good therapist should be able to recognize if OP should be seeing a psychiatrist who then can prescribe the appropriate medication for managing his/her condition.

A halfway decent psychiatrist will also handle therapist referral. I don't see any issue with seeing a psychiatrist first, it's not like they just automatically hand out a prescription. It's actually way more common to see GPs do that for depression in the US.

That said, OP should probably look into both himself, see what the wait time and cost differences are between the two routes in his area.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#433

Post by theredfury »

A lot of people have mentioned therapy. Definitely second that. One area that I haven’t seen emphasized enough is exercise (maybe I haven’t read enough of the comments). Exercise has helped me so much with regards to depression and anxiety. And don’t pay attention to 1-hour high intensity classes or any other aggressive workout programs, just start small. 5-10 minutes a day and work up. I promise, it might be uncomfortable if you don’t already exercise in some capacity, but getting in shape physically will help make you feel better mentally.

Lastly, I don’t have great sources to link, but I’ve heard numerous people talk about their 40s being fantastic. I hope yours are too, at some point.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#434

Post by n0dar »

bowsamic wrote: post #81
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

Unfortunately finding a therapist in Germany is near impossible even in a big city, I’ve been on the waiting list for almost a year now with no sign of end and I live in Hamburg which is one of the richest cities in Germany

Also living in Hamburg. Have you tried 116117.app to at least get a first appointment? I got lists and lists full of phone numbers, always got rejected or waitlisted, but found a therapist quite quickly near me using this first talk. Nobody told me about this, had to search a lot. I hope this helps.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#435

Post by transreal »

I know what you’re going through. I am part of a community of men who have the tools to help you live a good life. I’m in my 40s too and you got here by lots of small beliefs and decisions and we help each other change these so we can live in joy and gratitude instead of bitterness and disappointment. It’s not a magic bullet, and it might take time, but all it takes is a desire to change and willingness to participate. If you are interested email me at the address in my profile. It is never too late to live a fulfilling life.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#436

Post by ieisbeieieb »

soheil wrote: post #245
js8 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I second that, I would suggest move to a larger city and get a job and therapist there (looks like the OP is from Germany, which I would personally prefer to US). And regarding to life goals, wife and kids in particular, although I have decided not to have a family, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I think there are many single mothers out there who would appreciate a stable and solid partner with 2nd inco…

I mean I don't know why people keep saying it's too late to have kids if you're 43. You could have a 20 year old by age 65, which is the time you could retire and have them move out after they get a job.

I had my child at 45. I recommend earlier if you can but in my case it’s been amazing.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#439

Post by halkony »

vjulian wrote: post #336
soheil wrote: post #322

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> No offense to the reply, but “need a therapist” is a very American response and a bit of a cop out. Why? I'd change it to "need a psychiatrist".

I don’t follow your last sentence. Why? Because it is a very American approach that is less the norm elsewhere. Therapy is not an industry to such a degree necessarily in other countries. Cop-out because it is akin to RTFM, ‘go Google it’, ‘delete and re-install’. If one doesn’t have a personal viewpoint, why bother responding.

Psychiatrists differ from therapists in the US because they can prescribe meds. Antidepressants, ADHD meds, etc. Not sure what his point is though.

I understand your frustration with the "go to therapy" response. Even in the US there is a dismissive undertone to comments like this. The reality is that the people who get the most out of therapy already have a positive outlook on its benefits.

Therapy doesn't fix anyone directly -- it gives a people a vehicle to look for ways to fix themselves by talking to a non-judgmental arbiter. People that have already done that tend to take it for granted and obviously there's a ton of variance in results/quality of therapeutic conversation.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#440

Post by 2-718-281-828 »

I feel like I'm at an upward trajectory at the moment. I'm also NEET but as of now intentionally and also traveling. I meditate every day (pranayama, vipassana, zen), I work out every day, I do yoga every day, I eat healthy every day, I don't do drugs except for alcohol and that in moderation, I stopped watching porn more than a month ago, I stopped picking the skin on my nail beds finally also about a month ago, I do my best to learn what is good for me and what is harmful and then I do my best to do more of what's good and less of what's bad. Suicidal ideation - yes - but also almost gone for a while now. My convenient situation - traveling - having all the time for those things and being able to avoid the daily ordeal of working - will end in about two months. I hope I'll be able to integrate all or some of it back into "regular" life. But if I don't - I feel like I can basically copy paste your text to the T in a few years - when I myself will be in my 40s.

But what I can give you as advice is to break away from this idea that the "best part" of your life is over and you need to "salvage" something. Living happy is always about being present in the present. Age does not matter from that perspective! And you also seem like somebody who is detached from your spiritual needs - I think that's where you have to start looking. There are many inspirational interviews and talks to be found online by Eckhart Tolle, Gabor Mate and so on.

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