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Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

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Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#41

Post by TomaszZielinski »

I have a few random thoughts:

- Everything you wrote sounds perfectly fine to me. And I'm often more interested in talking about changing diapers than about Amazing Spectacular Things.

- This might be over the top, in which case just discard it, but if you feel something is missing, and you like reading, maybe check some practical philosophy? It might as well turn out you already have everything you need, or that what you need is not what you think you need.

- I'm a bit over 40 and last year I started doing karaoke, completely by accident (someone suggested it, I went, and stayed). I don't have "musical genes", so you probably wouldn't like to get my signed record :))--but I really enjoy the whole thing. At some point I noticed that some songs sounded better than before, and it gave me some motivation to work on them. And suddenly I have a completely unexpected hobby. My point here is that a hobby can emerge in a completely unexpected way, at any time in your life.

Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#42

Post by TomaszZielinski »

blueChude wrote: post #38

I am 23, just getting started with the corporate/working world. The way you describe yourself sounds a bit like my Dad. He was a software engineer. So am I. I remember growing up and occasionally getting frustrated with his lack of interests and hobbies (past a certain point), especially when he started developing major chronic illnesses and we stopped going on as many weekend trips. I lost him 2 years ago. This comm…

Your comment really moved me, what a beautiful story about your father! Thank you!

Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#43

Post by smt88 »

hn_burner_2038 wrote: post #19
smt88 wrote: post #2

This is very normal. Your kids won't need nearly as much of your time in a few years and you'll have time for hobbies again. Enjoy how much time you're spending with them now and have faith that you'll be "interesting" again when you have fewer demands from family life.

This a fair point, one that my wife always makes to me. I guess I just feel like I can do better? I know other dads who have plenty of time consuming hobbies -- they seem to fit it all in, why can't I?

Don't compare yourself to others on a single variable, like hobby time, when you'll never know what all the other variables look like. They may spend less time with kids, put more of the parenting on partners/childcare, have more money, work less, do fewer chores, etc. I personally don't know any dads with kids under 5 that have time for hobbies.

Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#44

Post by TomaszZielinski »

stcredzero wrote: post #12
AnimalMuppet wrote: post #4

You're boring to everyone else? Fine. Don't be boring to your kids. Be there for them. "Dad spent time with me" will matter to your kids far more than being able to tell some rando about your hobby will matter to said rando. (Don't be boring to your wife, either.) In fact, don't be boring to the neighbor kids. You want your house to be the place they hang out, rather than your kids hanging out at the neighbor's house…

One way to not be boring to your kids: Dad jokes. Instead of their feeling bored, every single day, you can give them entirely novel reasons to feel mild anguish at your humor.

This! My favorite dad joke is that only 1 in 10 of my dad jokes are any good, but it's fully dependent on the first 9 being not :)

Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#45

Post by TomaszZielinski »

hn_burner_2038 wrote: post #22
AnimalMuppet wrote: post #4

You're boring to everyone else? Fine. Don't be boring to your kids. Be there for them. "Dad spent time with me" will matter to your kids far more than being able to tell some rando about your hobby will matter to said rando. (Don't be boring to your wife, either.) In fact, don't be boring to the neighbor kids. You want your house to be the place they hang out, rather than your kids hanging out at the neighbor's house…

Unfortunately I think I _am_ boring to my wife and kids. I spend lots of time with them and I am very attentive to their needs, but I feel that I don't come in with my own interests or personality. But I like the tack of this comment, I should focus my attention on the core set of people I care about.

Would you agree that you have _plenty_ of interests and a personality (because everyone has!), but you have some underlying assumptions they are "wrong" for some reason?

Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#46

Post by mech422 »

Counter take: Being 'interesting' is over rated ..

At 50+, I'm actually glad how 'boring' my life has become. When I was younger, 'interesting' was generally code for drama...

Now my son is grown, the bills are paid, my health is decent .. I'm happy to just be 'boring' and relax.

Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#47

Post by mortallywounded »

Sounds like you have your priorities straight? Do what makes you happy and to hell with everyone (and everything) else.

You don't need to sound interesting or have things to talk about. If you're finding you are not "happy" with what you have, that's another discussion.

Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#48

Post by quickthrower2 »

That is OK. I think the art of story telling is turning the mundane into fascinating: people who are good at story telling, or even stand up comedians talk about everyday stuff anyway ALOT. And you can definitely bore people with your 1000 photos of temples and cliff selfies on an "exciting" trip around the world. So don't worry about it.

In terms of hobby, I reckon do a hobby whose side effect makes your home life easier. For example if you do woodwork as a hobby that is a useful thing to be good at for jobs around the house. Also semi professional cooking would be a good one. Or anything that gets you fit.

Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?

#50

Post by swah »

Kinda same as you, pushing 40, wish I had clients instead of a boss (or both) and a social circle with more nerdy people (or students). I was able to get one young intern started on coding and it was the most fulfilling thing I did. He's mantaining the systems I left behind on the old company, and pretty excited about improving (he's like 20).

More interestingly: I like running and also go the gym most days, but honestly not sure its a great idea since all my (physical) energy is gone after training. I feel like if I don't train I have more gas in my tank for family.

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