Having a routine/schedule/structure in your life should help with mitigating such issues. Obviously you're not going to be at 100%, but setting up your life so it isn't a house of cards is very important.
Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
41–50 of 82 posts
Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#42I blogged. I had a pretty big readership (three hundred or so followers on Tumblr, not sure how many followed on RSS), and I wrote a lot about how I felt and what I was going through.
The conversations I had with my readers led to a lot of self-growth and peace. I grew up a lot writing about the experience. There were also some moments of personal vindication: After writing about a particularly assed argument with her re:music, I got a message from somebody who works on a major music site that vindicated my point of view a little. (I'll also say right now how astounded I am that the people I was reading stories about at fifteen I get to talk to and attend events with at eighteen.)
Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#43sleep. exercise. eat healthily. spent time with great friends. most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. see a therapist if necessary; having someone help you get through growth roadblocks is the best money you will ever spend. realize that whatever you're dealing with will eventually pas…
most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. Does this really happen? If you spend much time with military veterans, you notice that they have way more self-control than the average person, even though they've also been through more than the average person. Is this because the military attra…
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is also experienced by a high percentage of combat veterans.
Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#44sleep. exercise. eat healthily. spent time with great friends. most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. see a therapist if necessary; having someone help you get through growth roadblocks is the best money you will ever spend. realize that whatever you're dealing with will eventually pas…
most importantly, put time aside to spend dealing with the emotions that come up. don't bottle them up. they will be expressed in destructive ways when you least expect it. Does this really happen? If you spend much time with military veterans, you notice that they have way more self-control than the average person, even though they've also been through more than the average person. Is this because the military attra…
Does this really happen?
Does this count?
Another soldier, Staff Sgt. Daniel Shannon, told CBS that his PTSD changed him completely. "I started smashing furniture, very rapidly; so I didn’t know what I was doing ‘til it happened. I’d get mad so fast, so angry fast, and just lash out." (http://www.thecommentfactory.com/irregular-army-the-prevalen...)
It only takes a bit of googling to find all sorts of information on suicide, substance abuse, domestic violence, and so on, in the military. Here's a pretty compelling and sad story:
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2007/02/11/told_t...
The problem has gotten so bad that the US military has embarked on programs to try to destigmatize therapy and to convince soldiers to do something about suicidal mates.
So yes, obviously this stuff really happens.
Edit: as it happens, NPR led with a story tonight about violence and mental illness among veterans: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1067890....
Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#45Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#46Did you ever tried meditation (I recommend zen style sitting, aka zazen)?
There is some nice, simple and to the point books about it, and for me it is something that really helps with concentration, sadness and focus.
list of good books
http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Training-Philosophy-Shambhala-Clas...
http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Brain-Understanding-Meditation-Con...
http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Plain-English-Updated-Expa...
Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#47Take up a (slightly) risky sport. I was getting into rock climbing a few years ago (gave up for logistical reasons), and I can just about guarantee that when you're on a route, with your forearms burning and no obvious next move, that your troubles fade into insignificance.
Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#48What a coincidence—I'm going through this right now. The night my boyfriend broke up with me (two days ago) I differentiated equations until 4 a.m. Now I'm working on inductive logic and doing my best to stay off of e-mail and facebook. I use other outlets such as reading and exercising, but I've found mathematics' abstraction to be the most helpful. Reading books brings up motifs and messages and content that calls…
I have used this technique in the past and call it Diversionary Therapy.
I have a tendency to dwell on a negative situation, which I've learned, quite painfully, is possibly the worst thing to do. So whenever something comes along that wipes me off my feet, I decide to pickup a new skill/hobby and focus on that as much as possible. I find it gives me something else to talk about when I'm with friends, instead of rehashing the "woe is me, life sucks" tale of the times. Because the experience is new, there are always things to look forward to. When my first serious relationship ended, I decided to become a racing fan and memorized all there was to know about various racing series. I've also become a gym nut, learned how to shave with a straight razor (and maintain them), become an expert at various video games, etc.
Unfortunately this past week I got into a stupid fight with a girl I'm in an "it's complicated" sort of relationship with. Or actually, she's angry at me and I don't think she should be. I've been using HN as a form of "diversionary therapy" the past several days :)
Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#49Depending on the severity of what you're dealing with, work can be a refuge from life problems.
It sure was for me when I was going through hell a couple of years ago. After I'd have a guts full of sitting around hospital waiting rooms feeling emo for a month, i just got to the point where i had to work. I sent an email to my colleagues saying "I'm coming to work tomorrow, don't talk to me about my stuff - i just need to work".
And working was the only respite I could find.
Re: Ask HN: Emotion hacks? How do you work despite crummy love/life things going on?
#50Earlier quoted context omitted.
Anecdotal evidence here, but while they seem self-controlled--and are very disciplined--a lot of them also have unresolved anger issues.
unresolved anger issues. Is there any way to distinguish those from "Not being as psychologically damaged as I'd like."?
You think I'd like anyone I care about to be psychologically damaged just for the sake of some damned theory you think I'm invested in? What kind of an asshole do you think I am?
I'm not going to get into personal business in public, especially not under my real name. Suffice it to say that I've known someone very closely who probably could have dealt with his feelings better than repressing them.
Of course, denial is a form of repression, so he'd probably agree with you that he wasn't that badly affected. And some people aren't badly affected by things (though personally, I've found that personal trauma in my life does tend to upset my emotional balance in unpredictable ways).