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Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

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Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#431

Post by smileysteve »

patwolf wrote: post #180
joshka wrote: post #16

Not maxing out retirement savings early in my career. Compound interest FTW.

If it makes you feel any better, I read a clickbait article this week on why young people shouldn't save for their retirement. The gist is that they can easily make up the difference in their high-earning older years, so it's not worth the sacrifice of trying to save in their low-earning years, especially when the market is flat. I don't necessarily agree, but it is a perspective I hadn't heard before.

This seems to assume 2 things;

1) that your spending needs won't increase as your salary does.

2) that your salary meaningfully increases over time (more true for the top 15% than for 85% of others)

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#432

Post by pixelmonkey »

camjohnson26 wrote: post #201
waterfallr wrote: post #60

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way.”. Søren Kierkegaard

Worth noting Kierkegaard never married

That historical detail is actually somewhat irrelevant to the quote. This is from "Either/Or" and Kierkegaard was making a point about the nature of decision-making and regret, not about marriage. The fuller quote:

"If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it; if you marry or if you do not marry, you will regret both. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will also regret it; whether you laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a girl, you will regret it; if you do not believe her, you will also regret it; if you believe a girl or you do not believe her, you will regret both. [...] This, gentlemen, is the sum of all practical wisdom."

And later:

"Were I to wish for anything I would not wish for wealth and power, but for the passion of the possible, that eye which everywhere, ever young, ever burning, sees possibility. Pleasure disappoints, not possibility."

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#433

Post by cmt123 »

MrDresden wrote: post #100

My father was a alcoholic, who had long stretches of staying sober before always falling of the wagon again. After he had been on a particularly long bender, which finally caused my mother to divorce him, me and him had a verbal fight where I decided I would not have more to do with him until he would seek the help we knew he needed (and we had been offering him for so long). I'll add that he was a moody drunk, never…

I understand completely and feel the same way about my own father.

My dad was also an episodic alcoholic. He'd go months without any issues, then disappear for three days on a binge. He'd drink such a massive amount of alcohol he'd have to go onto a IV drip.

My 16 year old self became so disgusted by him I refused to tell him I loved him and shunned him. We tried to give him the "tough love" we thought he needed so that he would "hit bottom" and then take some control back. It didn't work, and he ended up dying alone in a hotel room.

I now see that he needed more love and support instead of tough love and isolation. I wish I had been more patient, understanding, and supportive.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#434

Post by 727564797069706 »

bloqs wrote: post #53

To everyone in this thread, a piece of advice I didn't initially believe but over many years I have understood more: "everyone loses 10 years to something, somewhere along the line"

Wow, it’s crazy to hear that as a person who has recently become aware of first such occasion at 31 years old.

Thanks for sharing!

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#435

Post by russellbeattie »

bloqs wrote: post #53

To everyone in this thread, a piece of advice I didn't initially believe but over many years I have understood more: "everyone loses 10 years to something, somewhere along the line"

Wow. That makes me feel so much better!! Seriously. 2011 to 2021 were those years for me. I've beat myself up over not making forward progress in life, if not regressing, for an entire decade. The idea that there's a saying about it is somehow comforting (assuming of course that the decade is now over). It's like when you stop and realize that "existential crisis" is a cliche phrase because so many others have experienced it as well, for centuries.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#436

Post by regret »

I often say, that I only regret two things in life: Not having more kids (only have 2, they are 7 years apart, I would love to have like 3 more kids in that period). Second is getting a tattoo. I got it because I wanted to be "unique". I still enjoy being unique, that's why I regret it now.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#437

Post by nvarsj »

koonsolo wrote: post #388
nvarsj wrote: post #123

Letting anxiety control my life for so long. Marrying the wrong person because I didn’t want to be alone. Not going into the game industry. I was too afraid of the horror stories at the time, so ignored my passion.

Why can't you still try to get into the game industry?

Good question. I guess I have made some assumptions about it that I still hold onto. Like, it will be less pay with longer hours. Not really in a great spot right now to career switch either.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#438

Post by russellbeattie »

ravenstine wrote: post #321

I regret not having more emotional maturity at an earlier age. What a lot of people don't know about ADHD is that with it comes a likelihood of a delay in emotional maturity that leads to behavior that's not age appropriate. When looking back at my life, I can identify several times where I was behaving in a way that might have been expected of a child a few years younger than I was but wasn't appropriate for my actu…

Make sure you're not confusing ADHD with having bipolar type II. The hypomanic periods (a less intense form of mania) seem like ADHD, but the root cause and treatment is different. I've been misdiagnosed for a couple decades and earlier this year finally got the proper meds. The change has been so revelatory, I mention this any time I see someone talking about how much ADHD has affected their lives on the off chance it helps someone. Check it out.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#439

Post by WheelsAtLarge »

MrDresden wrote: post #100

My father was a alcoholic, who had long stretches of staying sober before always falling of the wagon again. After he had been on a particularly long bender, which finally caused my mother to divorce him, me and him had a verbal fight where I decided I would not have more to do with him until he would seek the help we knew he needed (and we had been offering him for so long). I'll add that he was a moody drunk, never…

Generally, this is the type of regret I finally came to terms with. The bottom line is that you did not know the future when you made the initial decision. After the fact you have the information that would have made a difference but we CAN'T, no mater how hard we try, foretell the future. What you are are actually regretting is a fantasy. Look at the world around you and you'll see many places where you wished you could have made a better decision but you can't be upset over them. Again you can't know what the future will be. None of us can so don't beat yourself over something you had no control over. Additionally, in your case, changing someone is not possible unless they want to change. You can only learn from the situation and hope to make a better choice in the future.
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