Ask HN: How Do I Get over My Existential Crisis?

I'll defer to Kurt Vonnegut Jr:

“The Money River, where the wealth of the nation flows. We were born on the banks of it-and so were most of the mediocre people we grew up with, went to private schools with, sailed and played tennis with. We can slurp from that mighty river to our hearts' content. And we can even take slurping lessons, so we can slurp more efficiently.”

Have you already tried positioning yourself as deep into your country's "money river" as possible? It's by far the biggest knob, location location location. You can be the most qualified amazeballs whatever of something in a resource desert devoid of opportunity and you'll starve.

It also doesn't have to be very complicated. patio11 on here famously got his start selling a program that made bingo cards for teachers. And then doing automated appointment reminders for doctors. Neither of these ideas was complicated or original -- you just need to solve a problem that enough people have, and (critically) be able to market it.

Since you asked for honest feedback here are my thougths:

Given your propensity for programming you are probably a high functioning individual, able to apply logical reasoning and systems thinking to a wide range of problems.

I have no idea of your living conditions so honest feedback beyond that is quite hard. Different places are different man.

I know talented programmers coming from around the world - so your career choice was not wrong. The career has been an opportunity for talent across the globe. It's possible that your life situation, however, is what stops you to actually follow the career path of your choosing now.

I know people who've struggled to find direction after their initial education did not pan out. They eventually pull through - sometimes they find a job that is aligned with their education, and sometimes they need to pivot and find something new. I have no idea what action you should take in your local economy.

I'm super impressed you take care of you elderly mother. I don't know what relationship you have, but being a caretaker is a dignified position what ever the circumstances. But it can also be a sacrifice towards personal freedoms, goals, and life outcomes.

Now, what I'm going to say may sound like BS but it really is the only solid actionable support I can give: take care of yourself. Try to exercise. Try to sleep. Try to eat. Try to find things in life you enjoy, and notice and pay attention to them. Life can be lived - and sometimes needs to be lived - one breath and one heartbeat at a time.

In parallel with searching for a salaried position, consider writing something on your own.

Look at existing software with unhappy users and make an alternative, even if a simpler one. Create something that hits a specific need of local businesses. If nothing else comes out of it, you will still have a real-world project and related experience (with designing, planning, shipping, talking to customers) to add to your resume.

The marketing part is potentially quite challenging. As well as finding a niche market that is underserved.

patio11 is famous because what he did was really non-trivial even though he is such a humble person he discusses his work in very homely terms.