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Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

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Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#411

Post by sizzle »

HEmanZ wrote: post #346

These comments make me feel like I'm getting old, which is weird to me. There are so many proactive comments that remind me of my 18 year old self. Social awkwardness, for me and for a lot of people I know, sort of just vanished with age. - The same kind of weird, unexplainable, vicious attitude that passes for cool among teenagers and some early adults fades for most people. The people who still adhere to that code…

I think having kids forces you out of your shell for their sake, you have to be able to speak your mind to strangers, etc. and it becomes easier talking to others to get things done.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#412

Post by johnnyanmac »

HEmanZ wrote: post #346

These comments make me feel like I'm getting old, which is weird to me. There are so many proactive comments that remind me of my 18 year old self. Social awkwardness, for me and for a lot of people I know, sort of just vanished with age. - The same kind of weird, unexplainable, vicious attitude that passes for cool among teenagers and some early adults fades for most people. The people who still adhere to that code…

>Take some comfort in knowing that it will probably pass with time.

I mean, it does pass with time, but it's not like you magically become less shy. For me it was the transition to college. I no longer had parents to order food for me, professors won't go out of their way to make sure you get homework in on time or even show up for class, schools don't just make up social events for you, etc. You find you gotta literally step outside your comfort zone because society very much does not care about you cooping up in your apartment building 24/7 (as long as you're paying).

And yes, to some extent it does help that the world metaphorically gets bigger in adult hood. When your social circle is a few hundreds people in grade school, their perception of you matters a lot. When in college it expands to thousands of people, 99% of which you'll never converse with, and larger still in society where you ironically feel more lonely than ever because very few people will come up to you to chat.

---

I agree it will pass in time, but it's not just something you grow out of. You either get plenty of practive with adulthood, or you end up as a recluse that is deemed incompatitble with society. Fight or flight. If they didn't get that same practice I did, they have to undergo it now (or perhaps consult a therapist if the anxiety is truly that severe. Unlikely, but it very well could require some clinical solutions.).

It gets easier: https://youtu.be/S-ixV6nV0HU?t=22

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#413

Post by sph »

cedws wrote: post #271
sph wrote: post #244

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same here. As a shy guy in my 20s I went to a small club on 300mg of Ecstasy, and over 5 hours I introduced myself to pretty much everybody in the place, asked a random girl to dance and went backstage to chat in another language with the band. I just felt I was a human among other humans. At home among friends. I must've been pretty clearly high as a kite, but the lesson I learned that night is that people generally…

I can echo your positive experience but the effect this has on people around you should also be taken into account. On MDMA you're going to want to talk to everybody about everything and that can lead to awkward situations once you've come down. Not only that but upon noticing your gigantic pupils some people might be a bit freaked out or feel like they're trapped in a conversation with you. TLDR do it around people…

Certainly, but one aspect of my shyness was being preoccupied over what people would think of me, and sometimes it's good to be oblivious you have dilated pupils and you look on drugs. Sometimes it's good not to overthink and just do and see no harm comes of it.

But of course socialising sober is and feels better, though it does not come as easy.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#414

Post by seanw444 »

HEmanZ wrote: post #346

These comments make me feel like I'm getting old, which is weird to me. There are so many proactive comments that remind me of my 18 year old self. Social awkwardness, for me and for a lot of people I know, sort of just vanished with age. - The same kind of weird, unexplainable, vicious attitude that passes for cool among teenagers and some early adults fades for most people. The people who still adhere to that code…

I'm only in my early 20s, and the social awkwardness I sometimes felt in high school is mostly gone. I mean sure, there are still some awkward moments here and there. There probably will always be those few times. Unless you're a robot, you'll never not feel anxiety.

I concur though: I'm not even "old" at all, just a couple years out of high school, and speaking to people even in difficult situations feels a lot easier. So +1 to this answer. Getting older tremendously helps.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#415

Post by [deleted] »

water8 wrote: post #352
_asli wrote: post #338

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>What do you think the MA in MDMA stands for This isn’t a very good argument. Table salt is literally Sodium and Chlorine, both of which are extremely toxic to humans but that’s irrelevant to anyone who understands that molecules have different effects than other molecules that share part of the same name. Again though, mdma can kill you even if it’s completely pure. This is especially true if you take MAOIs or drink…

The core molecule is amphetamine. Everything else is a binder that determines how long and how many passes it takes for your system. Adderall and methamphetamine only differ by a methyl group which makes it break down slower.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#417

Post by sph »

Auracle wrote: post #386
daniel-cussen wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just a motherfucking second right there. I can vouch that for a minority of the population properly prescribed "strong" stimulants make a night-and-day difference in social ability. For me, it meant reading "cues" which I flat out could not do practically ever, became second nature. And I learned social skills that served me even after the beautiful molecules were out of my system. So in my particular case, these sti…

For what it’s worth I take stimulants every day - not for ADHD - and I don’t feel like they improve my sociability at all.

Because they're not the same substance and have different effects.

Amphetamines are stimulants.

MDMA is, apart from being a stimulant, an entactogen. This gives the positive social effects.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathogen%E2%80%93entactoge...

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#418

Post by powerapple »

It will never go away, but do get a lot better once you get over it. For me, start working, having kid changed my personality a lot. I feel that it is something you have to force yourself to be uncomfortable, and slowly you will get over it. Having kid basically forced me to be in situations I don't like because I have to stand in front of him, protect him. Once you force yourself crossing the line, it is easy.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#420

Post by hutzlibu »

laserlight wrote: post #406
hutzlibu wrote: post #398

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In general I would agree to your advice of taking small steps, but with the concrete examples, my former self would think "but then everyone remembers me as the creepy guy, who just comes and looks at everyone. I could not go to step 2 then"

Could you switch to a different bar not to be recognized as such?

Yup, one can do that. And then build up a mental map, of places to avoid, leading to embarrassing situations later on ...

What worked for me, was travelling. It is easier to relax, thinking, you will likely never see anyone here again.

(even though the world is quite small and I did in fact saw many again, but that was cool)

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