I'm currently in such place, I want to move on from working for someone and focus on my side service products but it's quite hard leaving a monthly stable income that's currently paying for mortgage and loans. I don't know if it's opportune but I'm gonna share my self-service pitch deck just in case:
Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
41–50 of 54 posts
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#42I made a radical change of job, continent, language, etc. I came out the back side of it delighted with the results. The change was carefully researched, and was consistent with my values. I had considered some possible not-delightful outcomes (including dying doing something worthwhile) and decided I could accept them. I explained my reasoning to those who would be impacted, and they respected me enough to accept and support my decision.
So, yes, I'd recommend it, but only with clarity and transparency. Not as a careless jump into the unknown.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#43Earlier quoted context omitted.
Although the OP may indeed be well advised to consider whether there is an underlying psychological issue, "just trying therapy" is bad advice. Therapists are not trained in diagnosis . Just trying therapy is like finding that your house is damp, and picking randomly from the list of tradesmen that might fix a damp issue: roofers, renderers, heating engineer, plumber, ventilation installer, etc etc. If you pay a roof…
FWIW, in most areas 'therapist' is a catch-all term for a practitioner that performs therapeutic interventions, be they Psychiatrists, Clin Psychs, General Psychs or Counsellors. I just say this as the first half of your post had me concerned as it seemed you were rubbishing all mental health clinicians, and it wasn't until I realised you were using the term to delineate counsellors from Psychologists/Psychiatrists t…
Perhaps it would have been better if I warned against just trying out "therapy" before figuring out the problem ("diagnosing")
Indeed, the terms may not have the same definitions everywhere. Readers should find out what definitions apply in their area, including what qualifications apply
I'm not saying that any of these therapists are necessarily useless, indeed a psychiatrist or psychologist might refer you to one, but after figuring out the problem.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#44Earlier quoted context omitted.
Although the OP may indeed be well advised to consider whether there is an underlying psychological issue, "just trying therapy" is bad advice. Therapists are not trained in diagnosis . Just trying therapy is like finding that your house is damp, and picking randomly from the list of tradesmen that might fix a damp issue: roofers, renderers, heating engineer, plumber, ventilation installer, etc etc. If you pay a roof…
Not everyone who struggles in life has a clinical diagnosis. "Just trying therapy" is akin to taking some OTC painkiller before going to the doctor. You try that first before going to the ER for a headache. Likewise, therapy is a really solid first move when something is wrong. For many people, and for many things, it will work and is the right answer. Many people go to therapy a few times, get some perspective, lear…
Agree with the first point.
I would argue that "just trying therapy" is very much not like taking an OTC painkiller. It's more like getting in a business consultant. Especially when, as in this case, you don't know what you want. Ok, not as expensive as a business consultant, since you are paying for a fraction of their time. But the incentives are similar.
It may work for some people to try it out, but I would strongly suggest deciding on advance some time limit (many therapists will resist that, which should be a red flag). It's difficult to hold to that, which is why it's good to be referred to them by another professional who can monitor progress.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#45Yes, i took this drastic step a decade ago due to "Filial Duty" reasons. Had my Life/Career/Job/etc. in the US (with my "Green Card" and was a month away from filing for Citizenship) when i made the decision to literally "throw away my life in the US" and move back to India to live with and take care of my then recently widowed Mother. I took the decision to put myself into a "self-imposed limited box" (mentally and…
As someone who is in the midst of the 'filial duty' obligation, I tip my hat to you good sir.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#46Yes I've done this 3 times in the last 20 years. That is, thrown away all but a small bag of possessions and a bag of clothes and resettle in a remote location cutting off contact with all but a couple of people, and with only a few hundred dollars in my pocket. I abandoned a house, quit a well paying great job and broke up with a fiancé. I could detail these experiences but it would be a long and somewhat personal p…
How do you wind up meeting new people to socialize with? Especially in the small town you just moved to.
So far I haven't there really isn't much here, the town center is maybe 6x6 blocks. There's a library, a tavern, a handful of drive through fast food restaurants and a few large costco like grocery stores. It's not a high priority but sure a problem, I'm used to the urban lifestyle. My bet would be the tavern
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#47Yes I've done this 3 times in the last 20 years. That is, thrown away all but a small bag of possessions and a bag of clothes and resettle in a remote location cutting off contact with all but a couple of people, and with only a few hundred dollars in my pocket. I abandoned a house, quit a well paying great job and broke up with a fiancé. I could detail these experiences but it would be a long and somewhat personal p…
Do you ever wonder if you're now trying to solve new problems with an old solution, and that's why it doesn't work anymore?
I did this a couple times too before realizing the problem was that I was afraid of the hard work of staying somewhere and making it work. It was a short-term fix, but led to long-term misery.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#48I think it works. Once. Especially if you're young.
I think almost everyone could stand to strip away all the should in their life, everything everybody's always told them they should be, should want, etc. Radically question it, once.
Because once you do, you have to answer the question. Who are you? Who do you want to be? And then do the hard work of becoming that person.
Otherwise it becomes too easy to treat it as a "solution" every time things get hard, because it worked that one time. But you never grow robust if you uproot too often. You'll find yourself old and withered and dry and disconnected.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#49Yes I've done this 3 times in the last 20 years. That is, thrown away all but a small bag of possessions and a bag of clothes and resettle in a remote location cutting off contact with all but a couple of people, and with only a few hundred dollars in my pocket. I abandoned a house, quit a well paying great job and broke up with a fiancé. I could detail these experiences but it would be a long and somewhat personal p…
Do you ever wonder if you're now trying to solve new problems with an old solution, and that's why it doesn't work anymore? I did this a couple times too before realizing the problem was that I was afraid of the hard work of staying somewhere and making it work. It was a short-term fix, but led to long-term misery.
I'm sure there's some degree of truth there but it has worked out for me every time. It's not that I'm running from hard work or failure so much as the perception that success in the original location would still not be enough to satisfy me. I wanted new experiences and more potential.
It's complex. When you stay in a place too long it can become a dead end not because the location has nothing left to offer but rather the environment has grown around you. There's obligations and relationships and possessions and habits. Managing all these things steals executive function. You don't have time enough to evaluate what is really in your own best interests and take action because you're too busy doing what is expected of you and caught up micromanaging things that just don't matter. One way to clear it all out of the way is to simply move but this isn't a solution to every problem.
The other benefit of moving I think is that you might not live that long and staying in the same place and running the same routine for a lifetime is a terrible waste. Kind of like reliving the same week over and over again.
It's incredibly refreshing to wake up in a new city with nothing to do but explore.
Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?
#50Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you ever wonder if you're now trying to solve new problems with an old solution, and that's why it doesn't work anymore? I did this a couple times too before realizing the problem was that I was afraid of the hard work of staying somewhere and making it work. It was a short-term fix, but led to long-term misery.
I'm sure there's some degree of truth there but it has worked out for me every time. It's not that I'm running from hard work or failure so much as the perception that success in the original location would still not be enough to satisfy me. I wanted new experiences and more potential. It's complex. When you stay in a place too long it can become a dead end not because the location has nothing left to offer but rathe…
Hmm. When it comes to "a terrible waste," I seem to have ended up at exactly the opposite conclusion for myself, that I would feel like it had been so much more of a waste to die having only done the work and built the relationships that accompany short stays in a variety of places, and never having done the deep work of belonging anywhere.