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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#421

Post by mikelyons »

GuB-42 wrote: post #391

As a software developer myself, I always wondered why it is considered a stressful profession. - Most of us aren't going to kill ourselves or others in case we screw up. The stakes may be higher for people working with safety critical systems, but such systems often have multiple safeguards. - Most deadlines and time pressure are completely made up. So what if we don't deliver on time? It is not like the fate of the…

Its stressful for me because I'm running out of youth and I'm never going to find a mate :( The women just aren't attracted to a guy like me, or aren't interested in starting a family so much as poly-amory, drugs, revealing festival costumes, junk media, sex work, alcohol, or anything other than using their youth and looks for hedonism.

Edit: Obviously touchy, people actually have thoughts like this, how do we lovingly and selflessly address this and actually turn someone around rather than shaming them? (or is shame how we do it?)

Edit: How might you communicate about the thoughts that are going on in the head of suicidal tech workers, without everyone assuming that you are the person who is suffering that level of consciousness? maybe a disclaimer was all people would have needed to understand that?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#422

Post by MegaButts »

frereubu wrote: post #405
GuB-42 wrote: post #391

As a software developer myself, I always wondered why it is considered a stressful profession. - Most of us aren't going to kill ourselves or others in case we screw up. The stakes may be higher for people working with safety critical systems, but such systems often have multiple safeguards. - Most deadlines and time pressure are completely made up. So what if we don't deliver on time? It is not like the fate of the…

In general I agree with you. However, I think that the "deadlines and time pressure are completely made up" aspect can actually make things more stressful. An example would be managers not understanding that they're being unrealistic. If you want to get a 100-tonne object from X to Y there are pretty clear parameters and it's easier to push back in understandable terms. If you want to refactor a codebase so you can d…

You can have unrealistic managers in any occupation.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#423

Post by adreamingsoul »

abbadadda wrote: post #420

Am I ok? Kind of. Not really. As a non-throwaway I'll refrain from elaborating. I think a key for me is sleeping well and relieving stress in healthy ways. These healthy stress relievers include exercise and mediation, but I do not engage in them nearly often enough. Writing here is a good reminder to do both. More of a challenge as I grow older is finding those I feel I can speak with openly about anything. These da…

I hope your able to get the sleep you need.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#424

Post by sureste »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

Lots of people already said it, but here it goes: Hang in there buddy, get out of that place. Seriously. Not every boss is like that. Trust us.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#425

Post by jethro_tell »

mikelyons wrote: post #421
GuB-42 wrote: post #391

As a software developer myself, I always wondered why it is considered a stressful profession. - Most of us aren't going to kill ourselves or others in case we screw up. The stakes may be higher for people working with safety critical systems, but such systems often have multiple safeguards. - Most deadlines and time pressure are completely made up. So what if we don't deliver on time? It is not like the fate of the…

Its stressful for me because I'm running out of youth and I'm never going to find a mate :( The women just aren't attracted to a guy like me, or aren't interested in starting a family so much as poly-amory, drugs, revealing festival costumes, junk media, sex work, alcohol, or anything other than using their youth and looks for hedonism. Edit: Obviously touchy, people actually have thoughts like this, how do we loving…

What? I can't tell if this is a joke, but what does that have to do with your job?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#426

Post by jethro_tell »

Waterluvian wrote: post #419
Joe-Z wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is great! I wasn‘t sure if I should try it again after getting hooked in my teens. But now I think I will just sell it as a mental health exercise to myself :D But jokes aside, good to hear you‘re feeling better. I can definitely see how going about the kind of low-effort but very satisfying and immersive activity that is WoW could be helpful for people having problems handling their stress levels. All the best…

Thanks! My wife hypothesizes that it's the act of getting my attention fixed to something dumb enough that my brain can "wind down" before bed. (not that WoW is dumb. But I spend my time fishing and taking photos)

I do the same, when it ramps up like that, I either do an audio book, or read a real book. It's just enough focus for me that my mind doesn't go wild but it's not stimulating enough to keep me awake as I slow down. (Stimulating as in a fast paced movie or video game). I just think about the story, and drift off as I slow down.

