Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

41–50 of 101 posts

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#41

Post by acwan93 »

legitster wrote: post #9

A lot of what makes a kid turn into a "good" adult are well outside of your control. The best advice is about how to make parenting easier and more enjoyable for you in the long run. The more fun you have parenting, the more parenting you will end up doing. Any good habit you start early will pay off dividends later. Anything you let slide will agonize you for years and years. Most advice you find online is useless.…

>Most advice you find online is useless. "Mommy-bloggers" have SEO spammed the internet with waste. It's either some form of extreme child micromanagement, or rituals designed for people with saint-like patience or time on their hands. Get your advice from real people - pediatricians, parents, friends, etc.

I wonder if someone else can chime in here, but I've found that ChatGPT's answers should be on-par with these mom-fluencers.

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#42

Post by gknoy »

Don't stress about how others may feel about your child's inevitable public meltdowns. Every parent has had children who have a meltdown (tired? hungry? you said no?) in public, and we have all felt embarassed/etc. I guess I can't really speak for more than myself, but when I see a parent whose child is having a hard time, I can only feel compassion for the parent (I know how difficult it is in that moment) and for the child (they are usually also emotionally compromised).

I'm not going to think you're a bad parent, or that your child is bad, because they are wailing about some toy, or starfishing on the floor of Target. We've all been there. We've all had to escort the noisy ones out of quiet places (church, movie, restaurant, etc). As someone else said, welcome to the brotherhood. :)

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#43

Post by gknoy »

adregan wrote: post #32
forinti wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I found it's better to let the child decide when to drop the diapers. The first time around we heard the "specialists" and it really stressed the little boy. We gave up and let him decide and it went perfectly, as it did with our second child.

Yeah sure, but I’m talking infants here.

I mean, it's often a reaction to the cold air on previously insulated parts. :D When we were doing diapers, we found it helpful to have the replacement prepped as a shield ;)

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#44

Post by klyrs »

Mom here with some technological advice: put down your phone. Screens are terrible babysitters, they teach the absolute worst lesson. And I'm not talking about the content on the screen, I'm talking about the dopamine that the screen triggers. Put down your phone, don't use screens as a babysitter. You will regret every hour your child spends in front of a screen, but latency is on the order of years. Be the adult you want your kid to grow into.

That said, you're gonna make mistakes. That's one of the harder lessons in patenting, I think. There's no takebacks. Nobody's gonna swoop in to save you. There's only tomorrow. Children will forgive you if you make a mistake, apologize, learn, and avoid the mistake in the future.

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#46

Post by pavel_lishin »

klyrs wrote: post #44

Mom here with some technological advice: put down your phone. Screens are terrible babysitters, they teach the absolute worst lesson. And I'm not talking about the content on the screen, I'm talking about the dopamine that the screen triggers. Put down your phone, don't use screens as a babysitter. You will regret every hour your child spends in front of a screen, but latency is on the order of years. Be the adult yo…

Seconding this. Every time I see a young child in a stroller staring at a screen, I have to fight to stop myself from grinding my teeth into a fine powder.

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#47

Post by pavel_lishin »

brudgers wrote: post #35

+ Baby first. Mama second. You 3+n where n=dogs in family. + You don’t get it back. It is life. + It will take a lot of work To actually screw up. + In the next few decades You will grow too. Hopefully as much as your child. It would be a shame Not to. + Do it right and they will Become a busy adult And you will miss Them like hell. + Talk to your child As a person from day one. Congratulations and good luck.

> You 3+n where n=dogs in family.

No dogs here, cats - but I'm definitely glad that I'm no longer responsible for 80% of the fecal output of the household.

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#48

Post by pavel_lishin »

twojobsoneboss wrote: post #28

Losing ~ALL your free time can hurt alot mentally, esp if you had very specific life goals like starting a business and escaping the 9-5 (vs generic ones like travelling the world etc), you likely have to give those up, and that can be very difficult mentally and emotionally I went through a "grieving" process of my new fate in life. It helped more when the baby started smiling. It helped more when she started sleepi…

This is a good point. Not everyone immediately bonds with a newborn, either father or mother. If you're not feeling something you think you're supposed to be feeling, that's not unusual.

And they definitely get fun later on - but you'd be surprised at both how long it takes, and at the fun things you can find pretty early on.

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#49

Post by mackatsol »

Set rules, not boundaries. What do I mean by that? When out for walks, we’d tell the kids that they had to stay on the path, they could go as far as they wanted.. as long as we could see them and they could see us. Oh, and keep a close eye on your parents., they are easily distracted. What happened? When they were 2 they went 5 meters.. by 8 years old they go to the curve in the path.. and come back to tell us we had wandered off again!

It was awesome. We never had to yell at them.. they had clear and simple limits.

That worked really well, but we had to learn the hard way not to set expectations we couldn’t absolutely control and guarantee. Let’s go have ice cream and the favourite place.. oh no. They’re closed.. meltdown. Let’s wander that way and see what we find.. much safer. Congratulations! Enjoy it!

Re: Ask HN: Advice for a new father?

#50

Post by randrus »

Rygian wrote: post #8

Many will tell you to enjoy each moment because they grow up so fast. It's true, and it's alright. The only thing you owe to your future self is the knowledge that you have been fully present while your kid grows up. That, and as many pics and videos your NAS and backup can hold.

Don’t be the dad that loses the first year of baby photos due to poor backup practices :|
Post reply on HN