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Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

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Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#431

Post by obarthelemy »

plutonorm wrote: post #344
NeutralCrane wrote: post #254

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No offense, but I mean this, earnestly: get over yourself. If you talk to a person, and the conversation is dull, they might be a boring person. If most of the people you talk to seem boring, then you are the boring person . You bemoan that you find almost everyone a "paper shell". And yet you are the one who has restricted your opinion of interesting people and topics with a PhD attached to it. You dismiss pursuits…

I think everyone is being a little rude and reactionary here. People enjoy what they enjoy, it's not ok to demand that they change. Suppose you lived in a world where everyone was obsessed with Pokemon. No one talked about anything else. Everyone around you had the mind of a 10 year old, in terms of intellectual and emotional development. How would you feel, could you really feel like you belonged? There are people o…

But then, I'm not calling others idiots for not liking the same topics as me, which is what OP is doing, so the pushback nis warranted in this instance.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#432

Post by VvR-Ox »

lookathrwaway wrote: post #77
whiddershins wrote: post #19

“How to win friends and influence people” is an absolutely wonderful book I wished I’d read 10 or 15 years before I did. Some important ideas - Just, get along with people. A bit reductionist but if you don’t place a high priority on getting along with people you certainly won’t learn how. It really is a habit, and it’s incredibly effective to remember the Cognitive Behavior insight that when you don’t get along with…

Throw away for obvious reasons. I find almost everyone intensely boring. How am I supposed to get along with people without feeling like a complete fraud? Small talk, feigning interest in kids, in sports, in wine, in whatever useless dull, pedestrian thing a coworker is into. I find that anyone who isn't a PhD (or could easily have been if they hadn't gone into industry) might as well be a paper shell. I can put on a…

You sound like the typical "science guy" who thinks he is the smartest person on earth because: PhD.

Of course all others are "below you" but you know what?

THIS is your blind spot (let this be told to you by people who understand humans much better than you ever will). In science I've seen a lot guys who think like this and the most of them struggle hard to organize their own life.

If you'd be less arrogant you'd see how interesting and fun live can be and how people you now consider "waste of oxygen" might surprise you again and again with their skills and points of view.

I deeply wish that you can overcome this and be happy in your life some day.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#433

Post by somedaysoonenuf »

How to listen to people: Realizing that there is something all people need, and that is to be heard. You can use the skill of listening to people to have an advantage in any situation.

I think I learned this best in workshops on effective communication, where we could role play.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#435

Post by VvR-Ox »

michaelmior wrote: post #239
lookathrwaway wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Throw away for obvious reasons. I find almost everyone intensely boring. How am I supposed to get along with people without feeling like a complete fraud? Small talk, feigning interest in kids, in sports, in wine, in whatever useless dull, pedestrian thing a coworker is into. I find that anyone who isn't a PhD (or could easily have been if they hadn't gone into industry) might as well be a paper shell. I can put on a…

> I find religiosity I find it interesting that you seem to contrast religiosity with your definition of intelligence. In my experience, the two are not inversely correlated. Disclaimer: I have a PhD in computer science and I am a practicing Christian, so I'm clearly biased here :)

In my experience intelligent people don't believe in gods.

They take responsibility for their own actions, thoughts and speech.

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#436

Post by michaelmior »

VvR-Ox wrote: post #435
michaelmior wrote: post #239

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I find religiosity I find it interesting that you seem to contrast religiosity with your definition of intelligence. In my experience, the two are not inversely correlated. Disclaimer: I have a PhD in computer science and I am a practicing Christian, so I'm clearly biased here :)

In my experience intelligent people don't believe in gods. They take responsibility for their own actions, thoughts and speech.

The two things are not mutually exclusive. By believing in God, I don't abdicate responsibility for my actions, thoughts and speech. On the contrary, I feel my beliefs give me a stronger responsibility over those things. However, I also believe that I am incapable of anything good of my own accord and only by the work of Jesus Christ within me.

Side note: Donald Knuth is also a Christian. You can read some of his musings in "Things a Computer Scientist Rarely Talks About", a sample of which is publicly available. (Unfortunately, I haven't yet devoted the time to read this myself, so I wouldn't consider this an endorsement.)

https://www.amazon.com/Things-Computer-Scientist-Rarely-Lect... http://web.stanford.edu/group/cslipublications/cslipublicati...

Re: Ask HN: What people skills do you wish you learned earlier in your career?

#438

Post by lostjohnny »

michalu wrote: post #157
lostjohnny wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or just be yourself, don't give a f * about what people think and don't be an asshole just for the sake of it. Interacting with people is like driving: you have to avoid crashing into others, but sometimes you make a mistake and others will avoid crashing into you. And wear seat belts.

That's a good advice unless "being yourself" sucks. "Be yourself" is non-advice. It can be both good and terrible advice depending on many factors. Everyone is complex. There are aspects we're comfortable with and others we are not. So you want to improve the latter and stick with the former as long as they work for you, in a sense they help you achieve what you aim for. Some aspects of yourself aren't really working…

> That's a good advice unless "being yourself" sucks. "Be yourself" is non-advice

That's not objective though, "you suck" is entirely subjective, it also depends on context and, in the end, if someone you work with thinks you suck, just talk to them.

> Some aspects of yourself aren't really working in some environments

So change environment, because sooner or later they will show up.

And if you repress them, they will show up amplified.

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