It's a major life win for me.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#427

Post by tempay »

GuB-42 wrote: post #391

As a software developer myself, I always wondered why it is considered a stressful profession. - Most of us aren't going to kill ourselves or others in case we screw up. The stakes may be higher for people working with safety critical systems, but such systems often have multiple safeguards. - Most deadlines and time pressure are completely made up. So what if we don't deliver on time? It is not like the fate of the…

Having worked in other fields, I think the difference is that our work is often limited by us. We can always do something more or feel like we should have been faster.

In most other areas the work either runs out or is limited by external factors (ordering parts, other people’s availability, ...).

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#428

Post by codesushi42 »

mikelyons wrote: post #421
GuB-42 wrote: post #391

As a software developer myself, I always wondered why it is considered a stressful profession. - Most of us aren't going to kill ourselves or others in case we screw up. The stakes may be higher for people working with safety critical systems, but such systems often have multiple safeguards. - Most deadlines and time pressure are completely made up. So what if we don't deliver on time? It is not like the fate of the…

Its stressful for me because I'm running out of youth and I'm never going to find a mate :( The women just aren't attracted to a guy like me, or aren't interested in starting a family so much as poly-amory, drugs, revealing festival costumes, junk media, sex work, alcohol, or anything other than using their youth and looks for hedonism. Edit: Obviously touchy, people actually have thoughts like this, how do we loving…

The women... aren't interested in starting a family so much as poly-amory, drugs, revealing festival costumes, junk media, sex work, alcohol

Yeah, it can't be you, it must be them.

Back to the topic. This is what I hate about the tech profession: how it perceives women. It is not healthy.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#429

Post by McAtNite »

mikelyons wrote: post #421
GuB-42 wrote: post #391

As a software developer myself, I always wondered why it is considered a stressful profession. - Most of us aren't going to kill ourselves or others in case we screw up. The stakes may be higher for people working with safety critical systems, but such systems often have multiple safeguards. - Most deadlines and time pressure are completely made up. So what if we don't deliver on time? It is not like the fate of the…

Its stressful for me because I'm running out of youth and I'm never going to find a mate :( The women just aren't attracted to a guy like me, or aren't interested in starting a family so much as poly-amory, drugs, revealing festival costumes, junk media, sex work, alcohol, or anything other than using their youth and looks for hedonism. Edit: Obviously touchy, people actually have thoughts like this, how do we loving…

I’m going to be bluntly honest with you. Your comment is a huge red flag. It sounds like you’ve fallen into the red pill/MRA trap where you are blaming women for not having a relationship.

Your description is not accurate, and sounds like a toxic approach where you are viewing women with a combative perception.

I’d suggest considering what areas of your life you can improve on for you, and maybe addressing the areas that are putting you into such a negative head space.

I hope you find your way to being happy.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#430

Post by Zhyl »

GuB-42 wrote: post #391

As a software developer myself, I always wondered why it is considered a stressful profession. - Most of us aren't going to kill ourselves or others in case we screw up. The stakes may be higher for people working with safety critical systems, but such systems often have multiple safeguards. - Most deadlines and time pressure are completely made up. So what if we don't deliver on time? It is not like the fate of the…

The short answer is "Management".

Management is the different between you being given ample time to do a straightforward or decently challenging task, and being given a ridiculously small amount of time to do something impossible.

Management is the difference between you being supported in the work that you do and you feeling like you're on the edge of a precipice with potential freefall if you slip up.

Management is the difference between your work seeming like its a valuable contribution to a bigger picture, or that it's a pointless sisyphean exercise in futility cynically driven by profit or ignorance.

Management is the difference between you feeling like the pigeon or the statue.

Management is the difference between you feeling like your job is "programming" or "convincing a room full of ungrateful monkey morons that you deserve to get paid".

Management can be the difference between whether the obnoxious team mate completely totals your project or not. It can be the difference between whether you gain the right experience and be in the right position to get a promotion. Whether you work reasonable hours or whether you're clawing back time late into the night, knowing that you're putting your social and family life on hold to meet the deadlines that somebody else agreed long ago with no knowledge of what it would actually take to complete the task or deliver the project on time or to budget.

In short, sounds like you've got good management, dude. Good job.

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