Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

Co-sleeping in particular is this bizarre thing where all the professionals warn against it as if you're playing Russian roulette, while half the people I know do it themselves (and are afraid to talk about it). Nevermind that essentially the rest of the world does it, and we did it before 5 minutes ago.

I get that folks have different preferences and level of comfort, but the rigidity and judgement that gets pushed is kind of hard to believe. It seems like safetyism run amok.

The closest I have to a regret is that I wish I had somehow made even more time to spend with them. It goes so fast. So. Fast.

Here are some notes on "gear":

1) Get a really nice headlamp that can do a candle mode. This is going to be really helpful at 2:00am when you need to see where diapers are.

2) Get multiple bassinets so that you have a place to set the baby down.

3) Spending more money is worth it on gear. We have both the Nuna Mixx and the Uppababy Vista (uppa does two seats). Get the Nuna. It's definitely a case of buy once cry once. We made the mistake of buying a graco carseat at target for our second carseat and hate it.

4) We bought a harbor freight toolchest as a diaper changing station (https://www.harborfreight.com/30-in-5-drawer-mechanics-cart-...) and it's been hugely useful.

5) We bought an owlet SpO2 monitor and absolutely LOVE this.

6) We use this bottle warmer: https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Speed-Bottle-Warmer-Orange/d.... 3D print a measuring cup that meters the exact amount of water you need for whatever bottles you are using.

On emotional stuff:

1) I cannot stress how much things you used to find meaningful are going to seem pointless. Just lean into it. Kids are the most meaningful thing you will ever do. I cannot repeat this enough times. I hate to be this blunt, but you cannot understand this until you have kids.

2) Lean into the relationship with your wife. Your children are very literally a manifestation of your love for one another. Nurture that feeling, and think about it a lot.

3) Family is going to want to spend time with your kids, and sometimes this is going to feel like work. Don't be afraid to tell them no.

Here's some practical stuff:

1) You need to feed the baby FREQUENTLY. While it's possible for you to help with this, nothing is going to beat breastfeeding, so try to be as supportive of your wife as possible.

2) Remind your wife how beautiful she is frequently. Childbirth is stressful for women, and can be hard on a woman's body. Support your wife. I think the entire process of childbirth, the various hormonal changes to do things like switch from colostrum to milk, oxytocin bonding with the baby by looking at it while breastfeeding, etc. are all profoundly beautiful.

3) Don't stress yourself out about milestones. Your baby is fine. Your pediatrician will tell you if there is a problem. Don't stress these things.

4) I said above but I'll say again: buy once cry once on baby gear. A nice stroller is going to be a big deal. Nuna makes the best of everything.

5) If you family has some hand me down baby clothes: take them.

6) Your baby is going to get various butt rashes. This doesn't mean you are a failure as a parent. Babies get butt rashes.

7) Miss Rachel is a freaking god send when your baby gets older. It's a youtube channel called "Ms Rachel Songs for Littles", and its' really good, educational content.

8) Your gut is actually a million years long biological computer/classifier. Trust it. Call your mom a lot and ask her opinion on stuff.