Lucky you it started until 40s, also I don't think you're old to accomplish your desires. Look for professional help and do actively something to change what you want in your life.
Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
411–420 of 767 posts
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#412You are focused on what your life could of been / should of been and are devaluing the true gift you have. Get past that should of it is judgement that leads to no outcomes Could of is an assumption that did not happen. Your gift? Let me put it in a way that all who are in this community will read will understand. You are an engineer. There are close to 9 billion people on the planet. There are roughly 80 million eng…
This is a great point. He has a Masters in Engineering from a US university and several years of experience in implementing "BI Reporting/Analytics", finding a decent job really shouldn't be that difficult. He is going to have to come up with a good explanation for the "what have you been doing for the last 10-15 years?" question since "caring for his ill father" seems to only cover the first year of his absence from the workforce.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#413No post body was provided.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#414You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…
How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…
First of all don't suspend your background processes with sudo, that is only going to prevent the money from coming in everyday... then you've got Google maps you can type in social worker near me or psychiatrist near me or behavioral health near me and it will point you in the right direction.....
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#415Earlier quoted context omitted.
100% to the above and I would look specifically for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which specializes in treating distorted thinking. It rescued me from my early thirties and I haven’t been depressed since. Our brains are wired to generate stories and narratives around everything, we can’t help it, and sometimes those narratives are distorted but cause damage and like a scab, we keep reinforcing and picking at them. Lea…
Second the advice for Cognitive Behavorial Therapy, looks like the best fit in this case.
Another vote for CBT. CBT has made a big difference for me, helping me to find my way out of some very negative patterns of thinking, and allowing me to feel real joy, despite a number of ongoing difficult circumstances in my life. I'd recommend it to just about anyone, at any age.
I didn't go through CBT with a therapist. I just read the first few chapters of The Feeling Good Handbook, then tried to establish a habit of confronting my negative feelings, and the thoughts that were feeding them by identifying the distortions in those thoughts.
YMMV, but it may be worth a try.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#416Earlier quoted context omitted.
How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…
Try a few. Go see one, make it clear you’re looking around. If it isn’t working, say so and move on. They’re professionals, they get it. You do have to be prepared to be vulnerable to some extent, but if they’re any good they’ll earn trust and develop a working relationship with you that is comfortable. Source: multiple years of therapy. Definitely worth the effort and the cost.
A good therapist (but maybe not a good match for you) will also recommend others they know that they believe are a better fit.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#417A lot of good advice here (therapy, etc.) but one thing you might consider is just getting part-time job such as a cashier, barista, whatever. Something where you have somewhere to go and can put your mind to a task for a while but the job doesn't follow you home after so you can pursue other things more relevant to the work you eventually want to get. I think you'd be surprised how just having something to do can make you feel. It helps as well to have a daily routine that you execute ( and having a job can help with this) without much thought but without fail to keep some momentum up instead of just sitting around with your thoughts day in and day out.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#418Earlier quoted context omitted.
>>One thing that's very important in Germany when getting help is to never EVER say that you have suicidal thoughts. The moment you do that you slide into a bracket out of the social system that you can never get out of on your own. Any doctor or psychologist may now force you to take medication or put you in the asylum whenever they chose. That is terrifying. Those medications are mediocre in the long-term. If you h…
It's as terrifying as it is wrong. Nobody ever forces you to take meds or being put into an "asylum". ESPECIALLY in Germany. I have no idea where this idea comes from but it is not true at all Disclaimer: I have two very close friends and one relative who struggled with suicidal thoughts. None of them were put on meds against their will, or put into an "asylum". There was staionary therapy though, sometimes multiple…
In a practical sense, is it not a similar case in US? The moment you are flagged in a hospital system as a suicide risk it follows you.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#419Earlier quoted context omitted.
Maybe for minor things it's good. But for depression and serious mental issues absolutely not. For example you can't do analysis without being physically present with your doctor [1]. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoanalysis
Psychoanalysis is pretty much discredited as a scientific discipline, nowadays. There's also a lot of evidence of remote therapy being just as effective as in-person therapy.
Citation needed. Psychoanalysis is widely practiced and it’s efficacy has been repeatedly scientifically demonstrated.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?
#420> I got my Master's in the US in the late 2000s and was gainfully employed there for a few years...
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> Ideally, I would prefer to go back to the US...because I actually was happy there.
There's a lot of really helpful replies here that I can't add to but this stood out to me. I think maybe you should focus on what you can do in Germany or remaining closer by in Europe. Life was easier in the late 2000s in the US than today, and you may be looking back with some rose tinted glasses thinking if you can just go back to that place in the past when you were happier things will resolve themselves. But it may not work out that way, and it may add a lot of extra complication and work to try to make it happen (especially during this economic downturn), that will take time away from you doing other things, only to potentially end up quite disappointed.